miranda-tv-show

Just a normal day on the internet,

Today I was watching a beloved episode of one of my favourite shows… Miranda. And then I thought to myself. “Wow, she is quite tall. I too am abnormally tall, I might just wiki her and see if we are of similar heights,” So I get out my iPhone 4s and do a quick little search, and by god what did I find! Well, nothing much that surprised me a whole lot. I’m 2 cm’s taller than her in fact, but its all good, because she is leading the way for us tall girls. In 10, maybe 15 years, people will have not only accepted her 1.85cm height, but perhaps even my 1.87cm. I wont have to hear the phrase “Wow you’re so tall” once a fucking day… LIKE AS IF I DIDN’T KNOW MY OWN HEIGHT OR ANYTHING, ITS NOT LIKE I’VE BEEN MEASURING MYSELF SINCE THE 1st GRADE THE FIRST TIME I GOT MADE FUN OF FOR BEING TALL, NAHHH OF COURSE NOT, PLEASE DO TELL ME ABOUT MY OWN HEIGHT ONE MORE TIME SIR. Not that it angers me or anything… No, not at all. I simply remain cool. Cooooooool as a cucumber. A cucumber that was left out in the sun on a hot day in Darwin. Then casually put into a 240 degree oven because some idiot thought it was in fact zucchini instead of a cucumber! Stupid human! WHY DO THEY LOOK SO MUCH ALIKE FROM THE OUTSIDE?! HOW IS THIS REMOTELY FAIR?! WHY CANT WE ALL JUST BE INDIVIDUAL SO I DON’T ACCIDENTALLY PUT FUCKING SLICES OF UNCOOKED ZUCCHINI IN MY SUMMER SALADS AND HATE LIFE BECAUSE ALL I WANTED WAS SOME REFRESHING CUCUMBER?!!??!!!
Yes, Hmm… I got a bit off topic there…
Anyway, The other thing i discovered is that we have the same birthday! Miranda Hart and myself! How exciting! How fantabulous! How awwwwesomely curious. Maybe its a tall thing? Alas no, I know two other humans with the same birthday and they are short and unfriendly and unfunny and disasterously SHORT. I may have mentioned their underwhelming height twice… but I just wanted it to sink in, you know?
Right, well… Rant over.

Hairdresser: I want to watch some new TV shows. What TV shows would you recommend?

Me: *takes a breath* get a pen my dear, we could be here a while.