mine: captain becker

Loyalty - Captain Becker

Description: You have a chat with the new Captain after his first day. 

Warnings/Labels: Super short.

Approx. Word Count: 450

A/N: This could easily be the start to a very long story that spreads through the whole canon of the show. I just don’t know if there would be enough interest in it. Super short, just a quick little scene for the moment.

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While I’m on a Primeval kick, can we talk about Becker’s obvious PTSD because holy shitsnacks.

I’m aware Danny and Sarah were cut out of the show becaue of IRL reasons with their actors but the webisodes break my fucking heart every time. The man is broken – he feels as though he’s failed the exact mission he was hired to do and for some reason my mind keeps going back to Cutter and how he must have hated himself for being too distracted with trying to find the other survivors to realize he’d gone back in for Helen.

(He’s sitting there thinking of course he would, it’s fucking Cutter, always has to be the better person always has to prove it– especially to her.) And then the what if’s start flooding in, what if Conner had found Cutter and Helen before Helen shot him? What if she’d decided to kill two birds with one stone? What if there had been two bodies to drag out, Cutter and Conner?

Then Christine Johnson happens – and even though Lester ordered him to stay behind he’s more than aware that Wilder would not hesitate to shoot to kill. Lester’s kept him updated, he knows Johnson has “replacements” ready for every single one of them and all he can do is hope and trust that Danny isn’t going to get them killed. (Danny’s still pretty untested after all, he thinks he understands how dangerous it can be but he has no idea and the entire time Becker’s following Johnson around like a good little military toadie his hands are clenched in fists behind his back until he finally says “Let me bring them in, I know Quinn’s mind.” becaue if he bites his tongue any harder he won’t be able to swallow the blood.) It’s such a near miss with the terrorbirds that by the time the Draco-Rex comes around he just wants to kill the thing but Abby keeps saying no, no you can’t I won’t let you and she sounds so much like Cutter that he can’t say no. He just can’t.

And then there’s that first horrifying jaunt into the future and Abby’s convinced she’s going to lose her brother and that’s where Becker snaps and says no – I don’t care what it takes no one else, never again. At what point after that did Becker slump down in the locker room and lose his shit? I love to imagine that he and Abby have a moment at some point in the aftermath of that where she sees how shaken he is, where they’re both ready to break because for the first time Abby understands Jenny leaving– that it wasn’t just about Claudia Brown or Cutter it was all of it– the constant strain and anxiety; the wondering who’s going to be just unlucky enough; who’s going to pull the short straw. It’s terrifying.

Then of course, Helen again, and it all goes to hell. He knows looking at Conner and Abby and Danny that if they go through the anomally they are not coming back– he can feel it in his gut that their luck is up but what choice do they have? And of course they don’t come back. And the rescue missions start. And they get progressively more and more desparate because at this point Becker knows his sanity rests on seeing the three of them alive again. He dreams about it. After the last mission where he loses Sarah he doesn’t think there’s anything left in him to break and he still does. He still hears her. Still sees them all, standing there in front of the anomally every night– their ghosts are everywhere even amid the hundreds of nameless, faceless suited drones coming in to conduct interview after interview. He submits his resignation an hour after Sarah is declared dead and waffles between drinking himself to death or finding something more expedient to do the job until he’s told “James Lester wants you” and against every sane bone in his body he agrees because the ARC is literally all he has left. It’s his personal hell, but as far as he’s concerned he deserves it.