mister joker

Certified nutso

Pairing; Joker x Harley 

Harley messes up on a heist and when the joker figures out, he raises hell.

A/N: This is very dark and unlike anything i’ve written before, but i thought i’d give it a try.

Warnings; Graphic violence, gore, abuse

The entire room was quiet. Mister J had taken us all out on a heist. We had it all perfectly planned, down to the tiniest detail. But of course stupid batsy had to interfere. I was standing guard at the bank entrance, revolver in my hand. Mister J was rounding up people and killing those who didn’t say yes sir when told to get on their knees. The other goons did the heavy work. Emptying vaults, loading bags up with money and carrying them out to the back of the van. Everything was running smoothly.

Mister J was laughing, waving his arms around and firing shots everywhere. People were screaming and covering their ears. I fucked up. I fucked up really bad. Stupid, stupid me being so in love with my puddin, i was dumb enough to take my eyes of the front door to catch a glimpse of him in his psycothic glory. It was only for a couple of seconds, but it was enough time for batman to kick in the door in and punch me in the stomach.

‘’JOKER!’’ he roared and came running towards him. Mister J was caught off guard and didn’t have time to do anything before batsy tackled him to the ground and beat him. Naturally, he wasn’t expecting the bat to storm in and attack him because he trusted me to do my really fucking easy job right.

It all ended up with the batman grabbing me and threatening to throw me off the roof of the building. He would never actually do it, I mean come on, he’s the good guy remember? But he knew I was Mister J’s only weakness. Minutes later, we were surrounded by helicopters and police cars and we barely managed to escape. Mister J disappeared while me and his goons raced the van out of there quicker than you can say puddin

 Now we all sat in Mister J’s mansion, awaiting our punishment. None of us knew where he was right know but we knew he was coming back. He probably needed to blow off some steam and kill a few people. Several of his goons where shaking in their pants. I have to admit; even I was a little shaky. We had never fucked up this bad. We always followed procedure and we always had a plan b. All of a sudden, the door burst open and in came mister j. His hair was messy, strands of his neon green hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. His shirt missed two buttons and he had fresh blood on his naked chest. ‘’NOW’’ he howled and looked at us. We jumped in our seats and looked down, terrified to make eye contact. ‘’How come, a group of useless, worthless idiots like you couldn’t pull of robbing a bank? Huh?’’ he started. His voice was dead serious.

If no one answered, boom someone would get shot. If someone did but didn’t give him a real good fucking explanation, boom, brains splattered everywhere. A goon sitting across from me, cleared his throat and looked up at the boss. ‘’Yes, you! Goat head, please do go ahead.’’ Mister J walked closer. Shit, I really liked that dude. ‘’It wouldn’t have gotten that fucked, if the batman hadn’t showed up and screwed us over, boss.’’ He said. Wrong answer. ‘’BATMAN! Our good old friend batman yes. He did make a rather surprising visit. However.’’ He loaded his gun. ‘’If you hadn’t been so fucking slow, you would’ve taken down batsy before he had time to sway his little cape. He lifted the gun and the man closed his eyes, waiting for the boss to, how do you say? Blow his brains out.

Instead, he moved his arm in my direction and shot the goon sitting next to me. He fell to the ground, face first and I gasped. ‘’Missed.’’ He said with a deadly grin on his face. ‘’Anyone else?’’ he shouted and waved the gun around the room. ‘’Noo?’’ The room remained completely silent. ‘’Well. In that case.’’ He raised his gun and shot the goon sitting on my left side. I flinched and choked back my tears. He knew. All of a sudden, mister J gasped dramatically and placed his palm on his heart. ‘’Harls! I didn’t see you over there.’’ He began walking towards me.

‘’EVERYBODY OUT.’’ Mister J screamed at the top of his lungs. Everybody got up and ran with their heads down towards the closest exit, terrified for their lives. ‘’Pumpkin, sweet cheeks, light of my life, guard of my doors.’’ He singsang and stopped in front of me. ‘’Tell me, doll. How exactly did the Batman get in on your watch?’’ he placed the cold gun on my chin and used it to force me to look up at him. ‘’I¨-I’m sorry, Mister J’’ ‘’I’m sorry what was that? I couldn’t quite hear you, angel face.’’

