“This is different”
Note: I wrote this after not sleeping for over 24 hours and spending the day at Comic con so it sucks and if I missed something or if there’s any mistakes forgive me, I forgot that I still had it in my drafts so I’m posting it. A short lil pregnant reader being worrisome and hux being the usual dickwad he is ayyayayya
Taking one last step, you looked behind Kylo at his shuttle, the tips of the wings pointing towards the sky. He turned to face you, your hand locked with his. Everything became real, that he was leaving, and your heart dropped.
“I love you.” He said, his voice thick, tinted with emotion. However, you just shook your head and batted your eyes up at him, your husband’s hair falling in front of his face, whipping in the wind. Then, furrowing your eyebrows, you knotted your fingers into the fabric of his top, tugging softly. He looked down at you with a gentle expression, leaning down, brushing his thumb over your jawline and pointing your face towards his, holding it with his large hand. He didn’t say anything.
He already knew what you were thinking.
“I thought I told you not to do that…” You protested his advances into your head, using the force to retract your thoughts.
“The key word there,” Kylo remarked, cocking an eyebrow. You couldn’t help the slight chuckle that formed on your lips, but it soon diminished the more you thought about what would happen if he didn’t come back. His missions always involved danger, fleets of stormtroopers following his shuttle wherever he went. Battles commencing, negotiations going wrong. The Knights of Ren taking through with massacres. You hated the thought of losing him, especially when your family was growing.
“I’m being serious.”
“Look at me.” Kylo’s words dripped from his tongue like dark chocolate, the heaviness in his tone making you sense that there was more that he was letting on to, however, you didn’t hint at it but allowed your eyes to lock with his. “I’m not going to make you say it.”
“What, goodbye?” You found yourself on the brink of crying, tears prickling in your eyes as your bottom lip quivered. When you pushed out the last of your sentence, your words stuttered and jumbled over each other in a fit of anger, and in fear, but Kylo just shook his head and clenched his jaw. Rubbing you softly on the arms then pulling you into a tight hug. Breathing in the sweet smell of your perfume, or that of your shampoo.
“I have to do this… You know that.” Kylo sighed, heading towards the front of the room but keeping his hand on you. Knowing that you were rash, incompetent to even the strongest of Hux’s orders, you wiped away the tears that had escaped, moving them back to the front of the room.
“Yeah… Yeah, I know the spiel. But why.” You grazed your fingers over your belly, feeling the hint of a surfacing bulge, showing the baby’s growth. You tried to calm your worry, about Kylo leaving. Being gone for weeks, a month at a time. Kylo turned around, shaking his head, and kneeling in front of you. Pressing his ear just below your breasts, you buried your fingers into his thick black hair, closing your eyes. Your heart beat quick at his presence. “I don’t want-”
“I’m going to be here… You’re not even through your first term. Baby, you’ve got to stop worrying.”
“What if you don’t make it? What if something happens?” Urging the truth, you hated it how Kylo didn’t even take the time to acknowledge it, passing it over his head like just another fact, like the fact that Hux knew you were pregnant, but he still elected Kylo to take the Knights and go to one of the most feral planets in the outer rim.
“This is different.” Kylo’s voice abruptly became stern, forcing you back a step, with your mouth slightly agape. It took you a second to clench your jaw, glancing down at your feet as he immediately softened, reaching towards you, wrapping his arm around your waist and bringing his other hand to graze your cheek. You leaned into his touch, wishing that the shuttle wouldn’t open the doors, that you wouldn’t be forced to watch him move up those ramps. “Everything is going to be fine, no fighting.”
“You say that every time you go on a mission!” Exclaiming, you rubbed your face, keeping your eyes closed but your ears keen.
Hoping that it would change your perspective on him, Ben pushed the memories of him looking at you for the first few times into your consciousness, how he had reached down to you during a training session and helped you out of the pit when you were struggling, the shock wave that moved through his body at their touch so powerful that just thinking about it made a wave of goosebumps pass over him. “Just remember the first time we met.”
“I want to remember you when you hold our daughter for the first time. So come. Back.” Your voice wavered, something you hated that happened when you couldn’t control yourself. Especially after finding out that you were pregnant, it seemed that everything struck you to the heart, making it hard for you to work for the Order, and hard for Hux to stand either one of you. Kylo would constantly check in with you and make sure you were okay, not allowing you to do anything he felt may tire you or stress you. Most of the time, you had to go take naps in your guys’ room, and sometimes Kylo would join you. He loved how much you were growing, the bulge in your belly showing through your shirt in the last week.
Kylo bit his lip and then nodded. Holding your face in his hands as he bent down and kissed you. The relief of feeling him, tasting his lips washed over you, and you felt the warmth of your tears falling down your cheeks. Kylo felt them too and kissed you harder. Wiping your wet cheeks with his hands before pulling away, the kiss lingering for a second before he turned away, heading towards the ramp into his shuttle.
Watching him stride into the developing shadows, you breathed out. Pressing your hands against your stomach with your heartbeat racing, your chest aching and worry racing through your mind. You could hear his voice and knew that as long as you could feel his energy reaching out to you, and you could feel your child’s energy tied with his, that he would come back to you, and it would be different.