mixed tape

deanlovescasposts  asked:

What I want really bad is for Cas to give Dean a t shirt with Dean's favorite band on it or some other little gift he thinks Dean would like. He would be cute and awkward just lik he was when he gave Claire the grumpy cat but it would be different. The last gift he gave, Claire's grumpy cat, was out of a sorta familial love but it would be romantic love for Dean just like how Dean gave Cas the mix tape. Ughhhhh I DIE omg

Cas: All awkward and sweet with a little smile then….Umm, why don’t you try it on?

Originally posted by winchester-novak

What’s in the Mix with a Mix-Tape? (12x19)

Mix-tapes were a feature of my twenties in the early 1990s. I’ve still got a tonne of them. Although, that tech died for a reason - it degrades big time. 

But, I’ve kept them for sentiment. They have home-made covers, created from cut-up and cut-down postcards, with hand-writing in coloured pen listing the tracks on the inside. And sometimes, hand-drawn hearts and personal dedications. 

They were made for me by people who loved me - some of whom are still in my life, some not. 

Making a mix-tape took hours, especially if you were (as we usually did) making a compilation and mixing and matching artists. You had to think about how each track would follow another; the tone, the tempo, the mood, the lyrics. Wind, rewind, record, relisten… they were extended love-notes very often. 

Dean’s mix-tape for Cas reads “Dean’s top 13 Zepp TRA XX”

  He’s written it as “TRA XX” as if, just maybe, you could read that as a couple of kisses at the end, insteady of a groovy way to spell “tracks”. Ambiguous, diffident, scrawled, unspoken, but there… Oh Dean….

But, Cas tried to give it back. After ignoring Dean’s phone-calls, Cas returned to the bunker to try and return a piece of Dean ‘s heart, to lie to him and steal from him.

Cas came into Dean’s room, his intimate and personal space, and, as Dean says, “played him”. He stole the Colt from under Dean’s pillow, knowing full well what the history of the Colt means to Dean.  

Characterization-wise, how can Cas have regressed like that? Knowing, as he does, that going behind Dean’s back in S6 hurt Dean so much and began such a terrible rift between them?

Sure, Cas says it’s to protect the Winchesters from Dagon. No doubt that’s true. 

But, Castiel is also someone who has recently said “I love you” (in 12x12 Stuck in the Middle with You) and not heard it back…

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone and not heard it back? 

It haunts you, it eats at you, you feel stupid, you feel rejected, you feel… lost.

Dean’s mix-tape was probably his way of trying to say, “I love you” back,  but how would Cas know what a mix-tape means? Or perhaps he did know, thanks to Metatron’s pop-culture upgrade, and returning the tape was our angel’s way of being a bit snippy, a bit passive-aggressive  - Thanks for the cop-out tape gift, Dean, but I would quite like to hear you say it. 

And why is Dean so forgiving, explaining to Sam how Cas needs a win, how he gets it, as he rumages around under the hood of Cas’s truck, fixing her up?

Well, it’s eternal sub-text, of course, but here goes… 

Because Dean knows he is someone to whom, “I love you,” has been said. And, despite his worried phone calls, his appeals to “Team Free Will”, Dean also knows he is someone who has not said it back…

unless of course you count two “XX”’s on a mix-tape.

The first mixed tape Jonathan makes for Steve stays in the top drawer of his night table for over a month because, even though he knows Steve will like it, Jonathan isn’t sure if he’s ready to let Steve know just how much he cares.

When Steve finally receives the mixed tape, hastily left on the passenger seat as Jonathan, mumbling something at him, bustles out of the car after school, he slips it into the cassette player of his car and avoids driving home until he’s listened to it the whole way through. The tape never leaves his car after that and Steve regularly takes long drives to clear his head, trading arguments with his father for the melodies that drip from his car speakers. Sometimes those drives take him, teary-eyed and exhausted, to the Byers’s, where he knows he’ll find a cup of coffee and comforting silence.

