mirrors start to whisper

My secrets are burning a hole through my heart
And my bones catch a fever
When it cuts you up this deep
It’s hard to find a way to breathe


Your eyes are swallowing me
Mirrors start to whisper
Shadows start to sing
My skin’s smothering me
Help me find a way to breathe

So, I’ve been doing this thing ever since my last relapse on meth and cocaine. The day I decided to get clean again I looked into the mirror, and stared at myself directly in the eyes. They were slate grey. Not an ounce of crystal blue left in them. My eyes were black and sunken in. Eyeliner was smeared under my eyelids and the circles under my eyes were the purple you see after you fall and bruise your knee at age 4. My cheeks were hallowed out, it looked like someone took one of the spoons you use to clean your pumpkin on cool autumn nights to my cheek bones and attempted to make something that would scare children out of it. My thick jet black hair was falling into my pale, nearly blue face and I could barely keep my eyes open. I was so tired.. I had spent 6 years battling my addiction and I still was looking in the mirror at the same addict I was before. I stood there for 30 minutes just staring, trying to make a decision. Finally, out loud, I whispered… “Starting over does not mean failing”. I repeated it over and over. Louder and louder until I was nearly yelling.

I’m telling you this story because I still do this. I haven’t done coke/meth since November of 2014. But that doesn’t mean I’m not an addict. I gave myself alcohol poisoning this last weekend because i still can’t say no.

I just looked in the mirror and stared. But instead of whispering, I loudly stated “starting over does not mean failing”. This time, I really believe it.

To all you addicts, and recovering addicts, remember… Relapsing is a part of recovery. Don’t let your need to drown your pain consume you.

I believe in you.

Bodyswap

A/N: Lame title to what’s hopefully not a lame fic! This was written for the lovely Zeina ( prongsvssquid ), inspired by these two posts (the latter more specifically). I know it can be a weird/awkward concept but please bear with me. Also, brace yourself for smut and italics.

A lot of weird things have happened to Lily Evans in her life but this is the first time she’s ever woken up with a penis.

And to top it all off, it’s not just anybody’s penis – it just so happens to be James Potter’s penis. Which just so happens to complicate things even further.

When she thinks back on it, it’s all so cliché. Possibly nauseatingly so. Because this whole mess started off with the average Illicit Potion Goes Wrong Incident, which then led to the very unfortunate and annoying We Don’t Know How To Reverse It Debacle, and so now they are both left to deal with the Everything Is Extremely Awkward And Uncomfortable Aftermath since going to the administration is definitely Not An Option.

So if feelings were messy between Lily and James to begin with, now they’re even worse. Accidentally swapping bodies kind of does that.

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You're Just A Beautiful Girl, With The Weight Of The World On Your Shoulders.. *Andy Biersack Fluff and Smut*

mrsbiersackpurdy Asked: Please can you write me a fluffy/smutty Andy Biersack one? Because I’m really struggling at the minute (selfharm/depression) and need something to take my mind off it. Fanch chu love xxxxxx

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I decided to do this now because I know what it feels like to be in that place, so here is the best thing I could think of, sorry it’s not my best smut, but merp. Ps. Stay Strong, love, you can do it. I believe in you<3 I’m here if you need me, anytime, anyone. Anyone can message me if needed, I’m always here.

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*Y/N’s POV*

I knew Andy would be mad if I cut right now, but all the things people tell me, I can’t help think that it’s true. I looked in the box where I kept it, and thought for a moment. Is it worth it…? I mean, I should be able to make my own decisions, but what if it hurt’s Andy more than anything? Ok, I just won’t tell him, or I’ll do it where he won’t find it. Yea. I’ll just do that….

I opened the box, and lifted up my sleeve. I was gonna do one cut for everything anyone’s ever told me for the day. It added up to about thirty.  I sighed, knowing that Andy would be home soon, and I would have to act like nothing was wrong. I went into the bathroom, locked the door, and looked myself in the mirror. “You deserve this…” I whispered, and the tears started falling down my face. I looked myself in the mirror, I cried even more. Looking at how broken I was, made me feel worse. What ever happened to the girl who didn’t have to force everything inside of her, just so she could fake a smile? What ever happened to the girl that didn’t have to worry about her makeup everyday? What ever happened to..Me…? I looked at the blade, my arm, and then the mirror. “I’m so sorry, Andy..” I whispered through my sobs, and dragged the blade across my arm a couple times.

