“We need you. I need you” “You have to choose, Castiel. Us, or them.” “Cas.”
Day 1 / Favorite Episode
8.17 Goodbye Stranger
I love this episode, purely because we get to see a conflicted Cas, who in the end, displays his true loyalty towards the Winchesters, especially Dean. We see Cas as angry, scared even, and I thought that Misha Collins portrayed that beautifully.
Your gentle, weekly reminder that you don’t have to have a storied cause or a specific reason for helping those around you, despite what some may have you think. Being kind can be as simple as remembering to hold the door for a stranger, or giving a hug.
A/N: I know Misha is married but for the purpose of this he’s divorced because, yeah, no way he would cheat on his wife. Just to make it clear, Misha, West and Maison are used in this just like characters, just like I would use Dean, Sam or Castiel on others. So if anyone is bothered you ’re free to not read it. This is just a story after all.
This is the last part. Hope you enjoyed the story as much as I did! xx’
You quickly made your way out of the house desperately needed to breath fresh air. Your heart was hammering in your chest and you felt as if your whole body was on fire. Your vision was blurry because of the tears but you did not see Vicki’s car next to yours which meant that she had already left. Not that you cared anymore. Your stomach felt so tight and heavy that you really thought you might had caught a cold.
You started taking in deep breaths, trying your best to calm down. The silence that had surrounded you was only being broken from your heavy breathing and-
“(Y/n)!” he exclaimed as soon as he saw you, but you really felt in no mood facing him so instead you turned and made your way to your car.
“No, (Y/n) no! Please wait! (Y/n), please!” his frantic voice could be heard coming all the more close to you until of course he caught up with you.
He took hold of your arm and spoon you around so that you were facing him, a look of, almost, horror washed over his face as he took in your condition.
Eyes red and tears never stopping to roll, cheeks flushed and lower lip slightly bleeding from the constant biting.
“Oh (Y/n)” he breathed out, quickly wrapping his arms around you.
“Oh no, no (Y/n). P-Please, don’t” Misha’s voice trembled as he spoke to you.
Your face was buried in his chest, your whole body shaking with sobs and tears streaming down your face even though you wanted them to stop. You bit your trembling lip so hard that you could draw blood. Your hands were shaking and your fists were clenched tightly, holding onto Misha’s shirt as if you were clinging to him for life. You did not know what had come over you but you really did not have the emotional strength to even think about it.
Hell, you didn’t even have the physical strength to stand. You felt your knees shaking and soon give away. If it wasn’t for Misha’s strong grip on you, you would surely have fallen.
“Come” he whispered, voice more husky than always “Come inside. It’s cold here” he added and supporting you, he helped you walk. And slowly but surely you got inside the house.
You let out a shaky breath as he slowly let go of you, after making sure you were siting comfortably on the couch of course. Your face was completely red and your cheeks burning hot. You brushed a few tears with your hand and only looked down at your hands, some occasional sobs escaping your throat. The few times you tried taking in a breath it always felt as if you couldn’t actually breath.
More tears had started to run now down your cheeks and you clenched your fists and teeth to hold them back, in vain anyway.
You felt a hand on your cheek and you immediately moved away, flinching at the contact of almost cold skin with your burning one.
“Don’t touch me” you mumbled but it came out a little more harshly than you intended.
Misha’s eyes widened and he quickly withdrew his hand, averting his glistening-with-tears eyes from yours.
“I-I’m sorry” he mumbled, running a hand down his face.
“No” you said in a trembling voice “No, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean it like that, Misha. I’m sorry. It’s just- Oh God, this is awful” you ended up muttering to yourself, and buried your face in your hands.
“(Y/n)” he let out a breath “We need to talk”
“Talk about what Misha?! About what just happened? About what was about to happen? What about?” you exclaimed and got up from the couch, turning your back to him.
“Yes, yes about all of that” he said firmly and you shook your head.
“You don’t understand. You just don’t” you muttered.
“No (Y/n), you don’t understand. Damn it, I though- I though you felt the same way, too, (Y/n). What the hell has changed now?!” his word made your head snap to his direction.
“Everything Misha!” you all-but-shouted but then remembered to lower your voice tone because the kids were sleeping “Everything, damn it!”
