‘To live in the present moment is a miracle. The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green Earth in the present moment, to appreciate the peace and beauty that are available now.’
- Thich Nhat Hanh, Touching Peace: Practicing the Art of Mindful Living.
‘Our notions of happiness entrap us. We forget that they are just ideas. Our idea of happiness can prevent us from actually being happy. We fail to see the opportunity for joy that is right in front of us when we are caught in a belief that happiness should take a particular form.’
“Everyone tries to make his life a work of art. We want love to last and we know that it does not last; even if, by some miracle, it were to last a whole lifetime, it would still be incomplete. Perhaps, in this insatiable need for perpetuation, we should better understand human suffering, if we knew that it was eternal. It appears that great minds are, sometimes, less horrified by suffering than by the fact that it does not endure. In default of inexhaustible happiness, eternal suffering would at least give us a destiny. But we do not even have that consolation, and our worst agonies come to an end one day. One morning, after many dark nights of despair, an irrepressible longing to live will announce to us the fact that all is finished and that suffering has no more meaning than happiness.”
- Albert Camus. The Rebel: An Essay on Man in Revolt, 1951.
Thank you to everyone that has sent me kind messages. I really appreciate them all and I just wanted to make a mass post about it because I don’t have the energy to reply to everyone.
I know I said yesterday would be the last update but…yesterday was really hard. In all of my life experiences I don’t think I’ve ever had such a terrible day. The news of my aunt’s passing was really hard to take in. No one expected that she would pass away. Somehow, through it all we had faith that she would recover. She just wasn’t the type of person that deserved this. She was the most caring individual I had ever met and she just didn’t deserve any of it. I’m so angry and sad all at once. It doesn’t feel real. My heart aches but my mind is constantly thinking about it all not being real. I don’t want it to be. I want to wake up tomorrow and know she’s there. That it was all a misunderstanding. For me, for her son and daughter, for my mom and the rest of her siblings, for my grandmother, for us all. It wasn’t her time and deep in my soul I ask myself if there was anything else we could possibly do.
Yesterday I received the news from my father through the phone. I could hear my mother sobbing in the background. At the time I was home alone and I just broke down. About 30 minutes later my parents were back home and my mother couldn’t even make it up the stairs alone. She was hysterical. As time went on my mother began to have a panic attack. Her whole body was trembling, her hands were getting stiff, her breathing was completely off and her crying…it was heartbreaking. She slipped in and out of consciousness as we tried to check her blood pressure while attempting to calm her down. That was only one of the three or four panic attacks she had that day. Each as terrifying as the last as she slipped in and out of consciousness for brief seconds at a time. We were close to taking her to the emergency room but were luckily able to calm her down for the rest of the day. Our family friends that came to visit and pay their condolences would trigger her attacks each time they cried.
To top that off the hospital refused to give us her body unless the family paid a huge lump sum of money, more money than any average person could possibly give. It was a huge worry for hours not knowing if we would be able to get her back. Our family had to call out to as many people as we possibly could to please help us. Everyone literally gave as much as they possibly could and luckily by around 7 pm our family was able to receive her body from the hospital.
My mother took a flight back over there and my aunt was laid to rest this afternoon. The pain we are all feeling right now is just too much. We’re all just looking in ourselves for the strength that we so desperately need.
She was a girl that didn’t believe in karma, you just got what you got, whether good or bad. She was a girl that didn’t believe in happily ever after but that didn’t mean she was never happy. She didn’t believe in miracles, and maybe she believed in love.
But she told me that if she ever fell in love, then she would believe in miracles.
excerpt from a book I’ll never write #4 ( offdxys )
what are some books that helped you boost your spiritual evolution?
Here are some of my spiritual favorites:
“The Power of Now” by Eckart Tolle, “Be Here Now” by Ram Dass, “The Return of the Mother” by Andrew Harvey, “Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life” and “The Miracle of Mindfulness An Introduction to Meditation” by Thich Nhat Hanh, “Zen Mind, Beginners Mind by Suzuki”, “The Way of Zen” by Alan Watts, “Siddhartha” by Hermann Hesse, “Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah” by Richard Bach, and “The Perennial Philosophy by Aldous Huxley (most of these are on my blog in PDF form to read online).
In just fun reads I recommend “Lord of Light” by Zelazny, “Stranger in a Strange Land” by Heinlein, “The Godmakers” by Frank Herbert and “The One and the Golden Circle” by Beene.
My mind: Keep on breaking them! What, you say? Their hearts! Keep on shattering them! What, you say? Keep on breaking them! What, you say? Their hearts! Keep on shattering them! What, you say? Keep on breaking them! What, you say? Their hearts! Keep on shattering them! What, you say? Keep on breaking them! What, you say? Their hearts! Keep on shattering them! What, you say? Keep on breaking them! What, you say? Their hearts! Keep on shattering them! What, you say? Keep on breaking them! What, you say? Their hearts! Keep on shattering them! What, you say?