His voice was considerably lower now. ‘’I looked away.’’ I admitted shamefully. ‘’But only for a second Mister J, I swear! Batsy must have been waiting for me to turn away so that he coul-.’’ Mister J put his finger on my lips and silenced me. ‘’Why did you turn away?’’ he demanded in a growl. ‘’I-uh, I was just checking up on ya puddin.’’ I smiled at him and tried to look as innocent as possible.

Mister J raised his hand and used the force of his entire arm to slap me across the face. I fell to the ground with a loud thud and lost the feeling in my face. My cheek was pounding and bruised like a schoolgirl’s knee. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled my body up the stairs and through five rooms. My eyes were running like a waterfall as I dug my nails into the floorboards, cracking the ends and splitting my fingertips open. Oh no. He dragged me into his ‘’special room.’’

‘’Get up.’’ He spat at me and kicked me in the stomach. I groaned in pain and curled up into a little ball. ‘’Come ooon, don’t be weak! I’ve taught you better cupcake, GET UP.’’ He started shouting. I used the little strength I had left to pull myself up and dizzily tried to balance myself on my heavy feet. ‘’What do you say, we throw this little lady onto the table?’’ he chuckled, grabbed my neck and pushed me down on my back. He used the leather straps of the old hospital chair he’d stolen from a hospital he blew up and tied them around my wrists.

I winced in pain as I felt them dig into my thin skin. He picked up a knife and started poking my exposed skin with it, careful not to puncture it. ‘’Daddy has to punish you for being such a careless little girl. You understand that, don’t you dollface?’’ he shook his finger at me. Before I had the time to answer, he pressed the blade down on my stomach. I screamed in pain as he cut a straight, short line over my lower abdomen. Blood started dripping down the sides of my stomach.

I laid there, my face full of pain, my cheek swollen and my eyes pursed together with tears streaming down my flushed cheeks. ‘’Aaawe. Why so glum, my plum?’’ he laughed and dragged the knife across my skin, up my stomach, over my chest and rested it on my lips. ‘’Taste yourself.’’ I whimpered and shook my head. He cut my lower lip and tsked me. The blood from the fresh cut, ran through my cracked lips and onto my tongue. ‘’Theere we go.’’ He said with an amused grin. ‘’You like it when daddy plays with you?’’ he purred into my ear. I cried and nodded my head. ‘’Yes Mister J, anything for you.’’ I whimpered in pain.

Mister J seemed satisfied with his punishment as he grabbed my back and helped me onto my feet again. I could feel my skin pounding under my feet. ‘’Now, let’s get you cleaned up, beautiful.’’ He brushed my hair behind my ear and stroked my bruised cheek. Mister J cleaned up my wounds and washed off all the blood before he carried me to bed. ‘’Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.’’ he said as he kissed my bloody lips.

I knew it wouldn’t always be like this. It was my fault, I messed it all up. And if I hadn’t been such a geek, this could’ve been avoided. Gee Harley, you really did it this time. I mean don’t get me wrong, my puddin’s a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really.

I Have My Ways

Originally posted by i-lost-my-puddin

Pairing: Joker x Reader

Words: 715


“So, Mister J,” I look down at the file I recently receive to make sure I have the correct name. “You were turned in by Batman.” I look back up to confirm with him. He rolls his eyes only slightly, growling angrily as he fidgets in the straight jacket. “I take that as a yes.” I sigh with attitude. “It doesn’t say what he turned you in for.” I look at Mister J to explain himself.

He tilts his head sideways, staring at me with his cold eyes. I can’t help but feel somewhat of an attraction for him, even if he’s as insane as what he’s known for.

He opens his mouth slowly, “I’ll tell you what,” He stares deep into my eyes as he bares his teeth, “I’ll make a deal with you.” I nod once to keep going, as if I’m tranced by his tricks. “I’ll tell you my secrets if I get the same in return.” He waves his head back and forth, anxious to hear my answer.

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I’ll Show You Crazy Pt. 4

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3

Pairing: Joker x Reader

Words: 1,656

Warning: Smuuutt

vine credit: shut up ho (you gotta check this account out it’s amazing)

“So, Mister and Miss J,” Our new client says as he sits across from us, “Nice to finally meet you two famous criminals.”

J and I smirk with confidence. I play with my fingernails on my left hand, taking note that I need to repaint them later.

