mine: agm

Just when I thought things were slowly starting to get better, you crossed my mind a little extra today as I walked throughout the hallways. An image kept replaying from the first time I ever laid eyes on you in my driveway. Each day grew longer and nights grew shorter since then. Never once had I been so infatuated with a person or moment, now I know I’ll never experience something so special again.

I’ve always believed in fate. I sometimes think about whether or not we’ll each make a decision that leads to another decision that one day brings us to the same coffee shop. Or even a decision that brings me to speak to you one more time. Days have passed and as much as I have forced myself not to reach out to you, I wish I knew how. My mind is in constant state of motion due to constantly thinking about all of the things I should have said to you but I couldn’t find the right words. Of course it’s too late now though, right?

Crazy how this much can change in over a year, but not a night has gone by that you haven’t crossed my mind. I still sit in a crowded room, 10 shots deep, stuck with the thought of you and what we had. Not even endless pills I swallowed down trying to forget. It hurts how fast it was all taken away. But I can’t blame you for leaving, I was a walking disaster waiting to happen and you knew that from the start. I can’t give you enough credit for giving the chance to show me what I wasn’t incapable of, that was loving you.

But I guess when I thought I let you go months ago, I really didn’t. Although it was what you wanted, I tried convincing myself for so long it wasn’t true. Fate doesn’t really cross my mind as much anymore now that you’re much happier with her. I’m happy that you could find the happiness you deserved in such little time. Nothing breaks my heart more than the thought of how badly I failed on keeping your happiness from being temporary. Things are much more different now and you probably have no idea. I haven’t been the same since January. Back to my old habits like I’d knew would happen. Now all I have left is endless conversations with myself about what I could have done to still be yours.

—  LRS // I’ll always love you, but i think these are my final words
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