I made it to fifteen before the front door opened and closed “Y/N, where are you” Andy’s voice boomed through the house. “One minute!” I yelled back, cleaning up the blood and hiding the blade again. I put on my jacket, and redid the makeup that was smeared all over my face. I walked out, and hugged Andy. “Hey babe” He smiled at me. I smiled back, and hugged him again, burying my face in his chest. “What’s wrong?” He looked me dead in the eye, causing me to look away. Think of something, Y/N, think. “I just missed you. You’ve been on tour for so long, I just missed you, that’s all.” I said in a innocent voice, trying to play it off. His hands travled down my arms, to my wrist, causing me to wince. “Roll up your sleeves, now” He demanded. I just looked at him, then the floor, ashamed that he knew I cut. When I didn’t roll them up, he did it and got down on his knees. He closed his eyes then kissed them. Every single one of them. I started crying, but not from being ashamed, but because someone actually cares.

“I love you so much, Y/N, I just don’t want to lose you. I love you too much to see you do this to yourself. You’re just a beautiful girl, with the weight of the world on your shoulders. You don’t deserve any of the shit your getting. You shouldn’t let the things people tell you get to you. Don’t let your mind win the fight, talk to me when you need it, ok?” He said in the most softest voice I’ve ever heard him use. I nodded, and he slowly leaned in. “I’m gonna show you you’re worth it” He whispered against my lips, and kissed me again. The kiss was soon heated, but not in a lust way, more in a passionate, “I love you” type of way. His hands soon found their way up my shirt, and he slid it over my head, then did the same with his clothes, as did I with my jeans. He unclasped my bra, and threw it on the ground. He kissed down from my neck to my left boob, sucking on it lightly, while massaging my right one. Then repeated the process with my right boob. He took off my panties, then slowly pushed into me. I moaned out at the feeling, and moved my hips, so I was meeting his thrusts. “Babe- I’m…I’m close!” I moaned out as I felt the familiar knot form in my stomach. “Me to, babe. Just let it go” We came at the same time, and we snuggled into the covers.

Andy wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. “Please don’t do it again. I love you too much to see you hurt. Please, just please, get rid of them?” “Yes. I promise” I said, smiled up at him, soon falling asleed to the peaceful sond and rhythm of his heartbeat.

And in that moment, I knew. I knew that someone loved me. That someone cared. That someone was there for me. That someone wanted me to stay alive. We didn’t just “Fuck” or “Have sex”.

What we just did. We made love…

anonymous asked:

how about the GOM + Kagami reacting to their S/O having insecurities about their body?

I combined these two asks because they are pretty similar. Don’t ever feel insecure because all of you are pretty/handsome and amazing <3 I hope y’all will enjoy this! Thanks, anon-chan for loving my blog *_*

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This little kiss after Danny cooked breakfast was so genuinely adorable. The fact he has to reach up to kiss Alex because Alex doesn’t come down to meet him. The fact he’s on his way to put their breakfast on the table where they can eat it together. The fact Alex is in his work shirt and pants and Danny is in an old t-shirt with his hair sticking all up on end. Those things are just beautiful .

I simply do not believe for one second that their relationship is not genuine. I’ve read a few theories that wonder if Danny is under deep cover and he’s doing to Alex what was done to Scottie back when he was with the agency. I think moments like this (together with Danny’s very private and very raw grief) are indicative that no matter what is yet to be revealed, he truly loved that man. That was the truth and when he said he had no idea what happened to Alex and had never set foot in that attic, that was the truth, too.

When he was rehearsing in front of the mirror at the start of Episode 2 he whispered a desperate “you fuckers”. Is he talking about the newspapers who have printed lies? Is he talking to the people who he believes killed Alex? Or, is he talking to someone else? Someone who has made him do this? I don’t know. But if he’s lying about this I don’t think I will appreciate it at all. Not when I care this much about him. It will feel like a twist too much.