I think Dean actually made this tape when he was young and has been carrying it around with him for years. It’s super special to him because it has all his favorite Zeppelin songs and it’s the tape that has been played so much it’s nearly worn out. He and Sam have played that tape and sung along with Robert Plant on a thousand cross-country drives. And this tape probably got him through a whole lot of lonely drives after Sam went to Stanford. He knew that those songs were special to John and Mary and it’s become the soundtrack of Sam and Dean’s lives.

Under all of his tough guy bluster, Dean is a sentimental romantic. He wore the Samulet for years. He treats Baby like a living thing because it means family and home. He kept Castiel’s trenchcoat in his trunk for months after he died, even moving it from car to car. And his most treasured possession is a picture of his mother. Dean puts deep meaning into the few items he holds dear. 

So the fact that he wanted to gift this (and wouldn’t take it back) to Cas means so much. It means that Cas is family and that he wants to share with Cas something that is an integral part of who he is. For a man whose entire earthly possessions can fit in a car trunk and a duffel bag, to give something that you made yourself and kept with you for maybe decades to a friend is a truly special gift. 

A Mix Tape

The “mix tape,” as Castiel understands it, is an expression of devotion. Music is a common expression of emotion; music is an extension of the human soul. Though Castiel appreciates music, there is very little close to Castiel’s own heart that plays within the range of human hearing. Reciprocating the gesture exactly seems destined to fail. But a mix tape, Castiel reasons, is a compilation of messages signifying thoughts, dreams, emotions, the soul. He can work with the general concept.

~~~

Dean heads to bed half dead with exhaustion, up too late researching what looks to be a new monster gobbling people in Southwest border towns. He misses the box at first. It’s almost the same color as his bedspread. But he jostles it when he collapses onto his mattress and it rattles. “What the–?”

Dean flips open the lid and stares for a moment at the jumble inside, confused. There’s a cross-cut spiral sea shell that catches the light with a milky sheen. He pulls stiff handmade paper wrapped in twine. Dean unwraps it to find a pressed violet, purple petals spread perfectly to display its still vibrant yellow streaked center. There’s a glass bird, blown from forest green glass. There’s a peanut butter jar. Emptied of food, it now holds black loam with one perfect oval stone on top. There’s a rolled up piece of paper with a drawing of a 1967 Chevy Impala, perfectly rendered. Dean and Sam lean against the car laughing, their smiles carefully etched in fine, thin pencil strokes. Dean takes all of these and lays them out on the bedspread, body curled around the spread like a dragon protecting its hoard

Outside he hears a timid knock. Dean looks up and he knows his emotions sit on his face like a ten foot tall neon sign when he says, “come on in.” Cas opens the door, but doesn’t step inside. He looks apprehensive, though Dean can tell he’s trying to hide it. Cas’s face is war-stiff but his eyes are a little too wide, brows a little too high.

“You do this?” Dean asks, needlessly.

Cas balls his fists at his side. “You, uh– I wanted to…return the gesture.” He looks half terrified but his gaze stays riveted on Dean like it’s the only thing keeping him afloat in the ocean.

Dean looks back down at the bedspread. “A mix tape,” he says before looking up with a grin. “You did good, Cas.”

Cas relaxes into the door frame and Dean extends his hand to him. “C'mere,” he says. “Tell me about everything.”

I just watched 12x19. Lots of big stuff here. But first can I please just point out.

DEAN MADE CAS A MIXED TAPE.

CAS HAS HIS OWN ROOM AT THE BUNKER.

PLEASE STOP AND THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS FOR A MOMENT. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Being able to listen to Namjoon’s, Yoongi’s and Hobi’s personal playlists on Spotify makes me feel like there’s a connection between us and the boys through songs beyond their own music. Like these songs impacted them in some way and now we can share that with them. And that what’s beautiful about the ARMYs and BTS relationship