moderately trendy

Where a POT takes you for your date says a lot...

Just my two cents. Everyone has different experiences but in all my years this is what I have noticed.

It isn’t necessarily about how much a date costs a POT, but more about where he takes you and what time of day/week that may be.

Sometimes schedules dictate the time of day/week, but more often than not a POT will take you someplace based on how they see the future relationship unfolding.

My general rule of thumb is:

Weekend verus Weekday

Weekend dates are the best. I don’t mind missing out on other activities if it means I have a promising POT date. Especially since most of my weekend activities tend to go all night anyway so I can always show up to said event after my date. An older gentleman is usually willing to go on weekend dates with someone he is very serious about getting to know. He is likely more serious about the whole SD/SB thing in general. He doesn’t mind canceling or rearranging his plans to accommodate you. Or, if he doesn’t really have any plans and is kind of a lone wolf, he is more likely to become attached to you so he finally has someone to hang out with on weekends. Expect weekend getaways to fun locations, if you start an arrangement.

Weekday dates are usually easier and less work. He is likely meeting up with you right after work but before going home to the wife and kids (if he is married, obviously). These dates tend to start a little earlier in the evening and will be more cut and dry. He will likely bring up the details of the arrangement earlier in the date to get that part out of the way and see how much time he should invest. On weekdays, time is money. He has to go to work in the morning and doesn’t want to be out all night for no reason. Weekday dates are the best way to land a married SD (my favorite kind). His weekends are usually dedicated to his family and therefore you won’t be going on many getaways with him but may accompany him on business trips.

Day versus Night
Evening/Dinner dates usually mean the guy is very serious. He might be Splenda but he will be very serious about his Splendaness.

Day/Lunch dates usually mean the guy is not sure about the whole SD/SB thing and doesn’t want to disrupt his other evening plans just for you. 

Trendy, Upscale Bougie Cocktail Lounge and Eatery
He wants to show you off and see how you do in such an environment. Depending on which city you live in, he may be testing the waters to see if you can handle yourself around celebrities, powerful business men and others who are in an “older man, younger woman” relationship. You will likely see other SBs at these types of places and you will definitely see celebrities if you live in NYC, Chicago, LA or similar locations. Dress is usually similar to going to a club but perhaps with a slightly longer hemline.

If you can handle yourself appropriately (according to him) and other men check you out in this sea of beautiful people, you are IN. This guy will likely be a very good SD assuming this isn’t a ploy and he isn’t pure salt. Expect nice hotels, fabulous restaurants, shopping sprees and surprise gifts on top of a hefty allowance. He wants a fun girl and will provide luxury experiences as long as you keep it fun. Let loose around this type. He wants you to be the center of attention in any crowd without forgetting that he is the one you are going home with.

Upscale, Classy, Expensive Restaurant

He is taking you here because he wants to impress you. This type of setting isn’t so much about seeing how you act in public but more about how you carry yourself as a person in general. Please, thank you, napkin on your lap, using the correct fork, ordering the appropriate wine for your meal, etc. are all things he will notice. Doing something wrong may not be a deal breaker but it may make him lower his offer without you even realizing it. Dress is usually more conservative and less colorful. A figure hugging dress that hits just above the knee with some modest (3-4 inch) heels. You can show a tad of cleavage but don’t over-do it. A guy who chooses this type of restaurant is looking for someone who won’t embarrass him or draw much attention while in public. 

He will likely be a stable SD (again, assuming he isn’t pure salt) and will offer a modest allowance and will treat you with the utmost respect at all times. This type of SD tends to be the most work, in my experience. You have to be “on” more often than not with this type.

The only exception to this rule with this type of location is if it is a day date. Day dates at restaurants that are usually only busy after 8 p.m. is a sign that he wants to avoid crowds all together. He may be embarrassed by the idea of you two together OR he may frequent that restaurant so often that it no longer feels special to him so he doesn’t mind going there during the day.

Casual, moderately priced, semi-trendy restaurant
A guy who takes you to a simple, no-frills type of restaurant is likely looking for the same thing in his SB. He wants you to be casual, easy-going, and fun without being wild. Smiley, girl next door types will do well with this type of SD because you are basically exactly what he is looking for without even trying. Dress for this type of restaurant is casual cool. You can get away with jeans and a trendy top and heels. If you wear a dress, a sundress or girlish dress are good options. Your makeup and hair should still be on point regardless of outfit choice. You can drink a little more at this type of restaurant because chances are it has a casual and fun vibe. These types of places are usually loud with other people’s conversations.

