Hey hey heyyyyy So I got this crazy idea about how each character of Free suits with an ice-cream flavor (thanks to @food-that-looks-like-free ) and then here we go! It took me a long time to finish scanning it but then finally I’m done! Haruka: Splish Splash Sherbet Rin: Cherry Makoto: Matcha Sousuke: Mint Chocochip (Chocomint) Nagisa: Rainbow Sherbet Rei: Blackberry Aichiirou: Ice Daiquiri Momotarou: Orange Sherbet Seijurou: Firehouse 31 Gou: Love Potion Kisumi: Strawberry Milk Ikuya: Popping Shower Asahi: Red Velvet Natsuya: Rocky Road Nao: Honey Lavender Hope you like them <3 ~ Free! and the characters belong to Kyoto Animation Some of the ice cream flavors belong to Baskin Robbins
It’s just hard to. It’s hard when you’re not the only person in the room. It has never been easy when another person is involved, anyway. I should have realized that the first time I let myself be associated with her.
What was I thinking?
She invited me into her room, holding my hand. And I allowed her to do that. How foolish could I be? It should have been easy for me to reject her. To push her away, like my brother always did a long time ago when she was trying to help him saving me.
Shit. Now I realize something. He had won against me, for God knows how many times. I’m weak. I’ve always been weak. Both my body and now my mind. No wonder Mother liked to abuse me–maybe it’s not entirely her fault. I’m also at fault for being too weak and rely on my brother too much.
But… this is strange.
I stare at the ceiling, stupidly waiting for it to give me answers, somehow. I’m practically petrified. I can’t move. I’m struggling for air. Why the hell did I let myself be in this situation in the first place? I don’t get it.
It’s too late.
I’m getting used to this. I should have gotten used to being pressed down, being powerless, being under someone’s control like this. I’ve always been that one small-sized person to be picked on, someone who serves other people. A marionette. That’s what I am.
I thought I have changed after all that had happened to me. I should have become stronger already at this point. No one should ever pin me down like this again. Now that I think about it, I’ve always been secondary. Mother has had fun torturing me, then I was saved by Rika. Even so, I had become her servant. Again, secondary.
Then RFA saved me–I was saved for the second time in my life. Saved, saved, saved. Is that the purpose of my life? To be saved? When will I save someone? When will I be primary, be the first person? Be the person who does something?
I met her again. The woman I had sent to start everything all over again. I’m not sure how should I feel about her at first. It’s complex. Sometimes I can’t even look at her chocolate eyes.
Ha. I really want to laugh right now. Look at me. I’m disgusted.
This one’s different.
I hate her. Yes. I hate her so, so, so much. I hate her for turning me into a marionette again. I hate her for doing what she’s doing to me right now. Not letting me breathe properly… what the hell are you thinking, woman? Are you insane?
I hate myself. I thought I hated my brother the most, but I was wrong. I hate myself even more. I hate myself the most. I hate my weak, pathetic, disgusting, imbecile self. I hate myself for not resisting. I hate myself for letting her turning me into a secondary person again.
Most of all, I hate myself for falling into her trap. I hate myself more than I hate her.
I’m losing myself. How?
I’m tired. I’m tired of thinking. Of questioning. Of denying. Should I give up then? Maybe I’ll try harder next time. When she’s not being this… affectionate.
I like it.
I don’t know. I’m not sure. I’m being a marionette again. I swore to myself that I’m going to be a better person and everything. Look at me. What am I doing? She’s playing with my strings and I give her my permission. Who’s really at fault here?
I don’t plan to stop her. This is funny. I hate her. She is able to destroy me. I hate it. For the first time tonight, I actually enjoy being a marionette.
Lips on skin. A kiss.
Teeth sinking in. A bite.
Hands stroking my cheek. My hair.
Thumb swiping my bottom lip.
Hand tracing my arm. Find its way to my hand.
Fingers entangle. Fit each other like a completed piece of puzzle.
Mint green meets chocolate. Mint choco chip? I must be out of my mind.
Woman, can’t you see? Can’t you see how much I’m suffering because of you right now?
My widened eyes, my slightly parted lips, my short breaths, my heart that is beating so fast it doesn’t feel like it’s beating at all anymore?
Do you want me to die? Just say so.
You can kill me right here, right now.
Her voice. It is dark. Just like the room we’re in.
And I obey her like a disgusting pathetic worthless servant fool I am.
Why? Why do I make everything so easy for her?
