miss. trunchbull

Miss Trunchbull's Rant of Epic Proportions
Bertie Carvel

MISS TRUNCHBULL: How dare you? You are not fit to be at this school, madam. You are to be in prison! In the deepest, dankest, darkest prison! I shall have you wheeled out, strapped to a trolley with a muzzle over your mouth. I shall crush you, I shall pound you, I shall dissect you, madam! I shall strap you to a table and perform experiments on you! I shall feed you to the termites and then I shall smash the termites into tiny fragments and then I shall grind the tiny fragments into dust. And I shall take that dust and feed it to the bloodworms and the bloodworms I shall feed to birds and the birds I shall release into the air and then shoot them down with my twelve-bore shotgun and so on and so on! Ad infinitum, madam! Ad infinitum!

Your father is a crook and so are you. Last night I was driving home in that monstrosity he sold me and the engine fell out! What do you say to that? You can say nothing and there is nothing you can say because you are genetically predisposed to evil and you must be destroyed before you can be allowed to grow one centimetre taller than you currently are, do you hear? Vomit, puke, snotstain, are you listening?! All of these disgusting little slugs shall suffer the most appalling indignities because of you…yes, you! I shall rip the rebellion out of this class and devour it whole. I shall hang each and every one of you upside down by your ankles until all of your bodily liquids drain out through your noses and into jars! Yes, jars! Which I will then send to your parents with your school reports upon which I shall write: “COULD DO BETTER”!

Miss Honey has allowed her weakness and filth to permeate through this miserable collection of excuses for children and you, madam, standing there before me like the squit of squits are its beating heart! You are the axis of evil! You are the nexus of necrosis! You are a rotting lump of pure wrong! You are the dark heart of all that is unholy in this land! A black hole of wrongheadedness from which no light, no strength, no discipline can escape! But I am a match for you, madam! In me, you have met the avenger! The spirit of all that is right and I tell you there is nothing I shall not do, no length to which I shall not go, no punishment I shall not inflict, no ear I shall not stretch, no fingers I shall not snap back to defeat you! Yes, I defeat you in exultation, do you hear?! Are you listening? Are you listening, madam?!

I get such a kick from hearing Bertie going on like this as Miss Trunchbull. Brilliant.

rewatching Matilda

tonight I’m rewatching one of my favorite and most important childhood movies. thoughts:

  • first line from the narrator that gives me serious feels: “These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: you are not alone.”
  • the terrible father really pushes all my buttons. “Are you in this family? …What is this trash you’re reading?” and I didn’t realize when I first saw it why he said, “Moby what?” and called the book filth and started ripping it up, but his violence and rage were so disturbing
  • really chilling how the first introduction of Miss Trunchbull as principal focuses on all the leather: her riding crop, her half-glove, her belt buckle with teeth
  • omg, I forgot how adorable Lavender is
  • really love the moment Miss Honey first puts on her glasses to check Matilda’s math
  • awww, the way they have to hide everything colorful in their classroom for Miss Trunchbull’s visit
  • omg, one of my favorite memories was the class spelling DIFFICULTY, and for once Miss Trunchbull has a point: “Why are all these women MARRIED?”
  • such a pointed message to repeat, summing up why childhood is terrible: "I’m big, you’re small. I’m right, you’re wrong, and there’s nothing you can do about it"
  • Matilda is a witch, fyi
  • “Chew your food, you’re an animal!” is still a hilarious thing to yell at  your choking kid
  • Miss Trunchbull’s actor (Pam Ferris) does a pretty A+ job being repulsive and menacing, particularly with all the sniffing, and that one shot where her nostrils flare and she fogs up the window
  • ahhhh yes, that part where Matilda gaslights the hell out of her (no judgment)
  • HAHAHAHA, Magnus’ portrait swooping down from upstairs is truly spectacular (and really, Magnus?)
  • “I broke your arm once before, I can do it again, Jenny” HOLY SHIT the darkness level just shot way up, all the implied abuse was very light, almost a parody, before then
  • beating Miss Trunchbull with erasers until she passes out (falling like an oak tree) is still amazing
  • and then they defeat her with a food fight
  • awww, Matilda printing adoption papers since she was old enough to Xerox
  • “You’re the only daughter I ever had, Matilda. And I never understood you, not one little bit. …Who’s got a pen?”
  • and I still remember her terrible father using her as a clipboard to sign the adoption papers
  • “And as bad as things were before, that’s how good they became.” the trademark of an excellent story
  • that double-time bit of them moving all the furniture so they could roll around on the rug together, Miss Honey in playful and juvenile overalls…that really stuck in my mind too as something really remarkable
  • “And the happiest part of the story is that Matilda and Miss Honey both got what they always wanted: a loving family.” <3