This type of SD is good for a moderate allowance, gifts, trips and fun adventures. He may not buy you Louboutin every month but he will buy you smaller gifts if you simply ask. You will likely stay in business class all the time, including hotels. This isn’t a bad thing at all. You will still be comfortable and it’s still better than making your own bed or flying coach.

Cafe or Diner

These places are usually reserved for day dates. Guys that choose this type of place are usually salt or Splenda, in my experience. They are looking for more of a girlfriend than anything and don’t see the point in “pulling out all the stops”. These are the guys that tend to say they don’t want it to feel like an arrangement. If you choose to pursue a guy who chooses this type of place, be prepared to divulge your entire life story in detail. Since it is during the day, without the sexiness and allure of the night, it encourages the conversation to become very familiar, quickly. Dress for this type of restaurant is simple. Jeans, cute sandals and a low cut or v-neck shirt are appropriate and really all he deserves given the location.

These types of guys can turn out to be good for a decent pay-per-meet arrangement but they likely won’t be very reliable and may never really spoil you.

And this is why I always try to get the guy to choose a restaurant and day of the week. Even if I have to suggest a place or day, I give two or three very different options and then let him pick from those. What he picks says a lot.

Also, please note: These all are based on an actual planned first or second date. Where you meet a POT while freestyling doesn’t really factor into this at all. If you meet a guy at Starbucks and he then takes you to an upscale, bougie lounge… you are winning.

If The United States Each Had Personalities This Is What They Would Be

Rhode Island would be INFJ

Situated on the ocean, Rhode Island enjoys comparing the vastness and depth of the sea to her own poetic soul - but is still able to go out and live it up with her more extroverted neighboring states. She especially enjoys being so close to her soul mate Massachusetts, an educated ENTP, who she practically stalks in her free time. Known to be the state with the lowest energy consumption, she’s proud to think she is truly changing the world.

New Hampshire would be an INFP

New Hampshire is proud to be part of New England; the beauty in the changing seasons fills her warm, sensitive soul with a strong, happy sadness. New Hampshire spends her time privately helping those in need, leading her state to have the fewest poor people in the entire United States. However, New Hampshire still harbors an inner sadness; looking out on the fresh winter snow, she ponders the amount of poor people she has yet to save, dying in the winter snow, and is truly troubled with all the animals being hunted by her people. 

Nevada would be an ENFJ

Nevada has yet to stop smiling about all the wonders of her state. The amazing shows, lights, gambling venues, and night life brings more than 41 million visitors to Las Vegas alone, creating a pleasing environment for the exuberant extrovert. Sure, Nevada knows she can be a little cheesy, but she has no problem charming her guests and doing whatever will make them happy. However, Nevada hopes she’ll one day be seen as the natural, down to earth state that she is; she has 300 mountain ranges to prove it. 

California would be an ENFP

California is proud to be, in her opinion, the coolest, most interesting state in the entire United States. After dragging herself out of bed in the morning, she stops at a trendy coffee shop and befriends the entire staff with her easy, spunky sense of humor. California is different, and she’s ok with it. On the beach or at the gay pride parade, California wants to be herself, and doesn’t care if the conservative states disagree. She dances to the beat of her own drum, and is proud to be her liberal and unique self.

Utah would be an ESFJ

Utah has a lot to boast about. He has five very famous national parks, and is proud of his commitment to wildlife research and conservation. He is also known as the most charitable state, and gives much of his time donating to causes that span all over the United States. Proud to be a big family man, he loves all of his wives equally and loyally. Geographically he’d like to be a bit more centered, feeling a bit too west to make a difference, but he does his best to keep in contact with all the states regardless. 

Louisiana would be an ESFP

Louisiana loves the fun loving culture she’s created. The best, most interesting music and night life takes place in her very own Mardi gras festival. She loves the sounds of jazz and Cajun music, and can be found out partying all night. Louisiana loves transfixing her male guests on the free loving, bohemian feel of the Bayou. Like many states, Louisiana has more history than what now meets the eye, but with a little help from her friends she can get her shit together soon. Utah, a caring ESFJ, is probably the only state still working on it.