“Oh I’m sorry, Misses J.” Our client corrects himself after seeing my very sparkly ring.

“Miss J.” I correct, “It rolls off the tongue better.” I explain, using hand gestures to add emphasis.

I lean on the bar counter with puppy dog eyes. “Whiskey, please.” I adjust my all diamond necklace J and I stole the other night as I wait.

“I got it.” The client from earlier pulls out his wallet as he sits next to me. I turn to him with a judging look as I get my drink. He places a $5 bill on the counter for the bartender. “What? Don’t accept mannered men?” He flirts at me.

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[This fic was requested by the lovely (and patient) @melaninharleyquinn I hope you all enjoy. You all continue to motivate me with your love and support. Xoxo, Doc]

I sat beside Mister J, idly drawing patterns on his thigh while he spoke to Wattz Corden. I had personally lost interest in the conversation the moment Wattz-y decided to cut me out of it. I don’t know whether it was because he found my opinions irrelevant, he was a misogynist, or he was scared of me, but colour me irritated. There was only so much boredom a girl can take, sure I love watchin’ my Puddin’ work but I didn’t like this putz one bit. He was the worst company and an even worse liar. 
“Don’t give us that shit,” I sighed, twirling my ring dagger around my finger.

Mister J tensed in irritation and Wattz-y turned his slightly amused/annoyed sunglass shielded eyes towards me. 
“I beg your Pardon, Miss J?” 
I glanced up from under my lashes and I couldn’t help but smirk. This guy, oh this guy, I wanted to play with this guy. 
“Y/N,” Mister J said lightly, but I knew that tone.
He only said my name but that tone said Keep talkin’ sweet cheeks, I dare you. A look like that would have shut me right up but I knew I was right, I knew this guy was a fucking snake, sure he was a criminal and criminals are snakes, but he was bein’ a snake with us. You don’t mess with me and my Puddin’ unless you got a death wish, you don’t betray us unless you wanna know what pain actually is.
“I’m sorry, what I meant was you’re a piece of shit,” 
I rose to my feet walking over to him and I sat down in his lap stroking his cheek, I didn’t need him to take off his glasses to know he was scared. 
“Y/N, you got a mouth on you tonight, doll,” Mister J growled, but I was focused on Wattz. 
“You’re lying about the money, aren’t ya Wattz-y baby? You don’t have our money, do ya?” I asked with a mock-pout, tracing his lower lip with the tip of my dagger.
“Hey, what’s she goin’ on about, boss? I thought we were talkin busine-”
“Every time my Puddin’ mentioned the money your pinky finger twitched, every time he mentioned Lex, our rival and your supposed enemy you got a little louder,” I licked my lips, leaning forward and I pressed my blade down on his pinky finger drawing blood.
“And dare I say, honey, I’m sure it’s not just because a beautiful woman is in your lap… but your heart is beating so fast and-”
Mister J jerked me up by my upper arm and dragged me a few paces away and I hissed, yanking my arm from his grasp.
“What’s the big idea? He was just about t-”
“You’re gettin’ on my last nerve, Y/N,” he growled.
Me? Did you not just hear what I- Puddin’, come on, we don’t need this loser! Put a bullet in him and lets dance,” I ran a hand up his arm, cupping the back of his neck as I pressed myself against him. 
“Come on baby, I know you want to,” I whispered, my nose brushing his as I tugged his lower lip with my teeth.
He pulled away from me and I glared at him half hurt and half furious, “No, I don’t. You’re bugging me-”
“But I’m right!” I closed my mouth, glancing down and off to the side when he gave me a look, it was a look I never liked when it was directed at me. 
“Go play or somethin’ doll, daddy’s got work to do,” he began to walk away but anger burned within me. 
“What? You don’t want me anymore? Fine, I won’t waste my time with you then,” I grumbled, shoving my way through the crowd.

***Mister J’s P.O.V

Y/N had only confirmed what I had already been suspicious of but I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of admitting it to her face. I had had Frost tracking Wattz’s movements for weeks and tonight I had planned on showing… a little mercy. He would give me the money he owed and I would bring him to the edge of death giving him barely enough time to get to a hospital. See, I could have a good side. 
But now I was angry. I was angry at Y/N for being right, I was angry at this guy for being an idiot, I was mad at Y/N for walking away from me even though I knew she never truly would. All this feeling was really getting on my nerves, I just wanted to- for a moment I lost my train of thought when I saw her. She was in the middle of the dance floor her dark skin glowing under the gold and blue strobe lights as she swayed her hips and began to dance with one of Wattz’s henchmen who obviously didn’t know any better. That’s not what I meant by play baby. Snapping out of it, my desire to kill someone only grew. 

