missdessa

A Moment in Time...

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Via - Etsy

A lot of things play into my emotional state these days. Most days are great, others…not so great. There’s a great sense of pressure that is on my shoulders, not to mention the extra tons I put on myself…by myself. Yesterday was a not so great day. No matter what I accomplished, I still felt stressed & anxious. It wouldn’t go away, and I couldn’t figure out why. It was midnight, and here comes the late night mind banter. I turned the television on so that I would try to distract myself….but it didn’t work. I walked over to my brothers room and sat on his bed. He was playing on his phone like he usually does, but he could sense something was wrong with me. I started talking to him, and within seconds, tears started to fall. He put his phone down and started to talk to me about what all is bothering me…

It’s funny how one thing can bother you, and you think that’s the only thing thats really bothering you…when in reality, its a lot of other things that stem from that one thing. I realized last night that my anxiety & stress is coming from my deadline of February, and the pressure to have everything perfect and done. This is unrealistic. I only decided late December that I was going to launch my collection. That gives me about a month to design, develop, sample, photograph, market and begin to sell. That my friend, is very unrealistic no matter how small the collection will be. The problem was that I said I would, I announced it to the world… and I was putting extreme pressure to execute it. What my brother explained to me was… just because you “said it” doesn’t mean you have to compromise your end result to make something happen in an unrealistic time frame. This would be exactly what would happen, and the perfectionist in me has been bothered and anxious because I knew this. I didn’t want to just put something out there for the sake of putting something out there. I have always been precise in the moves I make and the logistics behind it, so why stop now. Well that would be because of money. I’ve been living on my own, paying my own bills since I graduated from college. I am not used to not making money, let alone someone taking care of me, and my bills. I am so thankful for my babylove & parents who are allowing me to not work to pursue my dreams. That doesn’t stop the guilt or pressure of having to “make it” or generate some cash asap. The thing is, my brother was right…in the aspect that I have to look at the bigger picture. I have the opportunity now, and even though it may take time to generate cash and “make it”… I can’t just half heartedly put something out and hope it sticks. It has to be done right, and I can’t lose focus with the money factor, guilt, or anything else for that matter.  It was a moment in time where I felt uneasy & anxious…that turned into a moment of clarity. Instead of prematurely launching F/W 2012 in Feb, I will wait to launch S/S 2013 in Oct. I immediately felt a ton of weight lifted off my shoulders, and a sense of relief. It’s funny how just one conversation, with one individual can have such an impact on your life…and in this case, such a great impact. I am so fortunate to have the family that I do & my amazing brother. 2 hours later…I figured it out, and it was all thanks to him! I went to sleep peaceful, and woke up feeling the same….