My brain stops working. Lack of oxygen.
I let her guide my other, free hand.
And she straight up kills me. She locks me up with her lips.
She moves. I gasp.
She moves. I stop breathing for some moment.
She moves. I die a little inside.
With each moves, she kills me. Little by little.
She sends her toxin through my spine, spreading all over my body.
I’m dizzy. The world is spinning.
I’m sweating. I’m draining. I’m dying.
She shows me no mercy. She hates me so much. She really wants to end my life.
I want to tell her to stop. But I can’t do anything. I’m practically in a coma.
No. Scratch that.
I don’t even want her to stop.
I don’t know what’s in my head at this point. I have completely lost control of myself.
She continues to intoxicate me until there’s too much toxin in my body, much more than I can handle.
Probably one of the loudest scream that ever comes out of my mouth in my entire life.
I can’t do this anymore.
Sweating, panting, my vision turns blurry.
Her face is the last thing I remember before everything goes black.
It’s way past midnight. I look at the clock and it shows me 2 AM. I sit on this bed with clouds of smoke surrounding me. Good thing I still carry it around. My brother would have been mad at me if he had seen me do this, but I don’t care anymore. It does a better job in calming my nerves down than he does.
I don’t get it. I don’t understand any of this. I thought I was going to die for real, but I just had my most peaceful sleep in forever, albeit not for long. I have so many things going on inside my head, it’s insane. With every smoke I breathe, one thing in my head comes outside.
At least I think it does.
From the very first moment, I don’t get it. What is this? What is all of this? Why did she invite me into her room? Why did I let her? Why did she do all these things to me? Why did I let her? I don’t understand her. I don’t understand myself either. We are both crazy.
I thought I hated people. I hate my brother. I hate RFA. I hate Rika. I hate everyone. But did I really hate them? Or I just thought I did? I thought I hated her, this brunette-haired woman. Seeing her face makes me sick. Sick of hatred? Sick of guilt? I don’t know.
So many questions, yet no answer. Am I going to have another one of those sleepless night?
I look at her. She’s sleeping. She looks so peaceful. Hands wrapping around my waist. I hate it. I hate her. It’s not fair. She is the one who does this to me. She is the reason why I can’t sleep. She builds all these questions in my head. It’s really unfair. She can have her sleep while I can’t even close my eyes.
And then she wakes up. Those chocolate eyes of hers open. She stares at me right away.
“Well hello there, night owl.”
I say nothing. I only return her stare and that’s all.
She chuckles. “My body pillow has to sleep.”
Body pillow? She addresses me as her body pillow? How dare she.
“I’m not your body pillow, woman.”
“But your body says otherwise.” She wraps me tighter. Now I hate her even more. “Can I hug you like this forever?”
This woman is insane. If I had known it sooner, I would’ve chosen another woman.
“No. You can’t.”
“Very well, then.”
She lets go of my waist and sits right beside me. We stare at each other for a while. Then she glances at my cigarette. She takes it from me just like that. Within seconds, she blows some smokes while looking at me.
I can’t do anything about it. Why is that? I’m angry with her. But it’s only in my head. I stare at her, watching her as she enjoys my cigarette. What is this? This view… why can’t I stop it?
“What makes you so nervous? Anxious? Hmm?”
I frown. “I’m not nervous nor am I anxious.”
She blows another smoke. Long and slow. “Don’t lie to me. Not many people know this but… I smoke when I get too nervous or anxious.”
“I’m not you.”
It must be an incorrect answer. She closes the gap between us. We have no distance until I can feel her breath touching my face.
“This cigarette tastes funny. Sweet. Like… apple caramel? Now I know what you’ve had before this.”
I roll my eyes. She is goddamn annoying. “Shut up.”
“I like it when you’re angry,” she says. Before I have the chance to do anything, she strokes my hair. Her fingers brush through each strand. Then she entangles them into her hand. She has fun playing with my hair. What is wrong with this woman? “I know you’re flustered. All of this… must be new to you.”
She blows another smoke.
“I can’t sleep as well. You might think that I was sleeping so peacefully earlier, but I wasn’t. As soon as you woke up, I did too.”
I stare at her. Should I tell her how I really feel? I have so much in my mind, it’s disturbing. I want to know what’s wrong with me, what’s happening to me, what’s the meaning of all this. God. I want to be free.
“I just want to sleep.” I say.
She looks at me. We stare at each other. Her hand is still on my hair. “Alright.”