You ran a hand through your hair “She called me mom Misha! Maison said her first word today! It was mom but it was not directed towards Vicki, even though she was standing right next to her. It was directed towards me! Me, Misha! She called me mom! And so did West! You heard it yourself. You were there! They both consider me their mother but I’m not Misha. I’m not! And I don’t have that right! Vicki- Vicki says I do but I just don’t, Misha. She is their mother and I am not. Nor will I ever get to be close to that title. And it’s not their fault. They’ve got all mixed signals. Seeing me here almost every day, especially when they are here, being so close to you, me doing all of the things Vicki did for them when you were still married confuses them but- But damn it Misha! I’m not Vicki! I’m not their mother and sure as hell will never be because you and I are just friends!” you said clenching your fists and gritting your teeth to keep the tears in. Impossible.
“It is wrong Misha. So wrong. We are just friends! Nothing has ever happened and nothing will ever happen” you muttered shaking your head.
Silence followed for a while and the only thing that could be heard was your deep breaths, until of course Misha decided to break.
“And how do you know that?” he said firmly and you slowly looked at him.
“What?” you breathed out.
“How do you know that nothing will ever happen between us. I mean yeah, sure it won’t if you keep pushing me away but- I can see clearly that I am not the only one that felt something. I am not the only one that felt something up there when we were together watching Maison, (Y/n). And you damn well know it’s true. You keep saying that we are just friends because you don’t want me to know how you feel but I do know, (Y/n)! I know! And you’re not the only one that feels that way…” he ended up mumbling.
“I-” you couldn’t form any words, your heart was hammering in your chest and your eyes were wide. “What are you so afraid of? Of ruining our friendship? Of getting hurt? Of me getting hurt? Of the children being affected by it? What?” he looked at you with such a desperate look in his eyes that you honestly could not stop yourself from whimpering, as a few stray tears ran down your cheeks.
“Yes. Of all of that. I am scared Misha because I know that this is not what you want. Not what you really want. Maybe it is what your children want but not you. We are just friends Misha. Nothing more” you muttered looking down at your feet.
“Stop saying it damn it! I know it (Y/n). I know pretty well that we are friends just like I know for how long I’ve wanted us to be more!” his desperate words made you look up at him “So stop-” he let out a breath “-Stop saying that you know what I really want because you clearly don’t.”
“So-” he swallowed the lump in his throat “-if even in the least bit you feel the same way then-” he forced a smile “-know that I am willing to wait and that you can take all the time you need but- but if-” you took in a breath “-if you don’t then, that’s acceptable. I was wrong to think that something could happen between us and- and don’t worry everything is going to be like before. I- We could still stay friends, even though I might have just ruined everything.” he mumbled and you could swear you felt your heart stop at hearing his words and especially him ‘taking the blame’ for ruining your friendship.
“Misha” your voice stopped him on his tracks just as he had turned to leave the living room. He turned to look at you and bit his lip.
“You asked me what I was most afraid of. And- it’s not just our friendship being ruined or anything else. It’s just- It’s just that I am scared of what I will be capable of doing when I love you this much. Loving you- loving you so much scares me Misha and I- I-” you trailed off, letting out a shaky breath not really knowing what more to say.
You kept your eyes to the ground, not knowing what to say anymore. You heard heavy footsteps make their way towards you and soon enough there was a figure standing in front of you. He slowly tilted your head up so that you were looking straight in his eyes. He cupped your cheek and brushed his thumb over it, a small smile was on both your faces.
He rested his forehead against yours and took in a deep inhale “I’m scared, too. I’m really scared that if this doesn’t work I will have to tell you goodbye but- I want to take that risk, (Y/n). I know- I know I want to be with you. And I’m going to do everything I can to keep you here. Because I love you and I, above all, don’t want to let go so easily.” he ended up muttering and you couldn’t keep the smile that spread on your lips when you heard those three little words.
“Oh Misha” you breathed out and before you could say more, he pressed his lips to yours in a sweet, short and yet loving kiss.
You both pulled away, but didn’t pull away from each other. You rested your head on his chest and wrapped your arms around him just like he did. Eyes closed and content smiles on both your faces…
…just like the little boy’s face that watched you from the stairs, a few giggles escaping his lips as he finally watched you and his father in each other’s arms.