I can’t count the number of times I’ve been out somewhere in public, whether I was at school or just running errands, and something stressful happens or someone says something that upsets me, and as badly as I want to cry, I force myself to hold it together; to hold a facade of everything being okay. As soon as I get home, though, it’s all tears. I can finally relax in my private, personal space, and just let it all out, and take off the mask.
sitting inside one of my favorite coffee shops with one of my favorite people. it’s raining outside, my dream house is right across the street, i have ben howard playing, and i have time to simply d r e a m. it’s been a while since i’ve had the privilege of time to myself.
i’m dreaming of this house right across the street: it’s wood shake siding, brick chimney, big trees surrounding it, warm lights in the attic, and small front yard. it’s secluded while simultaneously being in the middle of the city. i dream of owning a home just like this very one; minneapolis is good at combining city living + lots of trees and lakes, so i’m thankful that that dream isn’t so unrealistic here. i dream of filling the house with a family and lots of food and laughter and love. i dream of slow sundays where the house smells like warm soup and pjs are worn all day. i dream of waking up early and walking across the street to the coffee shop i sit in right now to have a cup of coffee while i read the newspaper. i dream of flower boxes and cozy friday nights and favorite songs floating throughout the house. i dream of quiet, rainy saturday afternoons where we keep the windows open to hear + smell the rain while we read books and soft, classical music plays in the background. i dream of walking our pup through the neighborhood with friends and then having them over for dinner + wine + real conversation out in the front yard under string lights. i dream of you, of you, of you doing all of this alongside me. my heart hurts with how far i feel from you, with how far all of this dream feels. at the same time, though, my heart is hopeful for this. for you.