mine: scrubs

  • McGonagall: Well, they finally caught the thief.
  • Fred: Wow, they’re really going to expel him just for stealing pudding cups and toilet paper?
  • McGonagall: No, he was caught taking Quidditch equipment from the locker rooms.
  • Fred:
  • George:
  • McGonagall: ...Have you two been stealing pudding cups and toilet paper?
  • George: What? No. We - we hate pudding and we don’t - we don’t use...toilet paper.
  • McGonagall:
  • Fred: We have one of those French thingies that shoots water up your butt.
  • McGonagall: Bidet?
  • Fred and George: Bidet to you too, Professor.
  • Filch: Door’s broken. This is maybe the fifth time or so it doesn’t open.
  • Harry: Maybe there’s a knut stuck in there.
  • Filch: [suspiciously] Why a knut?
  • Harry: I don’t know.
  • Filch: Did you stick a knut in there?
  • Harry: No! I’m just making small talk...
  • Filch: If I find a knut in there, I’m taking you down.
Friendship Extremes You Encounter

Turk and JD friends: you are in love with them, would follow them anywhere- including Mount Doom a la Sam and Frodo (you’ve discussed it), you sometimes think about the word ‘platonic soulmates’ unironically, you plan out this person’s weddng and how they should be proposed to because they’re worth it & deserve roses and romance and shit. You’re a little worried you’ll never find a significant other you like as much as them.


It’s Always Sunny Friends: would beat each other up in a Denny’s park lot over how to pronounce the word ‘crayon,’ scheming is a regular part of your activities- all of them are bad ones. One of you would yell ‘choke me daddy’ in public to spite the other one, probably can’t live without each other but also ready to stab each other over vore memes or fries. Shit talk each other regularly, but also ready to fight anyone who insults them even a little bit.


Perry Cox + Nicknames for Dr. Kelso