The Rihanna- Fuck’s up your ex’s car in broad
daylight and waits for him to come out so he knows it was her
The Nicki Minaj- Dresses you up in her
clothes with your titties and ass all out. Records videos of you in the club
dancing up on some dude, posts them to instagram and tags your ex in all of
The Beyoncé- Tells you to forget him and not worry about him. Then, coincidentally a week later his car gets repossessed, he loses his job, leg gets broken in three different places and he’s living back with his mama and can’t qualify for unemployment
The Naomi Campbell- Hooks you up with her man’s wealthy friend. Is always sure to let your ex know what your new man has bought you
The Viola Davis- Has a sit down with your ex and gives him a lecture of how disgusting of a person he is and she doesn’t let him get a word in. Tells him he owes you an apology and after that to never speak to you again or she will have more than words ready for him next time. Ends conversation with “are we clear?”
The Cardi B- Literally will kill him
The Lil Kim- Gets her brother and his friends to jump him
The Tiffany ‘New York’ Pollard- Shows up to his job,cusses him out and gets him fired. Will wait for him out in the parking lot to cuss him out some more
harry potter, aged 23, visiting teddy and andromeda for his normal weekly cup of tea and w/e, and andromeda is in the kitchen and teddy’s run upstairs to fetch harry the latest game he’s obsessed with, and harry notices a leatherbound photo album half-sticking out of the bookshelf in the living room that he’s never seen before, and sort of idly takes it down, and it’s full of photos of the malfoys
photos of narcissa: standing stiffly next to andromeda, the two of them not touching, looking very dubious, and teddy’s ruffled head in the bottom left corner of the picture as he tries uselessly to leap up and wave; sitting very still in a high-backed armchair looking quietly pleased and possessive with teddy six months old and asleep in the crook of her arm; frowning intensely as she pushes rune cards towards a blithely chattering 3 year old teddy.
but most of the photos are of draco. draco asleep on the sofa with teddy curled up and asleep on his chest – there are deep grey circles under draco’s eyes and he’s waxy pale with exhaustion even in sleep, and teddy can’t be more than a couple of months old. draco looking horrified and holding a squirming pudgy teddy at arms length as teddy gleefully spits up what looks like some of his first solids on draco’s crisp white shirt. draco reading a copy of the daily prophet with a 2001 date while teddy crawls up over his back and hangs off around draco’s neck and blows spitballs in his ear. draco and teddy posed solemnly in andromeda’s back garden, draco straddling a broom, teddy next to him and almost beside himself with excitement on the toy broom harry got him for his fourth birthday. draco and teddy playing exploding snap. draco walking in a park next to andromeda with a fast asleep four year old teddy scooped up easily in his arms, snoring on his shoulder. draco in dark jeans and a soft, worn thin looking t-shirt laughing up at the camera while teddy advances on him with hands covered in brightly coloured paint.
harry had no idea narcissa and andromeda were in touch, let alone draco. when he hears teddy thundering back downstairs, he quietly closes the book and replaces it in the cupboard. it doesn’t have to mean anything. he testified at both of the malfoys’ trials. he doesn’t care about them anymore. he’s not even angry.
only that monday at the ministry, when he’s heading for auror hq, draco malfoy wanders past in his buttoned up formal robes clasped tight around his neck, frowning and haughty as ever over a file, shooting harry a swift venomous look as is his habit, and harry’s heart suddenly kicks into high gear.