mixed girl problem

Whites with Tans

Does anyone else have this problem? In the summer, white people with tans run up to me and press their arms/bodies against mine and compare color, and when they are obviously darker, they loudly declare themselves to be “blacker than” me. Like seriously, no. Stop. Not okay.

15 Natural Curly Hair Problems

1. the immense pain when you try to pull out a hair tie

2. wearing big earrings, because studs can’t be seen through the jungle

3. the “you should straighten your hair! It would look SO pretty straightened!” comment

4. the amount of bobby pins that fall out in the shower

5. the horror of having to actually use a brush

6. the horror of having to actually wash your hair

7. the back pain/problems you’ll probably have when you’re in your thirties from bending over to blow dry your hair

8. people just come up and start petting you without your permission

9. people just touching your hair in general

10. going through airport security and having the metal detector ding a million times because bobby pins are permanently stuck to your hair

11. wind

12. getting asked if you curl it by hand (ain’t nobody got time for dat)

13. you have to set aside money each month for hair products

14. humidity/rain is your worst nightmare

15. not at all a problem really, but the fact that you look exotic, and your hair is fun, different, versatile, and ultimately f*ckin’ gorgeous.  You go girl.

PSA

• Don’t use the terms “mixed” or “biracial” without specification if you just mean black/white mixes.
• Not everyone mixed with black is also mixed with white.
• Not everyone mixed in general is mixed with white.
• Mixed race people aren’t always “at war with themselves”.

Thank you.

Rules for Mixed Chicks

1. Don’t let your African/ Caribbean culture fade away
2. Cherish and take care of your beautiful curls
3. Act as a middle ground between black and white people politically (sadly, this is lacking)
4. Comb your hair when it’s wet. Please.
5. Don’t mix up your thick body with being “fat” (and if you’re bigger or smaller, ya good too)
6. Embrace your hair, complexion, and features and don’t try to strive to look like a white girl
7. Use SPF 15 (you still half white fam)
8. Try to learn a lot about both parent’s cultures
9. Kinky Curly “Knot Today” conditioner will SAVE YOUR LIFE USE IT!!¡¡
10. Remember how beautiful you are and carry it with you every single moment of your life.

Growing up in a predominantly white area was, and still is, hellish for me.

Growing up in a mainly white area was, and still is, hellish for me.

At the age of 5 I moved from a place where there were lots of boys and girls like me but then i moved school to the south west of England. People were mainly from England, and it’s very difficult because in my old school people came from all over the world! Some people don’t make me feel comfortable where I am now, and this makes me feel really very sad. When I think about it, maybe they just don’t know much about different people, cultures and communities! My old home was quite different.

From the age of 5 onward my friends call me racist names and made hurtful comments towards me. I have just moved to an all-white, farmer-dominated primary school, and the hateful mindset that some of them live in causes me to feel unwanted. I am compared to animal feces, told to go back to my own country, and that I should be pleased that at least some of me is white. I do not think that all of them meant to say the things they did, to deliberately make me feel isolated and afraid, but their lack of experience with talking to, and being with, people even remotely different from themselves really makes an impact when it comes to talking to someone from a Mixed Race background like myself. I’m receiving comments like “you’re an outsider” ” The coloured one” ”you’re kind of pretty for a brown girl” ”you’re the same colour as shit.” All of these types of comments from an early age all through to the age of 11, made me feel like less of a person than I really am; it was my racial background that made me feel like this.

At the age of 10 I’m waiting on a fairy godmother to come down and cast a spell so I can be white, so I can be the same as everyone else. My peers and my predominantly white surroundings make me feel unbelievably uncomfortable. I started to become aware that it was my appearance that attracted unwanted attention with other people, but it’s my complex heritage that is my monster to fight. I feel like I don’t know my own heritage and this has always made me feel disconnected to where I could possibly belong.  I am not BiRacial or anything as easy to explain as that. I am a true mix of hundreds of different nationalities and my family before me are also like this. Somehow, I still can’t get over the confusion I feel every day about it and if I can’t understand it, how can I expect other people to understand and respect me? I don’t think it is seen as a good thing right now, it just makes me different.

  At the age of 11 I’ve just moved up to a senior school in Dorset. I’m afraid and different to the rest of my year. Everyone is white. I feel like loneliness is eating me alive, swallowing every ounce of hope I have yet to spare. It feasts upon any confidence and self love I have left, leaving behind this empty carcass; I’m full of so much despair and self-loathing that I can’t seem to hold onto anything positive anymore. The people I share my education with take my heart into their claws, squeezing out all the life I can muster that morning. I have somehow created a monster within my mind and it only ever wants me to feel cold and useless. I have no power over it. I feel like I shouldn’t be the colour I am and I feel like I shouldn’t be accepted into their society because I’m not like them.

At the age of 14 I’ve moved again, this time to Cornwall. The very end of England. I think that as I’ve moved around, I’ve had to fight the same battles each time. Meeting new people and each time having to explain my genetic makeup, something I, myself, don’t even fully understand yet.

Whilst being down here, not only have I, personally, been the receiver of discriminatory comments and the punch line to jokes because of my skin colour, but I have played witness to countless islamophobic jokes and Donald Trump-like views being openly preached.