***Y/N P.O.V

I dragged the sack of testosterone into one of the far corners by his tie. I wasn’t really into him, in fact I hated him. He had a reputation for getting a little hands-y with the women in his bosses employ and word travels around to us women in power.
“You havin’ a good time, handsome?” I whispered in his ear, giggling when I saw his eyes darken with desire.
From over his shoulder I could see Mister J, I could see him standing as he watched me. In spite of the distance I could see his chest rising and falling at a quick and heavy pace. I smiled at Mister J before turning back to… whatever he said his name was. I knew that… this guy was wasn’t going to be walking out of here after this but frankly I didn’t give a shit. I also knew, Mister J didn’t like it when I got all sweet on other men no matter the reason. 
“You wanna kiss me, baby? Come on, I know you do,” I whispered, trailing my hand slowly down his chest. 
The light bulb went off in his head and he paused, “No, no, its been fun but you’re J’s girl,” 
I leaned in and grazed his earlobe with my tongue, “Honey, just for tonight I can be whoever you want me to be,” I purred, grinning like the cat who ate the canary when he shoved me against the wall and spread my legs with a knee as he kissed me. 
It was extremely underwhelming, sloppy, and wet. I reached for my ring daggers having had enough of his nonsense when he pulled back, a gurgled and choked scream escaping him as he held his wrist and looked down at his severed hand in shock. He screamed even louder and I laughed, watching as my Puddin’ cut out the mans tongue and stuck him like a voodoo doll until Mister Nobody was dead on the ground. People cleared out pretty quickly after that with the exception of Mister J’s and Wattz-y’s men. 
Mister J didn’t look at me, I simply stayed pressed to the wall panting with the exhilaration of it all and grinning because I knew he could never stop wanting me. I knew that he burned for me just as I burned for him. Even after he has had me and has barely left my body when we are in bed I want him again. God, my body is in a constant inferno with wanting him. 
“Now where was I? Ahh yes, anyone of Wattz’s men who wants to live should exit in an orderly fashion,” Mister J growled and Wattz stood up. 
“Mister J, if this is about Ray-”
So that was gutless’s name, got it. 
“Oh no, this is about stupidity, and it looks like times up,” Mister J pulled out his guns and opened fire. 
Sprinting and flipping out of the way of gunfire I threw one of my ring daggers watching as it embedded itself into a mans eye. I hissed when I felt a bullet grazed my thigh but I was already on the guy, flipping so my thighs clamped his head between them and I pulled my body up and swung it so we both fell and I brought a ring dagger down into his jugular three times for good measure. A hand fisted in my curls and I cut the woman’s Achilles tendon, hearing her scream as she collapsed beside me and I brought the dagger down to her chest.
Getting up I raised my dagger only to gasp as Mister J’s one hand found my throat while the other gripped my raised hand and he slammed me against the bar. 
“Did you have fun? Huh, doll? Come on, I know you did, say it, say it,” He snarled, and I smirked.
“I’m having fun now,” 
“Oh?” 
I giggled as he dragged me by the throat to the truck out in the alley as an easy escape from the cops, and tossed me in the back. He climbed in with me and slammed the doors. The back of the truck was dimly illuminated and I gasped when Mister J gripped me by the hair and forced me to look at him.
“You let him touch you hmm? Did you like it when he touched you? When he kissed those plump and sinful little lips of yours that belong to me?” He snarled and my confidence wavered slightly. 
“It got your attention didn’t it? It made you see Wattz and his crew for what-” 
He rolled his neck and banged his head against the side of the truck violently before he took my ring dagger from me. I felt it trail down my jaw and he gripped my hair harder, pulling my head up so he could whisper in my ear. 
“I already knew about Wattz doll, and you’ve made me very angry,” 
“So what? You gonna kill me Mister J?” I said huskily. 
“Oh, I’m not gonna kill ya. I’m just going to fuck you, really, really hard. You might be thinking I’m giving you a gift, but no Y/N. No. I am going to punish you for ever thinking you could do something like that to me,” his tone struck my heart with fear and desire. 
I cried out as he slammed me onto my stomach and ripped open the back of my dress. 
“What does this say, hmm?” He growled, and I heard his belt hit the doors of the truck as he tossed it aside. 
I didn’t reply, I was wet and shaking and when I felt him against my rear I gasped. 
What does it say, Y/N?” He hissed, and I squeaked as he entered me in one swift and hard movement.
“Property of The Joker,” I said in a gasping rush as he held me pinned and trailed the blade of my dagger across my tattoo. 
“I. Can’t. Hear. You.” 
“Property of The Joker!” I whimpered, trying to move against him but he wouldn’t let me.
“And what does that mean?”
I hissed as he rolled his hips in one slow and agonizing motion, “It means I’m yours, yours and no one else’s,” 
“That’s right,” 
He forced me onto my knees and yanked my head back with my hair, I felt his breath on my ear as he thrust into me once, twice, a third time. I felt the cold metal of the blade as it touched my throat and I moaned. 
“Are you enjoying yourself, Y/N?” Mister J purred, his tongue tracing the vein in my neck. 
“Y-Y-Yes Mister J,” I said breathlessly. 
“Good,” he shoved me away from him, exiting me, and I felt confused with the sudden departure. 
“No, please,” I gasped, turning to face him. 
“I told you, doll, this was punishment.” 
“For me?” I trailed my fingernail gently up his shaft, “Or for you?” 
I laughed when I was suddenly on my back with his hand at my throat and his eyes screaming desire and bloody murder. 
“When we get home I’m going to fuck you like an animal and when you are about to cum I will stop and I won’t let you. You will beg, and you will squirm, but you will never have it just like no one else will ever have you,” he purred.
“I’m all yours baby,” Curling my hand around his shaft I grinned when he growled at me. 
“You’re a demon,” 
“And you’re the Devil,” I whispered, snapping my teeth at him. 
“Lets see if the Devil can find God between those legs of yours,” 
“You can try,”
“Oh baby, you won’t be walkin’ right for weeks once I am done punishing you,” he said with a laugh. 
I was regretting what I had gotten myself into, but my body, mind, soul, and heart burned for him and I wanted him too badly to care. 
“Come on Puddin’, do it!”
I didn’t have to ask twice. 