Jennifer Blood’s Miss Honey is mad as hell and I like that

She’s like, “My trauma has made me unable to advocate for myself or my students in the way that I would like, and consequently I am going to spend the show simmering with barely repressed rage until I start literally yelling at Miss Trunchbull during the chalkboard scene”

she’s cowering and simultaneously pissed about cowering. This creates the effect of her really working with Matilda rather than being passively rescued. She was ready to give Aunt Agatha the boot and take over the school, she just needed the little push that a bit of telekinetic trickery would give her

Oh my fucking god.

I’m snuggled into my couch watching Matilda… and I’ve just fucking realised I’m attracted to Miss Trunchbull.

Yeah you read correctly.

Miss fucking Trunchbull.

youtube

“Matilda” - The Dance Place teen musical theater production, 1st place, Competitive Level, Showstopper West Coast Finals, Anaheim CA, July 2016
Matilda the Musical ~ Original Broadway Cast Recording, music and lyrics by Tim Minchin
♫ Miracle, School Song, Chokey Chant, The Smell of Rebellion, Chalk Writing, Revolting Children, When I Grow Up⁄Naughty Reprise
★ Choreography by Robert Duran, Cindy Popp, and Brooke Averi
☆ Dancers ☆ Jordan Cruz (as Matilda), Kerrigan Songer (as Miss Trunchbull), Emily Meyer, Brooke Ferrin, Alyssa Sanford, Reagan Long, Ava Reyes, Ava Peterson, Aspen Carney, Abby Green, Hailey George, Chloe Gonzalez, Leah Cantu, Lauren Moton, Kylee Long, Katie Cruz, Mia Sanford, Megan Kelley, Riley Fernandez, Shaliyah Divinagracia, Alana Alconaba, Harlie Martinez, Meredith Foley, Megan Moton, Kairi Alconaba, Holly Youpa, Tori Kostic, Lizzy Green, Kerrigan Songer, Lily Barrera, Marissa Ramirez, Tesa Indelicato

25 Days of MBTI: Day Two

Miss Honey from Matilda
INFP
by Rebecca
requested by @thatheatrechick

Introverted Feeling (Fi)
“And what sort of teacher would I be, if I let this little girl fall through the cracks I can see?”
Miss Honey is kind and quiet, but clearly has deep feelings about what she believes is right. She wants to do what makes her feel as if she is making the best choice, which is why she ends up becoming Matilda’s guardian and mentor. She knows that the way Miss Trunchbull treats the children is wrong, but because she feels she has little outer control (inferior Te) she doesn’t often push these ideals of hers outward. But when she does speak up, it is clear she always sticks to what she believes is best.

Extraverted Intuition (Ne)
“Perhaps I will wait. She’s probably having a meeting or something, and won’t want to be interrupted.”
Miss Honey knows there are better possibilities out there than what she and the kids at Crunchem Hall are experiencing. She dreams of having a better education for all of the children, and wants to the school become a better place. She also often finds herself worried about possibilities that might happen, causing her to end up fleeing from certain scenarios because she frets over whether they will turn out well or not.

Introverted Sensing (Si)
“This is my house! It isn’t much but it is enough.”
Miss Honey can find solace in past tradition and what has already be established. She doesn’t often try to change what has already been established, even though she can see different possibilities through her Ne. One of the best examples of how she can have something she feels comfortable in based on tradition is in “My House” when she talks about how her little house is just enough for her and she has settled herself into that style of life. She also often sticks do what the Trunchbull has set up at Crunchem Hall, even though she disagrees with it.

Extraverted Thinking (Te)
“This is not your problem. You’ve not got the spine.”
Miss Honey constantly struggles to make her mark on the world, always frightened to speak out and make a true and systematic change. She is often pushed around by the systems set up by others, namely Trunchbull. She constantly calls herself “pathetic,” believing herself fully unable to control anything except herself. She has a strong drive to make the change, but is not able to push herself far enough to actually be confrontational.