Teen Mom 2 Recap
Janelle - Our baby angel of drama is back! We pick up at Janelle’s court hearing for hitting Jessica with a mason jar. If that’s not the most southern, white-trash thing you’ve ever heard then I don’t know what is. Janelle’s court hearings are like prom for me. What’s everyone going to wear? Who’s going with who?
Janelle- A three-piece power suit with broad shoulders pads. This is tied together with white, classy heels.
David- A suit straight from the set of Saturday Night Fever. I’m assuming it’s fame-retardant.
Nathan- Nathan wears a sumo wrestler hair knot and sleeves for the first time in his life.
I feel a twinge of sadness because I think Nathan and Janelle are courtroom attire soulmates. I reflect back on the time when it was once Nathan rolling up Janelle’s pants and admiring last season’s heels from Marshalls.
The judge doesn’t understand the importance of this ridiculous drama and could care less. But I’m here hanging on every word. Janelle’s lawyer is dishing it out and I’m eating it all up. She asks Nathan if it’s true that he’s notorious for being a button pusher but his hair is so tight it affects his hearing and he repeats back “button pressure?” while looking confused. I missed you Nathan. But Janelle ups the ante. When asked to provide details of the events leading up to Mason Jar Gate, she tells everyone she was in the kitchen making water. Making water… GOD JANELLE, I LOVE YOU. Someone get me the fucking transcript to this hearing PLEASE!
Kail - Kail is filming Eat, Pray, Love 2 and forcing us all to watch her quarter-life crisis as she put it. I really don’t care about her and Javi’s relationship or the failure of it. They both have vague tweeted enough for me. To quote Javi’s friend Darius “Different day, same shit.”
Leah - Woof that car scene was really hard to watch. What is up with Leah and cars? Maybe she should start biking to avoid those melt downs. I actually felt pretty bad for her in that moment. I can understand why she was so stressed and how much it meant to her to prove she’s doing better. So hopefully this is a new Leah.
Chelsea - Adam, some how, is more of an entitled piece of shit than normal. He is an awful excuse for a person and I have no empathy for him. He’s boring and a fuck wad.
Aubree is beaming while trying on her dress for the wedding and I’m happy she manages to be such a sweet and happy girl despite having the worst father in history.