“Anything new? Let’s see, well… Facebook went public and Edward Snowden went private. Kim and Kanye had a baby, so now there’s another Kardashian to not keep up with. Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in, and a teacher in California’s out for letting her students get it in. Justin Bieber got a hit and run, Chris Brown got a hit and run, Rihanna got hit and still didn’t run. Oprah gave Lindsey $2 million. Cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer. Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere another excuse not to do that. Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier, and the NSA checks our phones like a crazy ex-girlfriend. Oh, and Texas hates women, Florida hates blacks, and everyone hates everything with the exception of Angelina Jolie who is totally awesome.”
Why don’t you just go to LA to be with Randy? -I can’t go to LA. I mean, there’s too much stuff here, they don’t have there. Like.. The Statue of Liberty. You know she’s my girl. Plus, where would I find weed in California? I mean, the list goes on and on.