agent-bartowski-deactivated2014  asked:

Nissi, perhaps you can answer my query. Is it okay as a white woman to compliment PoCs' hairstyles? I find myself complimenting women with what I would call "powerful" hair, like rad colors and afros, and I found myself wondering if this was appropriate on my part? Thanks!

of course it’s ok to compliment PoC’s hair. it just depends on how you do it. here are some acceptable compliments

  • I love your hair. It really compliments your face
  • Your hair looks great
  • Your hair looks cool
  • I like your hair

Here are some unacceptable compliments

  • OMG I LOVE YOUR HAIR! **reaches out to touch it**
  • I love your hair. It’s so ethnic
  • I love your hair. My maid Anna wears it the same way
  • Omg your hair looks like *insert animal name or inanimate object (ex. poodle, Brillo pad)*
  • I could never wear my hair like that….but it looks great on you
  • Omg do you think I could pull off that style?? I might want to give it a try
  • I love the way you people look when you wear your hair like that.
  • Asking questions to make it seem like their hair is some kinds of freak show (how do you do THAT? do you wash your hair every day?? do you like, glue the braids to your scalp?? do your dreads smell after a while?)

All of these reactions to PoC demonstrate that the person complementing the hair isn’t admiring the style, but rather is fetishizing the hair of PoC and only is intrigued by it because it represents the exotic other, while white hair remains the standard.

Was that clear?

agent-bartowski-deactivated2014  asked:

Will we ever get to see a pic of y'all together? Seeing this cuteness unfold is warming my heart through my screen!

ooooooooooo chile

until April 23, that’s not even an option lol

but, i don’t think i would put us out there like that. im already kind of iffy about putting myself 100% out there via tumblr, with my face being so visible…but i think having separate blogs (he has a tumblr too) allows us to be individuals and keep our tumblrs as separate spaces

if our pictures go out

i could never rant and rave if i was mad at him

without first thinking about the kind of effect it would have on him


maybe in the future i’ll send you and others that ask a pic of us

one on one


we’re cute together

he’s tall as FUCK

but for fun i like to stand next to him and look at us in the mirror

we’re a good lookin pair lol