mixed feelings about this set

[TG: emotional and physical abuse, attempted sexual assault, mentioned suicide]

I have finally finished Caraval and I have so many mixed feelings about it! On one hand I really enjoyed the setting and the plot twists but on the other there were so many things that annoyed me. 

- This book has been compared with the The Night Circus so I had very high expectations going into the story. I agree with similarity in the mysterious and magical setting that makes you question reality. But The Night Circus is unique in so many regards and I don’t think it’s fair for Caraval to be compared with it, otherwise people will go into the story with expectations that are different from what it truly is.

- I wasn’t a huge fan of Garber’s writing style. Sometimes it got way too repetitive especially when it came to Scarlett and her constant dialogue regarding her sister. I also feel like the author was trying too hard to be poetic and atmospheric but ended up being too superficial.

- [SPOILER] I also feel like the relationship between Scarlett and Julian was quite rushed, forced and unnecessary and there are certain scenes that the book could definitely have gone without [such as kissing scenes when the characters should have been focusing on fleeing]. 

- I appreciated the focus on sibling relationships and how the sisters would go to the ends of the earth to protect each other. Reading about their relationship with their father was truly horrible: to see a man treat his daughters like objects is just too awful to comprehend and I’m glad Garber tackled this important subject. 

- My favourite characters by far are Julian and Tella and they are the main reasons why I will definitely continue on with this series! I hope the second book will focus a lot more on their perspectives because I think they have so much to offer.

-All in all Caraval is an interesting read with a very wonderful concept but it’s definitely not a favourite of mine. I hope the second book will be worth waiting for!

2

i want you | for pacifica & dipper | [collection]

a set of mixes about hidden feelings finally bubbling to the surface, lost wishes wasted on stars, and stubborn goals taking their rightful place, all in the middle of a sweltering summer 

SIDE A: here’s a funny little story | from dipper, to pacifica | [listen]

i. summertime - the head and the heart // ii. love like this - kodaline // iii. bloom - the paper kites // iv. better for you - said the whale // v. hope you do - cinders // vi. valentine - the bad first impressions // vii. ana ng - they might be giants // viii. i want you - the future kings of nowhere // ix. how do i tell a girl i want to kiss her? - modern baseball // x. chasing cars - snow patrol // xi. tenerife sea - ed sheeran // xii. i wanna be yours - arctic monkeys // xiii. come under the covers - walk the moon // xiv. if my heart were a house - owl city // xv. bonus track

SIDE B: don’t joke with me now | from pacifica, to dipper | [listen]

i. youth - troye sivan // ii. roses - the chainsmokers ft. rozes // iii. i’m yours - alessia cara // iv. hypnotic - zella day // v. carousel - melanie martinez // vi. i’m a ruin - marina and the diamonds // vii. lifted - birdy // viii. i want you - sophie b. hawkins // ix. i think we had our first kiss while watching food network - hann cassady // x. i owe you one - lights // xi. video games - lana del ray // xii. open your eyes (deep blue songspell) - bea miller // xii. i’d rather be in love - michelle branch // xiv. adore - paramore // xv. bonus track

cover art by the amazing @its-all-for-this-family

10

NATALIE AND WILL IN EVERY EPISODE || Clarity (1x10)

Why do you always take things out on me? You invite me in, and then you push me back. You ask for my opinion, and then you completely ignore me. It hurts, Will. You wouldn’t treat anyone else like this, so why me? 

Don’t you know?

LOOKING TOO CLOSELY || a Richie Gecko fanmix

Songs for the brother riding shotgun in his own soul. For the whisper no one else seems to hear and how it leaves an itch behind his eyelids and in his trigger-finger. For lock artists losing touch and prodigies losing track of the sins he’s taken upon himself, and the demons he’d never asked for. 