She stubs out MY cigarette. But I don’t want to deal with it. She can do whatever she wants for all I care. Like I said before, I just want to sleep. If she can’t help me, nobody else can.
All of a sudden, she cups my face. Mint green meets chocolate again. “Not all people are bad. I know everything you’ve been through. I understand if it’s hard for you to trust someone ever again. But I will never hurt you. Take my word.” She says with her rough voice.
Hurt? Hurt me? I remember what happened to me before I fell asleep. I remember that I was dying. I couldn’t breathe. I was tortured. Abused? But why am I still here? I have no intention to leave. I don’t even have intention to flinch. Is it because I’ve already gotten used to being abused?
What kind of abuse was that? The kind of thing that makes me want to stay? Is that even possible? No. It was different. Mom yelled at me when she made those bruises, she clearly despises me. People at Mint Eye also yelled at me when they injected those needles into my skin. I was hurt really bad back then. Now that everything’s been done, I realize that Mint Eye was merely an illusion.
Tonight is different. I admit that I was tortured, but actually, it didn’t feel that bad. If she really were to kill me, I don’t mind being killed that way. At least it was better than ropes and needles. She kissed me, held me, touched me. No one has ever done things like that to me before.
At this point, I have given up. I’m tired of resisting. It costs a lot of energy, but is of no use. It’s far too late anyway. Just do everything you want to do to me, woman. Do as you please.
“You can have the best time of your life if it’s with the right person.” She whispered.
With that, she kisses me on my lips. I close my eyes. She kisses me again. Numerous times. Slowly. Passionately. She kisses my cheek, all the way down to my neck. Her one hand grabs and pulls my hair down, forcing me to tilt my head. I’m shutting down.
With every kiss and every touch, she sends me deeper and deeper into slumber. I’ve never been this serene for God knows how long. Even in my whole time when I devoted all of my body and soul to serve Mint Eye where I could find my paradise, I’ve never felt like this. I thought Mint Eye was my everything, but it was nothing compared to… this. Whatever torture this is, I… like it.
I’ve always been told that people are horrible creatures. They are sinners, made by the Devil to destroy Earth. Rika, Mint Eye, and I have the job to prevent those dirty rotten humans from ruining this world. They need to be cleansed. I believe in that, looking at my parents and then my brother.
But what about her?
And what about this? Are we sinners? Do we need to be punished? How much of a sin is this? Are we destroying the world by doing this? If this is what they call a sin, I understand why Satan willingly lives in hell for eternity. I choose this over whatever it is that’s been given to me in Mint Eye.
Rika always says that Mint Eye is a paradise because it’s free from pain and fear. Everyone there is supposed to be faithful, trustworthy, and honest. But those needles hurt me. But Rika herself betrays me in front of my brother. As for this woman… I have yet to see her betray me and hurt me. She never betrays me even if my brother is around us all the time. The thing that she has done to me earlier leaves me breathless, but at least it made me sleep.
Does that mean… this is a paradise?
“Feel sleepy now?”
Her voice. I’m already half-conscious. I can’t open my eyes. My head feels light. It’s like I’m not here anymore. But I can still feel it. Her kissing my face and my body while she pushes me gently onto the bed. I breathe slowly. She strokes my hair and caresses my cheek.
Is this what true paradise feels like?
I feel no pain. I feel no fear. Only peacefulness and contentment. No needles. No medications. No ropes. No bruises. No anything. Just me and her.
She kisses my forehead. “Goodnight, sleep tight, and have a nice dream, sleepyhead.” She whispered.
I don’t want to leave. I want to be in this paradise forever. This is the place I’m looking for
She lays herself down right beside me, pulling the covers up our bare skin. The night is cold. I’m almost shivering. Unconsciously, I wrap my arms around her as I keep her close to me. That way, we’ll be warm together.
It’s funny how the question and its answer lie on a same person.
Now that everything’s clear…
I’m asleep for real.
P.S: Lolololol I’m sorry. Maybe someday I’ll write a real Saeran smut. Becauseapparentlysubmissivesaeranismynewestkink. Hohoho. Maybe… someday… a real dominant Saeran smut… who knows…
Are you still doing requests? If so I have requested this before but like a John Laurens x chubby reader? I’d really like to see what you can do, since you’re like the best writer ever! (Loved breaking btw!!)
