mine: zenon

let's all take a moment to reflect on the multidimensional brilliance that is the 1999 DCOM "zenon: girl of the 21st century"

- coined the incomparable exclamatory phrase, ¡ZETUS LAPETUS!

- highlighted youths as effective opponents of institutional corruption (and, simultaneously, the prevalent sociopolitical apathy and generational condescension of parents/elders)

- encouraged viewers’ scientific knowledge via character naming (proto zoa, microbe, nebula, etc.), making computer programming a key component of the plot, and, more generally, setting the movie in space (i would very much like neil degrasse tyson to watch this movie and give me a rundown of all its spacey wrongdoings)

- recognized the magick of 80s/early 90s fashion in its imagining of a future aesthetic (bright colors, side ponies, spandex, etc.)

- questioned notions of heteronormative masculinity with pop megastar and bleach-tipped dreamboat proto zoa, who is often dressed in pink, sparkles, animal prints, or any combination thereof

- was responsible for “super nova girl (zoom zoom zoom)”, the catchiest song possibly ever

- used zenon’s parents’ “grounding” of her to earth to literally manifest the vast cruelty that is grounding as a parental disciplinary practice

- took the idea of star-crossed lovers to new atmospheric heights

- relatedly, showed that, no matter how astronomical our differences might seem, there’s always common ground

- casted raven symone, goddess

- distracted from any possibility of a sequel curse by wonderfully/smartly/simply naming its first follow-up “zenon: the zequel”

- once again: ¡ZETUS LAPETUS!