hello there, this is a story of how I lost my best friend, my everything. well, was my everything. I’ve been really depressed lately and almost every single sad song I listen to, will remind me of him and I started having breakdowns and would just cry to sleep. I wouldn’t even eat anymore. besides, eating was my all time favourite hobby…. but hey isn’t that how you’re suppose to feel and react whenever you lose somebody important to you or who has made a great impact on you or whenever you feel at your lowest? anyways, we both stopped talking to each other a few days after his birthday which was on the 15 of april. truthfully speaking, I was the one who ignored him in the first place which I am obviously not proud of. I swear to god. I know perfectly that I was the one to blame. nevertheless, I miss him a lot… here’s a little dedication to him after knowing that great fella for 3 years.
he was the one out of 3 billion people who without a doubt cared for me like a brother I never had. I’m probably exaggerating about the 3 billion people part but that is how he made me feel ; wanted, reassuring that I had somebody to talk to, that I had somebody who I could turn to and I somebody who will always be there for me but I just lost him in a blink of an eye. he is a friendly korean kid. he practically knows ALL the problems that I was facing. It was easy for me to let out all my bullshit to him because I was comfortable and I know I can trust him. he basically knows everything about me. he even knows which word I can barely pronounce. how embarrassing it that? he is sincere. he respects girls, definitely not boys. I can bet on that. he knows I like being alone from time to time. he knows I’m insecure. he was the very first boy who ever heard me cry. he is the only boy that I can pig out with. I’ll miss the times where he asked me whether if I was okay, that question was literally being asked at a daily basis…. it became annoying…. but I’ve learnt to appreciate it bc it showed how much he really cared. he was not the type that took no for an answer. he wouldn’t want me to go to sleep sad. if so, he would seldom call or oovoo me whenever he has the chance to before he goes to sleep. and its true…….. he can sometimes be annoying, mischievous, playful, hated by others (but not me), > INTIMIDATING BC HE IS VERY INTELLIGENT < etc. he likes to swim at night. he’s one person I can never ever hate. not forgetting, this is so damn stereotype but he never fails to make me laugh even though I laugh at almost everything. he would stand up for me. he use to always amaze me with his factual facts during history class or any other class which was fucking mind blowing. he is very active in football & xbox. there are 3 very important things to that him besides his family and his crazy affection for dogs that he would always put first aka his top 3 priorities at the time and they were 1. best friends 2. studies 3. soccer/xbox. OH and he likes his hair to be fluffy like a lion. he made loads of sacrifices for me and he will always say things to not make me feel like a burden which I loved about him. another amazeballs equally about him was HE WAS VERY LOYAL. well……. used to be. he wasn’t the best at comforting. we liked similar music genre. he knows how in love I am with ed sheeran. he use to sit next to me whenever there was an empty seat in class. he would speak in funny accents to make the whole class laugh whenever the teacher tells him to read aloud. he has doutzen kroes ( one of the my favourite vs model ) legs! I swear upon my life. he wasn’t the best at everything but he was enough for me. if you think this is all i know about him, youre wrong because I’m just getting started.
we were best friends, just best friends nothing more than that. we both hated each other’s guts when we first met. it was literally like hate at first sight. im not kidding. we use to talk about the future, where we will end up, how he would visit me and it’s crazy how we’re only 14 and 15. we accept each others flaws. I never took a picture with before. I never got to give him his birthday present. I was never good in my studies because I have the concentration span of a goldfish. which means I have to work extra hard. before, we stopped talking to each other… I failed 2 of my subjects ( living from where I am. EDUCATION is bloody important ). this was self-evident that I did not study hard enough….. I wasn’t good enough…. I said things that will further disappoint myself. I started to believe I was an utter failure. fortunately for me, harry motivated me by sending me quotes etc. however, I didn’t want him to teach me even though he offered because its is damn intimidating. it was like sitting with albert einstein. we said we would do tons of things together such as visit rome but that’s never going to happen now.
people say if you ignore somebody it either tells them that you don’t want to have anything to do with them or you’re just being an attention seeker or you’re just basically pissed off. but in my case I was pretty pissed by the fact that he was neglecting me and his best friends for his crush and I felt like he did not need me in his life anymore, he was acting like i was completely invisible. I was tired of always be the one to make a god damn effort to talk to him, I never told him how left out I felt because I did not want him to lose his crush for a best friend nor did I want to ruin it for him with his crush. I mean yeah, I should have told him how I felt instead of ignoring him but it was difficult. I didn’t want him to be in a situation where he has to choose between us. so, I took liberty on walking out on him. I wanted the best for him. assuming that I’ll be fine without him, I am absolutely wrong.