You adjusted the bag strapped to your back and walked down the street. You decided to wear a cute yellow dress today that really showed off your body because you were feeling really confident. I hope I’m not to late, I was supposed to meet John ten minutes ago! As you approached the café you and John planned to go for a little date you passed by a man. He whistled at you.
“Hey there, you’re liking mighty fine, sweetheart!” He hollered, you rolled your eyes. Gross. You ignored him and continued on your way. “I see how it is-” You didn’t listen to him finish that statement and instead walked inside the coffee shop. You saw John turn his head in your direction. He waved you over as you strutted to the seat he saved for you. He shot you a sly smile.
“Well don’t you look as pretty as ever!” He praised, you fanned yourself in an exaggerated manner.
“Oh my! Mr. Laurens you flatter me so!” He chuckled at your performance and handed you the coffee he ordered you as you sat across from him. You took a sip. “Perfect as always, love! You always know what my order is!” You joked. You took another drink and you could see John staring at you from the rim of the mug. “Can I help you, sir?” You asked as you set the cup down.
“What the heck did I do to deserve you?” He questioned with dreamy eyes, a few stray curls sticking out from his ponytail. You pretended to think for a moment.
“Let’s see… You’re cute, you’re funny, you like turtles… actually it’s because you buy me coffee, I’m sorry I lied.” You teased.
“Fair enough, I’ll take it!” He shrugged.
“I’m just kidding! You know I love you thiiiiiis much!” You extended your arms out wide.
“Stop being so cute!” He clutched onto his chest like his heart was aching. “I can’t handle it!” The two of you talked about your day as you finished your drinks.
“You wanna go get ice cream?” You grinned mischievously.
“Hell yeah! Mint choco-chip for the win!”
“Oh God, you’re such a dork!” You snorted, he took your hand and laced your fingers between his, leading you out of the shop. As you both walked beside each other, you saw the guy from earlier. Ugh, this asshole. He noticed you with Laurens and laughed.
“Well, look who’s back! And you brought a little friend, I can’t believe someone actually can deal with all of that! Dude, do you just ignore how big she is or something?” What a fucking dick! You felt John’s grip on your hand tighten.
“You want to take care of this or should I?” He whispered.
“I got this babe, don’t worry.” You looked the douchebag in the eye. “Oh trust me sweetie, he has no reason to ignore my size! He loves every single inch of me and more importantly I do too. It’s too bad an ass-hat like you will never be able to handle this much woman, or any woman for that matter!” You clicked your tongue and he looked genuinely offended.
“Dude, control you fucking girlfriend!” He whined, John chuckled.
“Don’t ‘dude’ me, first of all. Second of all, I don’t control her. Lastly, my girl is the most gorgeous thing on this fucking planet, your ass wishes it even had a chance with her!” John high fived you and you placed your hand on your hip.
“Damn right! Come on babe, we’ve got something more important at hand, ice cream!” The two of you walked past the dude, leaving him speechless.
“Have I told you how much I love you?” John asked.
“Yes, but you can say it again if you want.”
“I really fucking love you!” He smiled.
“I love you more than ice cream and destroying bullshit, which means I love you more.”
Imagine Jim Kirk after a breakup, laying in bed and eating chocolate while he watches old romcoms. And bones walks in and sits with him until Jim feels better, wondering the whole home whether he'll ever be able to tell jim that he loves him.
Jim curling up and shoving mint choco chip ice cream into his mouth, sobbing over love actually and the notebook, trying to seem like he’s not bothered by the break up when he really really is.
Bones coming in from work, smelling of bleach and the hospital, and Jim just shoves himself under Bones’ arm, shoulder jammed against Bones’ side.
“People suck,” Jim grumbles around the spoon in his mouth.
“That they do, darlin’, He says, fingers curling around Jim shoulders comfortingly. Bones leans against the wall over the headboard, stealing bites of Jim’s ice cream.
“You’re the best, Bonesy,” Jim says, voice stuffy, muffled into Bones thigh from where his head had fell. “I hope you have better luck than me in the love department,”
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Bones blinks back a sudden burn of tears. He curls his fingers slightly, petting over Jim’s haphazard blonde strands.
“Me too, kid,” He says, trying to swallow the words he wants to say. “Me too,”
(To be honest, if he didn’t think that Jim would think Bones was taking pity on him, he’d say it, right then and there.
Would take Jim’s face in his hands and kiss him softly, sweetly. Would say i love you, and feel like his heart was beating out of his chest.
He takes a deep breath and tries not to feel like crying)