I’ve been hurting-
But I refuse to let you see me cry,
I refuse to let you see valleys and warm streams flow from my face- so I’ve been collecting jars of tears over the years and saving them just for you. Hoping that one day you’ll get thirsty enough to find me where no words would be exchanged. I’ll offer you a glass of tears hoping it not only quench your thirst but fill you with the parts of me that I’ve purged.
The implications of your actions have affected others beyond the means of your reach like half thought out plans never to be executed- like solitary confinement with steel bars, it was you who was the key to me…..and you still chose to leave, and now a mother lost her baby but found a man who was only 8years old. you stole his chance to be because from early he was always told to be a man but had no idea of what that concept meant but fought to live this form of identity because papa like a thief in the night you stole more than an innocent girls virginity, you stole her joy and left her empty to raise a man who resembled you, a man who never got a chance to be a child
You stole all she had and left nothing for me, not even the touch of a mothers love because all she knew of love laid ideally between her legs and you her mathematician divided them and multiplied and then subtracted yourself from the equation leaving her with no answer and she would go over the problem each time while staring at me wondering why things didn’t added up and now you left me with a mother and grandmother playing mommy and daddy,
And now at 28 I still feel the hold you have on her after three kids as if she was trying to find you in other men and even though I was forced to be a man, I was never man enough to fill her the way you did. all that you left for me was the scraps after you had your fill and that little taste never filled me, I had to die daily to myself, As I watched you live and there wasn’t any mourning or tears aside from the bellowing sound of my own voice as I laid myself to rest, I was forced to live with a stranger in a haunted house as the ghost of you plagued me and the stranger was me, I had to carry the burden of humanity which was to feel and not feel at the same time and I waited between both praying for direction, praying for you papa but you couldn’t hear me, You couldn’t hear me through long distances that disconnected us, you could hear me over the sound of your own pride that you somehow couldn’t put to the side so another man had to be my teacher, It was he who taught me the birds and the bees, but I still reserved a few duties for you. But all I got were empty seats and vacant memories of me standing there..
Am i not flesh of your own flesh and blood of your own blood, then why have you allowed unspoken words to form sharp nails that pin me down at night, why have you allowed me to bear another man’s name in the absence of yours, why, did you not think of what would happen when young girls laid down and became young woman? Did you not know a boy would seek the love of his father like he seeks the love of himself but both nowhere to be found, I remember how much I would ingest heavy blows meant for you papa, some punches were mine and others were hers but both tasted the same… and I still went to bout for you, I gave hard jabs and stiff right hooks not noticing I was fighting myself, You set sail and left me ashore so papa why do I feel I like I’m the one drowning?
Dear Papa, I miss you but I think she misses you more..
Word Count: 3666 Adult Themed but SFW (Later chapters will be entirely NSFW. We’re building to it. I’m a sucker for sexual tension, ok?) Reader specifics: She has some sort of fashion color in her hair. It can be any color(s), in any amount, but it’s there. 2. She has a small tattoo on her right bicep. That is all. :D
Author’s Note: This little chapter was what started my journey into Prompto hell. It has since taken over my entire damn life and it’s all thanks to someone else’s photoshoot one shot. It was fine, but it left me un satisfied. I’ve tried my hand at modeling before, so the flow just felt inorganic. I also just couldn’t wrap my head around (the canon version of) Prompto just banging a chick he just met during a photoshoot. So I was like…I’m an ok writer…I could write it…then I needed it…and before I knew it, I was neck deep into 9 chapters and I now have an overarching plan to fix the end of the damn game. (Facepalm) I’ve been consumed.
I ALMOST didn’t post this. I’ve been reeling, trying to make it perfect. Then my dumb ass muse was like, “PREQUEL!”
Then it was like, “ONE SHOTS!” and I started like 4 that are currently incomplete because I keep going back to this damn chapter and fixing it. If I don’t just post this, I’m going to find a reason not to.
So here you go my lovely Prompto fans. I hope you enjoy it.
(If I tagged you, it’s because I’m pretty sure you appreciate Prompto. I hope that’s ok!!
Goethe University is participating in international Event Horizon Telescope (EHT) Collaboration via the ERC-project Black Hole Cam
The international Event Horizon Telescope (EHT) Collaboration, which is imaging for the first time the black-hole candidate at the center of our Milky Way, has a major research focus in Germany. A significant contribution to this experiment is part of “BlackHoleCam”, a German-Dutch experiment founded in 2014. The research group of Prof. Rezzolla at the Institute for Theoretical Physics at the Goethe University Frankfurt is part of the collaboration. BlackHoleCam is supported by the European Research Council via an ERC Synergy Grant of 14 Million Euros.
Due to the strong pull of gravity, not even light can escape from black holes, whose surface, i.e., the event horizon, cannot be observed directly. However, the boundary which separates photons that are trapped from those that can escape from the incredible gravitational pull is called the black-hole “shadow”, because it would appear as a shadow against a bright lit background. It is such a shadow that is the target of series of observations presently ongoing of Sgr A*, the name of the black-hole candidate in our Milky Way. During the observations, the researchers will analyze the radio emission emitted by Sgr A*, whose mass is 4.5 million times that of our Sun and whose shadow is about half of the size of the distance between the Sun and the Earth.
Despite being so massive, Sgr A* is also very far from us, at a 26,000 light years, making the angular size of the shadow extremely small. Measuring the emission from this surface is therefore equivalent to imaging an apple on the surface of the Moon. To accomplish this ambitious project several radio telescopes across the globe are connected and thus form a virtual telescope with a diameter comparable to the Earth. This technique is called Long Baseline Interferometry (VLBI).
The work of BlackHoleCam is lead by Prof. Luciano Rezzolla (ITP, Frankfurt), Prof. Michael Kramer (Max Planck Institute for Radio Astronomy, Bonn), and by Prof. Heino Falcke (Radboud-University Nijmegen, Netherlands); all of them are important contributors of the EHT collaboration. In the current observations of Sgr A*, network of radiotelescopes from Europe, the United States of America, Middle- and South America, and the South Pole telescope are participating at the same time. During the observations, each telescope records the data on hard disks which are shipped after the end of the campaign to one of the high-performance computer centers in the US or to Bonn. In these centers the individual data of the telescopes are combined by supercomputers and an image can be reconstructed.
This shadow image can be regarded as the starting point for the theoretical research of Prof. Rezzolla’s group. Besides predicting theoretically what type of image scientists is expected to observe, the group in Frankfurt is also working on determining whether it will be possible to establish if Einstein’s theory of general relativity is the correct theory of gravity. There are several other theories of gravity besides the well-known one by Einstein and the observations of the black-hole shadow may help to identify the true one. Because of this, scientists in Frankfurt analyze the size and the geometry of the shadow and compare them to synthetic images generated on supercomputers which model accretion flows onto black holes..
These images are computed by solving the equations of relativistic magneto-hydrodynamics and tracing the orbit of photons around black holes in different theories of gravity using state-of-the art numerical tools developed in the group of Prof. Rezzolla. Comparing the synthetic shadow to the observed one may shed light on the existence of one of the most extreme predictions of Einstein’s theory of gravity: the existence of black holes. However, as Prof. Rezzolla remarks, “These observations represent a major step forward in the international attempt of understanding the nature of the dark and compact object at the centre of our Galaxy. However, they are just the first step and it is likely that many more observations of increasing precision will be necessary for finally settling this fundamental issue”.