Dream Daddy CRYPTID AU

Jospeh: a demon-possessed youth pastor, of course. Mary knows and begrudgingly accepts that her loving husband shares a body with a malevolent entity. You can catch him dragging his latest kill through the woods, or hosting weekend barbecues and showing you his latest grill maneuvers.

Damien: the local vampire. Not actually old enough to have been alive in the Victorian era, but he certainly appreciates the aesthetic. He enjoys moonlit walks in the cemetery and napping together in a king-size coffin. You assure him that it’s perfectly alright for a century-old cryptid to work in the technology sector.

Brian: a very loyal and friendly werewolf. Beware- if you throw a stick for Maxwell to fetch, there’s a good chance that Brian will also run after it. Loves frisbees, his beautiful daughter, and full moons. You spend the weekends camping with him and Daisy, making sure they remember to come home before the sun rises.

Mat: a siren. Never sings any more, if he can help it. He and his wife used to travel the country bewitching teens with their voices for fun (no one was ever hurt, of course) until they were found out and she was murdered. He hates large crowds, loud noises, and decaf. Sometimes, you can convince him to play for you, and it’s beautiful and haunting. If you listen closely, he hums under his breath.

Hugo: an earth-loving alien. He and his son aren’t new to the planet; they’ve lived in the cul-de-sac for quite some time, but Hugo never gets any less fascinated with human beings. He particularly has a fondness for literature and the sport of wrestling- he’ll talk your ear off with all of the oddball facts he knows about either subject.

Craig: a psychic. He can see ghosts, and they often come to him begging for help. Between keeping up with his kids, coaching a softball team, running a business, and speaking with the dead, the poor guy runs himself into the ground. He never lets it show, though. You hold him in your strong Dad Arms to ward the cold chill away, and you do your best to ignore his extra shadow.

Robert: completely and totally human. Also obsessed with cryptids. He’s convinced that they are out there, he tells Jospeh as he flips another burger, looking dramatically out across the yard to the woods as Joseph adjusts the hot coals with his bare hands.

He takes Damien hunting with him, even though his cloak keeps getting caught in the branches, because he has crazy good night vision.

He gloats to Brian about the huge canine paw prints he found the other day, as Daisy has a conversation with Maxwell over the practicality of his handkerchief.

Mat brews his coffee as Robert goes on and on about the mysterious nationwide phenomenon a few decades back, with kids going crazy after listening to some music- sirens, obviously. Mat shrugs uncomfortably and hands him his drink.

He recounts to Hugo the night he almost got abducted, and Hugo tells him to stop being ridiculous, that doesn’t even happen. Robert tells him that just because he reads some books, he doesn’t know everything.

He complains to Craig about how cold his house always is, and how he always feels like he’s being watched, probably because of his relentless pursuit of the truth. Craig eyes something behind him and promises to take care of it.

And you? Well, I don’t know about you, but I want to believe.


Confirmed by Joseph’s writer here


On Joseph’s boat, there’s a bed side picture of all the dads. Robert is of course in this photo, but your dadsona is surprised to see that he’s actually smiling, AND he’s wearing non other than Joseph’s sweater.

At the end of the Joseph romance, Robert doesn’t even want to talk to you, not like the other dads.

That’s it. He doesn’t talk to you like the others. He runs off. YOU can’t get say anything to him.

Robert is also the one who tells you how Joseph’s wife is cheating on him, when you first meet him at a bar. (Although he doesn’t tell you that’s Joseph’s wife)

Robert is afraid of emotional intimacy in his own romance.

Robert is really good friends with Mary, he knows they’re both miserable.

You may also have to become friends with Mary to separate the two. Best way to do that is to NOT GO AFTER JOSEPH FIRST. 

 (I think, Robert is actually in love with Joseph, and vice versa, but Joseph is trying too hard to be “the perfect role model/human” that he puts all his time into his kids and wife and local church. Even if he’s not happy with his life. Although this last part is just fan theory)