001. “Some Thing’s Coming” - I Monster;; 002. “Ricochet” - Blue Foundation;; 003. “Truth” - Alex Ebert;;  004. “Looking Too Closely” - Fink;; 005. “Sometimes…” - Yoav;; 006. “Devil In Me” - Jamie N Commons;; 007. “Strip My Mind” - Red Hot Chili Peppers;; 008. “String Theory” - Doomtree;; 009. “One For The Road” - Arctic Monkeys;; 010. “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” - Detroit Social Club;; 011. “Arsonist’s Lullaby” - Hozier;; 012. “Assassinations” - Stateless;; 013. “Die By The Drop” - The Dead Weather;; 014. “One Of Them” - Jace Everett;; 015. “Can’t Play Dead” - The Heavy

{ L I S T E N } || {FDTD MIXES}

i have a lot of mixed feelings about being around little kids like.. toddlers being toddlers often sets off my sensory issues. but like all my life ive always been apparently unusually good with really young kids (like 2-8) and i actually do like working with them sometimes. like ive babysat for neighbors and i had an internship in the childrens section of a library and children just. tend to really like me. i dont know what quality i have that makes it that way but it makes me happy

anonymous asked:

First off, I wanted to say that I too really love reading your analysis!!! Second,I'd like to know what's your view on Axel's character growth during the course of KH2 (from his attempts to get Roxas back leading to his sacrifice). You can expand it by including his actions from Days if you want. Thank you in advance! :)

The phrase I used in a post the other day for Axel at the end of Days was “about to slide down a rather steep slide into basically suicide.” So uh. Before I continue, this is the trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and actions for those of you who would like to stop reading. Not to mention the, um, general trigger warnings that go along with Axel…

I don’t see Axel as a particularly mentally stable character. I don’t mean for that to sound insulting to anyone - it’s a matter of empathy for me and my long list of DSM conditions. It’s hard, if not impossible to put names of conditions to fictional characters, especially when different metaphysics like hearts are involved, and I don’t plan on doing so in this post.

Axel is a character so driven by passion. Saix says of Axel, after his death “Axel couldn’t stand living without a heart, and was destroyed by getting close to one.” This is more or less a perfect reading of what happened - fitting, coming from his once best friend.

Lea is such a character of the heart - about connecting it to as many people as possible, about living by his ambitions and fiery passions and wills, that the loss of his heart really throws him. In CoM, he is the character who talks constantly about what it means to be a Nobody and how messed up that makes them.

Even then, in his first appearance, we see him as throwing himself at feeling. It’s actually really creepy in this game. It seems like, due to his interaction with Sora (and possibly Sora’s connection with Ven and Lea’s connection with Ven, who knows) along with his interactions with Roxas in the first 20 or so days of Days, he has really started to regrow his heart. The first emotion he seems to really feel in a long time? Enjoyment at the manipulation and downfall of the C.O. crew.

In his secret reports, he spends a lot of the early game commenting on how everything seemingly human Roxas and Xion do not only confuses him, but gets to him on a deeper level. Again, I do not want to venture into more clinical terms here. But compare Axel’s entries like this: 

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation.

or

Watching them, it’s like they’re human. It’s messing with my head.

with Luxord’s:

I find myself envying the children. Perhaps some fundamental difference exists between those who become Nobodies as adults and otherwise. The longer you have lived, the more you are positioned to lose with such a gamble. But a child can look forward, unafraid even in the face of immeasurable odds. I doubt they even see life as a gamble the way we do.

There is the same sort of longing in the latter, but it is resigned, distant, and despite the mention of a feeling, it is somehow less visceral. By the end of the game, Axel’s entries are pretty frantic and mention emotion all over the place.

But my point is, is that these interactions with humanity are really intense and important and psychologically powerful for Axel. And, in effect, we learn that they have made him no longer a true Nobody. When he says as he dies “he made me feel like I had a heart”, he is speaking more truth then he knows - Axel by the end of Days indeed had a heart, or part of one, that was hurt and broken and torn.

I linked a post a long time back to a fantastic longread about Axel that read him as a kind of addict for this emotional connection, and I still think that is a very accurate reading. The fact that we now know that he had a partly formed heart, just enough to really feel the pain and anguish and need of having everything pulled away from him at the end of Days only adds, if you pardon the pun, fuel to that fire.

I have said several times on this blog that Axel/Lea is characterized by fire and passion and drive. And that in its pure form in will run wild and just burn everything in it’s path. What we are seeing in KH2 is basically that. It is the last shred of control, of reign Axel has over his wildfire, over his fury and passion and pain slipping.

