There are dead things! Dead faces in the water! All dead. All rotten. Elves and men and orcses. A great battle long ago.The Dead Marshes. Yes, yes! That is their name. This way. don’t follow the lights.
1. limbo – the canon-shippers Those who ship the actual pairings as they appear in canon. Barely even belong in Shipper Hell at all. Condemned to a miserable dependence on a fickle deity. Featuring: Buffy/Angel; Peeta/Katniss; Edward/Bella.
2. lust – the crack-shippers Okay, so they ship it, but do they ship it? The mildest ring of shipper hell, for those people who will ship anything on a dare. Condemned to eternal mockery, but let’s be real, that’s not actually a punishment for these guys. Featuring: Bella/Tyler’s Van; Bilbo/Smaug; Hogwarts/Giant Squid.
3. gluttony – the ultra-common-shippers You know the one ship. It’s the one that’s in every. single. fic. Even if it’s not the focus, it gets thrown in in the background. Condemned to have their fanart shown to the actors on chat shows. Featuring: Dean/Castiel; John/Sherlock; Clint/Coulson.
4. greed – the multi-shippers They write your favorite pairing, but then when you go to binge on their work it turns out they write EVERYTHING ELSE TOO and OH MY GOD NOT THAT PAIR. Need to pick one OTP like the rest of us. Condemned to be eternally hated by BOTH sides of every shipping war. Featuring: Harry/Ron AND Harry/Luna AND Draco/Ginny.
5. anger – the trash-shippers Trash and they know it. Sometimes it’s trash/cinnamon roll, sometimes it’s trash/trash, but it’s always trash. Condemned to…IDK, be trash? These guys are pretty up front about it. Featuring: Bucky/Pierce; Sauron/Morgoth; Hux/Kylo.
6. heresy – the rare-pair-shippers Not to be confused with the crack-shippers. These guys mean it. Oh god do they mean it. They have treatises about Anonymous Pilot #17/That One Guy From The Novelization. Condemned to three fics on AO3, two of which are mistags. Featuring: Rosie Cotton/Erestor; Deadpool/Sif; Ianto/Rory Williams.
7. violence – the NOTP-shippers That One Ship. The one that inspires Hatred and Outrage in the hearts of All True Believers. They ship it. They are Those People. Condemned to have their ship tags full of indignant posts about BAD EXAMPLES FOR TEENAGE GIRLS. Featuring: Hux/Rey; Dean/Amara; Willow/Kennedy.
8. fraud – the incest-shippers Sure, we all understand they know it’s wrong in real life. We still edge away nervously. They can just go … do their thing … over there. Condemned to awkward questions about whether they have any siblings, forever. Featuring: Sam/Dean; Thor/Loki; Draco/Lucius.
9. treachery – the ship-burners The one circle we can all agree to hate. These are the guys who shoot down one ship so they can put their own in. They’re the ones who demonize female characters so they can ship their favorite gays. Not cool, guys. Condemned to MANY ANGRY REVIEWS. Featuring: Gabriel/Sam/Jess; Clint/Thor/Jane; Harry/Ron/Hermione.