Vermont would be an ISFP 

Vermont wakes up lazily, a rolled joint still sitting on the bed side table. He puts on his Birkenstocks, rolls out of bed, and enters the artistic bustle of Burlington. During the day, he enjoys a concert featuring his favorite indie band (that no other state has heard of yet) and smokes a little more pot. Then he brings his paint sets to a nearby lake, creates a beautiful painting that he shows to no one, and falls asleep thinking about the beauty of life.

North Carolina would be an ISFJ

No one does Southern charm like polite North Carolina. She’s quiet and helpful, and even the northern states looks down upon her fondly as a state of true loveliness. She isn’t one to budge from her long standing beliefs, and she thinks the United States is perfect just as it is. She’s quiet, so people sometimes forget that behind those sweet, unassuming eyes is a state watching and observing everything. It’s possible that North Carolina could be a swing state in the 2016 election, but that’s really not polite dinner conversation.

Kansas would be an ESTJ

Kansas is a pretty conservative guy, but why wouldn’t he be? He loves his farm and his gun, and no government should tell him how to live his life. Play him in a sport, and he will tear you down with the fierce athleticism of a tornado. He’s a family guy, and truly enjoys spending his time with friends and family at the college basketball games.

Colorado would be an ESTP

Fun, nature loving Colorado enjoys everything his state has to offer. He would even logically (but defiantly) argue that the snow isn’t that bad (SO much skiing, snowboarding, and winter hiking), and is enjoying the flexibility with smoking experimentation his state has to offer. Colorado just wants to have fun, but preferably NOT indoors.

Missouri would be an ISTJ

Missouri is prone to a lot of stress- there’s lots of crime and pollution that he deals with daily, so he tends to suffer from poor health. He feels the weight of the state on his shoulders, but feels better taking to his states trails, which are some of the best in the world. In the outdoors, taking on nature alone, the worries of his life goes away.

Washington would be an ISTP

Washington is super brilliant. Home to many high tech firms, he enjoys the constant buzz new technology brings him. He’s moderately trendy, housing Seattle, but other states aren’t quick to visit his rainy state. He, however, welcomes it with enthusiasm and knowledge- where there is rain; there is a thriving and robust ecosystem! 

Tennessee would be an ENTJ

Tennessee enjoys being home to a city known for her music scene. All states visit Nashville, and visits make this extrovert extremely happy. Sometimes she rubs people the wrong way, but she’s trying to get along. He was, after all, the first state to make the logical decision of re-entering the union after the civil war. Yeah, she’s part of the South, but he isn’t necessarily a bleeding red- she’s open for a nice, logical discussion about where the country needs to be (just please don’t confuse feelings for facts).

Massachusetts would be an ENTP

There’s no doubt that Massachusetts is a smart guy. He’s proud to have the best schools in the entire United States, and enjoys boasting about his unique historical importance. Despite being a little emotionally raw, he’s a very fun loving guy; he’s got a great city with a fun night life, and spends much of his time partying (hanging out and talking about math) at Cape Cod. He’s pretty liberal, and he has no problem convincing you that his beliefs are more logical than yours. 

New Mexico would be an INTJ

New Mexico can strike the other states as a bit stiff, but he’s a pretty cultured guy. He enjoys learning everything he can about different cultures, and enjoys learning as much as he can about Native American history through their art, folklore, and museums. True, the art never moves him to tears, but he is able to see that their culture is more important than the other states seem to believe (they did found the country, after all). New Mexico is secretly a mastermind; he has voted for the winning president with uncanny precision. Maybe New Mexico has alien intelligences.

New York would be an INTP

Ok, she’s not super friendly but New York is not as rude as everyone thinks she is. She just doesn’t have time for all the feels. She has a very long commute on a cramped and hot subway, and doesn’t exactly have time to dilly dally like the emotional southern states do. She also just doesn’t want to be friendly because that’s the polite thing to do. Get to know INTP, and you’ll see she isn’t an insensitive jerk, but an imaginative, abstract thinker who is incredibly open minded and objective. New York is down for anything, but at the end of the day, she kind of wishes the city would go to sleep so she could have some down time.