considering he had a massive massive massive crush on this girl for about a year and a half now and he talks about her like she puts all the stars in the sky. which I honestly enjoy listening because it makes him happy plus, I’ve never seen a guy so genuine about a girl before but sometimes he gets a little carried away and it gets kind of annoying in a selfish way but fortunately he knows when to stop and continue talking about her….. I couldn’t help but just be supportive. besides, I wouldn’t complain anything about her because she’s one of my good friends too. moreover, she and I had sleepovers, hilarious chick flick movies and gossip sessions together. all in all, she is a brilliant friend.
so, on the same day that I ignored him. I blocked him on whatsapp however when i was walking to school he dm me on twitter wishing me a safe trip to school and I didn’t reply and little did I know it was the biggest mistake of my life.. I simply just chippered to myself and had thoughts on why do you still talk to me. all you can ever do to me was neglect?
I would never say that girl he loved was a threat or replacement or anything bad. but I could start to see that he was slowly leaving me at the same time, it was heart-breaking to have thoughts about him leaving me and all sorts of bullshit.
upon entering the classroom, I couldn’t even look at him…. the entire day. I was just so upset with myself and I was at my lowest that day because it was just another stinkin day where he’ll treat me like crap…. I just know it and I turned out to be right… from then on we both went our separate ways.
even though it kills me to know that we are barely talking but from time to time I’ll still make an effort to care and think of obvious questions and statements to ask him face to face such as…. how was chemistry? good luck for maths! he would either give me a 1 word sentence or a effortless nod and the best one was he replied a ‘thank you’ which was good enough for me.
knowing but not wanting to accept the fact that I’ve already lost him, he’s long gone, he’s not going to be there for me ever again and I’m not going be there for him. I really don’t what to give up on our friendship..
now, at this every moment deep down I am happy for him because he’s hanging out with better people who treats him the way deserves to be treated. one of those people is his crush…. and I couldn’t be more prouder of him because at first he was quite shy around her so apparently believe it or not I was his super helpful wigman and I told him secrets and advice to get the girl of his dreams. I could always see through all his little actions that he was madly in love with her. and now, he’s finally making progress by sending her home, eating lunch with her after school etc. I couldn’t be more supportive. and one of the strong points about him was that even though he got rejected a few times he never gave up, he was committed to her for 1 and a half years, he had thoughts about giving but I kept reminding that he has gotten this far and shouldn’t give up on her. I just wish he didn’t treat his best friend like crap before this all happened and I pray that he would never put his crush on the same level as his best friends.
I think the reason why losing him was so much more painful compared to any normal come and go friends was because I would have flashback of all the incredible and crazy memories we had together that will be etched in my mind forever. fun fact : he was my very first best guy friend I ever had and the longest one too. sometimes, not having him by my side makes me feel that…. maybe I just wasn’t meant to have friends. It’s going to be hard forgetting someone who had given you so much to remember. everybody now, keeps telling me ,,,, it’ll be alright… we’ll became friends again…. don’t worry…. but nobody actually genuinely gives a fuck.
In 10 years time if anybody comes up to you and ask, is there anybody you regret leaving? ans: I would answer harry and a another person.
what you would do differently if I had a second chance to be his friend again? ans: I would put him first. I know I can’t magically be his best friend again because I have to earn it. I would tell him how I really feel instead of keeping it from him and ignoring him. also, I discovered that ignoring somebody can sometimes lead to depression or suicide because the emptiness and loneliness can negatively impact a person so greatly. truthfully, that’s how I’m feeling at this very moment.
do you miss harry? ans: a lot
have you ever cried over harry? ans: yes
If you could write a paragraph to harry what will it be? ans:
dear best friend,
I miss you more and more daily. I wish you could see yourself the I see you, happy and cheerful because you finally got one less person to worry about. I wish you could love yourself the way I love you. and above all, I wish your life is everything you deserve. losing you was the last thing that I ever wanted to happen. goodbye old friend. I’m so sorry I had to break our promise after 3 years and that promise will forever remain a mystery. to be honest, we both took each other for granted. I’m not expecting you to come back to me. I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I think it’s best for us to remain this way. I mean yeah, it’ll obviously hurt but you’re way happier.
In conclusion, we should learn to appreciate the people who are here for us now before it’s too late. apart from that, we should never ignore the ones you love because you’ll never believe the outcome. to top it all off, we should never have the mindset where you think speaking to a particular person is a god damn chore, you might as well not talk to them.
written by mel