100 days. 

It’s been 100 days since you walked away from me. It’s been 100 nights that i’ve gone to bed without you and 100 mornings that i’ve woken up only to leave you in my dreams. It’s been 100 days of missed holidays, smiles, tears, laughs, fun times, bad times, and hard times. It’s been 100 days of wishing you were here. 100 days of holding my breath that you’ll come back to me unharmed. 100 days of yearning for you. 100 days trying to speed up time. 

It’s 100 days until I’ll see you walking towards me. 100 days closer to falling asleep in your arms and 100 days closer to waking up there too. 100 days closer until dreams become realities. 100 days closer to shared memories. 100 days closer to my wish coming true. 100 days closer until I can finally breathe again. 

It’s been 100 days. 

I have never wanted anyone more than I want you. I have never loved anyone more than I love you. You are my best friend. The perfect match to my soul. The moment I met you, I knew. I will never forget that feeling. You were standing there and a sense of calm just came over me and I knew, right then, that you were it. My heart was telling, no screaming, to me that we had finally found you. That everything that had ever happened before was erased and that life as we knew it no longer existed. Our forever started at that moment, the moment my heart found you. 

I love you. Come home soon. 

As this deployment begins to wrap up and the last few weeks trickle on by i’ve found myself reflecting often on what occurred this past year. So much has gone on aside from heartache and constantly missing my husband. Yes, there were more nights than i’d like to admit that were spent curled in a ball, more times that I spent on my knees praying for his safe return than anyone will ever realize. 

But now, with the end quickly approaching, i’m really beginning to see  the beautiful gifts that this deployment will be leaving with us to take on to the next chapter of our lives. As an individual I can confidently say that I have become a stronger, smarter, more resourceful, more independent wife. I know that God gave this journey to us as a blessing not a punishment. The Lord took this opportunity to morph myself and my husband into the wife and husband that He needed us to be. A couple that appreciates each other. A couple that fights for each other. A couple that can bear a heavy load and still maintain the Lord’s love and a smile. 

This deployment has given us so much. I can no longer say that even though i’m ready for it to end, I hate it. In truth, I think that we’ll look back fondly of this past year. 

When my husband first left I wrote a blog about how deployment teaches and how all you needed to do was listen. That was months ago and I honestly thought at that point I had a grasp on it but standing here today looking back I really see how wonderful an experience this truly has been. 

Thank you Deployment. Thank you. 

To my husband:

I love you more than words could ever express. The ways you have touched my life, my heart and my soul are more than I can begin to count. Every breath that I have taken since you came into my world has filled my heart with more and more love, opened my eyes to bigger and more beautiful dreams and held my essence in such a way that only God intended for those souls he made to be perfect pairs. Over this past year, I have learned more about myself, the world and how deep my faith truly runs inside of me because of you. Every time you took my hand, caught my gaze or simply smiled at me my soul reflected the most beautiful vision of love that I have ever experienced. A love that God sits up in Heaven, looks down and says “this is my promise fulfilled." 

I wasn’t consciously looking for you when I found you but then again I know that’s just one of the many wonderful reminders of how true and pure this friendship and love we share is. The fact that our hearts found their way to one another, though we were on our own separate journeys, and connected in the way they did is a beautiful reminder of the gift that we have been given. 

This year has brought so many beautiful lessons into our world, lessons that I wouldn’t trade for anything and although my heart has missed you physically you better believe that whenever I close my eyes or find myself in the silence of a moment I can feel you, right here next to me, with your hand on my heart, reminding me of your immense love for me and that’s all I need to bring a smile to my face, even in the darkest of nights or most beautiful of moments.

You will always hold my heart, my whole heart for my whole life. 

I love you, always. 

I love you more today than the day I met you. I love you more today than the day I said I would marry you or the day I actually did. Even through the distance, the war, the stress, the hardships, the points where we had absolutely no clue what we were doing, my love for you was growing. You make me feel more than I ever thought I could. I am so thankful for you. I miss you like crazy and with the number of days I have to go to bed without you and mornings I don’t get to see your smiling face dwindling down I want you to know how thankful I am that you’re coming home to me. You’re my best friend and even thorugh every moment I breathe as your wife is the best moment of my life, I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful and emotionally entoxicating it’s going to be to feel your arms wrap around me again. I love you. 

As my days in the Navy are dwindling down I find myself thinking back about all these years. It still humbles me to see how well we’ve done through all the mil-to-mil obstacles and challenges we’ve faced. I’m excited and ready for this next chapter in our lives to start and even though my husband is remaining in the Army and I’m getting ready to finally take on the role of a spouse and not some hybrid military wife/Sailor, I couldn’t be happier to step into these new shoes.