In the beginning of the game, he is trying to scheme, still. Trying to use tactics, to hide, to be sarcastic. In the end of Roxas’s section, he breaks for a moment. The Novels, which I am on record as having mixed feelings about, state that when Axel sets fire to the entire room when he is fighting Roxas, it is because he is content to die there with Roxas, if only to have that final moment. While you don’t have to read it at that extreme, there is only one other time Axel sets fire to everything, and that is his death. Axel’s fire is a metaphor - when it is targeted, controlled, so is he. When it is wild and everywhere, so is he. Think of how precise it had to be when he burned Vexen from the inside.

When we see Axel on Destiny Islands, he seems tired. Someone can actually compare the frames, and this could just be Mr. Flynn’s fantastic voice acting, but it seems to me that Axel is… off. Like he is trying hard to keep himself composed. There is a kind of mad desperation in the way he confronts Kairi. If you watch, the Camera doesn’t film much of that scene straight - there are a lot of strange tilted angles. This is, by the way, masterful scene work.

And it’s a stupid, stupid idea. I mean, think about it. Axel plans on kidnapping Kairi while on the run from the Organization, through dark corridors. He then plans on what? confronting Sora and demanding that he let the heartless take his heart or Axel will kill Kairi? I mean, he is forgetting about Riku, he is forgetting about the Organization, about Sora’s hundreds of allies… It’s not a very good plan. I mean, Sora would probably go along with it - he did in KHone. But still. From the level of schemer we saw in CoM this is a seriously concerning idea.

And if you were not convinced, the game shows you Kairi getting away with Riku’s help. Then it takes Axel a while to find her. By the time he gets to Twilight Town, she’s made friends with Hayner, Pence and Olette. And by that point, Saix has caught up to him. It’s a big mess.

And intentionally so. This was the last ditch effort. This was Axel, an Axel with some of a heart, going “I will kill this girl, and whoever else I have to, to get the hero of the worlds - the one who is going to save everyone, to let himself die because all i care about is seeing my friend and feeling again.” And he failed.

By the time he confronts Sora, his body language is almost drunk tired. He’s trying to put back up his mask, but Sora gets to him with all that humanity, with his pleas. It’s at this point that it seems that Axel is just running, striking where he can. Why is he telling Sora this? What does he have to gain from Sora knowing this? Nothing - this is him not wanting Sora, and by extension Roxas to be used as a tool of the Organization. This is him trying to undermine them now. His plan has failed. All he can do now is make amends. That exasperated sigh when he says “look, about Kairi, I’m sorry.” He means that. He is sorry. He even makes time to say it again as he’s dying.

I think at his point, Axel has given up. He knows he is going to die one way or another and he isn’t fighting it. Hell, part of him wants to. What’s left for him? I have a lot of feelings about Axel as the poisonous friend. Everyone he befriends gets hurt. I don’t think this is something lost on Axel. I think that he realizes this. Some of this is probably more headcanon than analysis, but I think at this point he’s pretty disgusted with himself.

He’s on the run from his first best friend, trying to save the last shread of his other best friend, watching everything go to shit, and he’s failing again, and he’s just kidnapped a girl for, it turns out no reason, and he’s exhausted and what does he have to show for himself but pain and death and fire?

So when we see him again, where is he? He is between the fake Twilight Town and The World that Never Was. At this point, he is so exhausted that a single dusk catches him off guard and knocks him over, leaving him struggling to get up. He has no reason to be here other than to help Sora make it to the other side. It’s outright suicide to get this close to the Organization at this point, but you need someone to open the portal on both ends. If the Dusks hadn’t swarmed him here, Axel would have done the same thing somewhere else in TWTNW. I mean, we don’t even know how necessary the attack was - can a portal not be opened while there are dusks in the in between? No - I think he was just so tired of running and the next stop was TWTNW. If he did go through there, he’d be taken to the Castle. Maybe “the maximum punishment” isn’t death, but worse. Maybe he didn’t want to die while Saix looked on. Maybe he just wanted to die on his own terms. Maybe he just was tired of holding in all the fire and passion and rage and hurt inside.

That got long and sad and I am sorry.

paratroopakoopa  asked:

Could you mix silver border and black border cards in an unset? Maybe to reprint certain cards or put in new squirrel cards that you could use in modern and other formats.

How would you all feel about the mixing of black and silver borders in a set?