Being told that “racism doesn’t exist anymore” will never fail to make me re-evaluate what I should and shouldn’t be offended at.  The fact that these people, some of which are racist to me and to other people, think that it it is okay to say that infuriates me.I can’t help but think “they don’t know a damn thing!” and then this in turn makes me question “Do I know a damn thing?”. Sometimes it’ll be for five minutes.  An hour. A day. A week. But looking back on it now I understand that I am allowed to feel however I want to about discriminative comments said to me or that affect me.

“There’s no such thing as white privilege” says the white man. Having people deny the product of their history because they don’t like it will always seem ridiculous to me; being told this in the aggressive way that it was,just makes me angry and upset. I remember thinking “How dare he? How dare he deny something that will forever affect me and vast amount of people in the world?” I think that part of me is jealous because it will never affect his life in a negative way, and this infuriates me. It infuriates me that I have no control over how such a medieval concept as white privilege can tragically still be a major issue today!

And to top it all off: “ Mixed race people are just products of a dirty love.”  To those of you that are reading this and are mixed race, do I really need to explain why this was one of the most devastatingly catastrophic few seconds of my life? My life, my family, and other people in the mixed race community were just being insulted and shunned. I remember receiving the comment and I felt like my heart skipped a beat. The feelings that rushed through me where unearthly and tortuous, and if I was to explain how I feel about it, it would take me millenia.

At the age of 15 I frequently think about what culture and what background suits me the most. I come from a multi cultural background that holds a phenomenal mix of races. Am I Indian? Am I Irish? I’ve never really felt like I fit in with the communities that I have roots in because of how frail each root is. I can find myself thinking that I haven’t ever got anyone to talk about this kind of mixed race exclusive issue.

However, when I am with other people who feel the same as I do about this kind of situation, I feel like I am accepted and that I do matter. When feeling down about all this, the best thing is to talk to someone that might understand and be able to relate about this situation as it provides a sense of comfort and community.

To those of you that have just read what I have had to say:
If you are in the lucky position to not be in the situation that I am in, I beg of you to learn from the mistakes that I have spoke of. Don’t be that person that is clueless about what they are saying.
If you are in a similar position to myself then just remember that you are never alone.

The sweetest little mixed Black girl (she was about two) came into the store today with her white mom and grandma. She had curly hair like mine and her skin was a few shades darker than mine. (Probably because she’s getting sun and I’m not. I used to be as dark as her. *sigh*) 

I greeted her mom and grandma and when she saw me her face lit up and she started waving in her cute two year old way. It got cuter because as I made my rounds around the store, whenever she would see me she would smile REALLY big and wave. At one point her mom said to her, “You really like her! She’s got hair like yours.” So I told her her hair was pretty.

She was the sweetest. When her mom was ready to leave to take her to the fountain the little kids like to play in at the shopping center, her mom told her to say bye and would you know this little angel waved and then BLEW ME A KISS?! The sweetest thing.

I love moments like that with kids, but especially with little girls that look like me. It just is so special in away that’s hard to describe. I just remember as a kid only knowing like two people who looked like me (besides my sister). They were our family friends and they were sisters. Besides that it was hard to find people or images that reflected me.

So having that moment with that sweet little girl today felt so good, because I swear she recognized we were the same in some way. I hope she grows up with other girls that she can identify with in some way. I certainly hope the same when I have kids one day.

2

This is my little sister and she loves her hair. She loves her skin color and how her hair sets her apart from other girls her age. She’s becoming more conscience of her nationality every day and she loves it. This is different from how I grew up. I hated having curly hair; so much that I relaxed it when I was eight years old. Six years later, it’s one of my biggest regrets. I’m so so so happy that my little sister embraces her look. 

there’s this one special type of gaslighting that happens when you’re mixed white and of color where people refer to you as the race they self-identify with when they’re happy with you and then ~accuse you of being the other one when they’re mad at you

this happens both ways for me. a white family member would call me white growing up when they were proud of me and then say I was “just another one of them” when I didn’t agree with them or pissed them off

similarly poc have called me a strong brown woman blah blah when things are good and then “YOURE JUST A WHITE PERSON I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR WHITE PEOPLE PROBLEMS” when I’ve been like “hey lol you’re ignoring my emotional needs and it’s kind of fucked up”

took me a long time to realize that trying to apply social justice rhetoric of “the more privileged person needs to shut up” in an interpersonal situation can often be a really insidious form of gaslighting

if a female mixed race abuse victim is telling you that you’re triggering her physical boundaries and you respond by screaming that she’s just a stupid white girl and you don’t care about her problems, you’re actually being really fucking gross sorry

similarly both of the examples I just cited are equally oppressive and terrible because it’s like split-thinking? it’s like you’re carving me up and deciding half of me is Good and half of me is Bad. I’m not half one person and half another. I’m one, holistic person. I am always mixed.

i figured I’d post about it because it’s honestly extremely manipulative and because my self-image is in flux (like 90% of mixed people I know) I am really susceptible to being jerked around by this and I need to stop hanging out with people who do this. I need help remembering not to fuck with people who do this

that’s all