[That’s all folks! As always thank you for your support. Please feel free to send me requests anytime (even if it is a continuation request) I hope you all enjoyed it! Also, I am sorry I leave you guys handing a lot just when it is getting hot and heavy…. kind of…. not really… maybe a little bit ;p Xoxo, Doc]

I’ll Show You Crazy Pt. 1

Pairing: Joker x Reader

Words: 1,618

Warning: Violence


I wake up in an over the top, luxurious bed with a killer headache. I groan in pain as I sit up in the bed. With my feet dangling off the side of the bed, it feels like the world is spinning and I don’t like it. I get to my bare feet slowly, unsure of where my heels went. I take a good look in the large mirror as I pass by it. I look terrible, my little black dress is torn, my eye makeup is down to my cheeks, and I have this terrible stinging on the back of my left arm. I turn my body around slowly to see what’s causing the sting. It’s a tattoo:  Property of Mister J. My eyes widen, realizing who Mister J is. The King of Gotham, the killer of all.

 I take a look around the large room. I turn around to face an all-marble dresser to see clothes laid out nicely, for what I’m assuming is for me. I’m barely wearing anything, a pink push-up bra with a silver unzippable jacket and black, polyester shorts that hardly cover my butt with silver and pink heels. I can’t deny, I look good in this outfit.

I walk in the attached bathroom to wash off my makeup and get this horrible taste out of my mouth. I search the drawers searching for at least mascara. In the top right hand drawer, there are all kinds of over priced makeup in it. I smile at myself, knowing I’m going to have fun. I quickly put on the dark eyeliner and mascara, and brush my teeth with a random toothbrush before sneaking out of whoever’s house I’m in.

I tip toe my way out of the bedroom, but these heels and hardwood floor aren’t helping. I decide to take them off and carry them instead. I reach the living room, and stop in my tracks. It’s Mister J.

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