mixed up journals


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i can’t spend another year like this

im done being played with. im done with the mind games (even if he doesn’t know he’s playing them). im done laying in bed at night wondering if anything more is possible. ive spent nearly this whole year being absolutely infatuated with my best friend and my heart cannot take another year of it, especially when he’s playing w my emotions.

my friend goes, “you need to tell him to either man up, break up w her, and be with you, or to stop flirting w you and treat you like a friend.”

and that’s a very good point. its not fair to me or her that he flirts w me. on the other hand, if this is all im ever going to get from him, my instinct is to enjoy it while it lasts. BUT IF THIS IS IT, then i should just wait for Mr. Right

he’s my best friend. in scared i may ruin that if i say anything but odds are that he knows anyway. and if he doesn’t know already, he probably will soon just bc of the number of people who i have told.

new year’s resolution - im gonna tell him. maybe not right away, bc i don’t have the courage for that rn. but im gonna tell him.

best case scenario, he breaks up w his terrible gf (im not just saying that she’s terrible, we all agree that she is. she’s like manipulative towards him, its not healthy), ill tell him then, we get together and live happily ever after

worst case scenario, they stay together, i tell him anyway, he gets weirded out, and i lose my best friend

and of course, everything in between