milso struggle

I want all military girlfriends and boyfriends to know that you are under no obligation to marry your soldier during the time that they serve! From personal experience I have found that there is a lot of peer pressure among soldiers to get married.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over three years, and he is continuously laughed at and pressured to get married. Other soldiers tell him “if she doesn’t want to marry you it isn’t worth it”. It isn’t that I don’t want to marry him! I am only 20 years old and I have not yet finished college. I am in no rush to get married any time soon! Both my boyfriend and I feel that way!

I want every other partner of a soldier to know that you do not need to rush, you are under no obligation to marry your soldier. Unless you are ready for it then don’t rush into it! Don’t let the peer pressure get to you! Take your time!

I Miss You

Tonight has been one of those nights - you know, the ones where you desperately miss your boyfriend and wish he wasn’t deployed for the next 8 months. Yes, THOSE. I’ve been listening to sad songs all night and been on the verge of tears for most of it. I’ve sent him a bunch of lame gushy texts that he’ll hopefully appreciate when he wakes up. I just can’t shake this feeling that there’s a giant hole in my heart and nothing will be able to fill it until he gets back. It’s amazing how you can be surrounded by so many people and still feel as lonely as ever. I try not to complain, but it physically hurts to go to bed without him every night. I miss him so much :((

(If anyone has any tips on how to deal with nights like these pls let me know)

CRAVE

I need you and not in a sexual way in a way that I need your presence. I wanna feel your warmth, your breath on my neck, your fingertips gently floating across my skin, you kissing behind my ear, and whispering how much I mean to you in the darkness. I just simply crave you. I hope you sleep well and all the bad things that kept you awake are replaced by thoughts of me. Smile when you wake and keep that smile even when it’s hard because everything is better with a smile. I adore you forever and always my love.

. “Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful; it’s for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love.”

Meghan Daum

A few words of wisdom

One thing I have learned thus far during this deployment is that all emotions are heightened and they are more likely than EVER to put a strain on your relationship.

We’ve already had several petty arguments, ones that completely did NOT need to happen, but did because we’re both stressed to the max. Hopefully I’m not the only one this has happened to, but regardless I am quickly learning to just approach all things with love and positivity and try my best not to complain.

He’s being worked to death, has long hours, and isn’t sleeping as much as he should (thx army) and by the time he’s actually got some free time to talk to me he’s annoyed, exhausted, and extremely irritable. I can’t blame him though, and I feel terrible that I can’t do more to help but I think at this point it’s best to just be the ray of sunshine on his otherwise gloomy days.

The moral of the story here is: if you tend to get into arguments about small things, or things related to deployment/military life and the problems it poses - don’t. Just don’t even go there. It’ll make things so much more difficult and take away from the little time you actually get to talk to your soldier. Take it from me. Always resolve any issues quickly, otherwise they’re just gonna eat up your time and tear you both down. Never leave each other on a bad note!! This is SO important, it’s one of the rules we always make sure to follow. Arguments are bound to happen, especially in a military relationship, but as long as you both are able to discuss them in a civil manner and move on you will be fine. And finally, always make sure to remind your soldier how much you love and appreciate them. More than you realize, your love and affection is a huge motivator for them.

Remember, distance is just a test to see how far love can travel ❤

anonymous asked:

What should the new army girlfriend expect? I've been reading up on all these articles and stuff but in your opinion what's the best things to know.

What’s the best thing to know for a new military girlfriend. Hmm well I get similar questions like this all the time: what should you expect, what should you know. I never know completely how to handle them because I want to have a positive outlook on it but I can’t really tell you what to know without saying the negatives. But I’ll give it a try.

For those of you who have partners in basic combat training then I want you to know he or she will not come back the exact same as how they left. They will still love and care for you but soldiers develop a new way of showing it. In BCT the military teaches soldiers to have no empathy, emotions are weakness. They are also taught that nobody loves or cares about them. They forced to sit in a classroom and watch videos drilling into their heads about how no one will ever love them and their partner is either using them for money or is going to leave. Yes, I do realize how bad it is, and for a long time I was blind to it because I didn’t want to realize what the military taught them. Like I said before they are still going to come back loving you, but they may have a difficult time showing it, there may be this worry or fear about losing you they don’t want to show. And that is where the change comes from, it comes from the fear of losing the person they love. The soldier you love and care for so deeply is still there, you just need to give them time to defrost. Basically you need to have the patience for them to warm back up. In order to help them you need to continuously show you care, continue to say how proud you are, how much you love them. The military drilled into their head they are incapable of being loved, it’s your job to drill back into their heads that you do love them.

They will use different language, at least until they get used to talking to a civilian again. For nearly three months they talked primarily in military terms, so get used to hearing them use a word or two here and there. This will fade in a few weeks but just be ready for a couple weeks of these words. A couple popular words used in the army include:
Tracking: understand
Mikes: minutes
Reupped: like it.

There will be a few stupid jobs that soldiers do and you’ll be thinking wtf? So be ready to hear from your soldier that they had to rake the snow, mop the grass or dry the mud. If your soldier says he spent his day doing something silly like that, he really does mean it.

Be ready for training. After basics comes AIT. They will be trained specifically for their section in the military. It’ll involve a lot of book and class work. They’ll have a lot of homework to complete in one night. But that won’t last forever, finally they will finish AIT and become a full fledged working private. Which means…. you guessed it. A ton of training. It won’t happen all the time, but there will be times when they have week long trainings in the field (which they refer to simply as “field”) this is where they will go into the middle of no where and go through battle simulations. For those of you who have soldiers in the army artillery (like mine!) then be ready for him to have training for about a month, artillery is the first to arrive and the last to leave. Sometimes your soldier will be allowed their phone and other times they won’t.

Mostly I have covered everything about what will happen within the military. Now let me tell you what to expect for feelings: loneliness, agonizing fear, relief and yes happiness.

There are going to be times when you are so lonely, when at that moment all you want is to be in your soldiers arms but you can’t because he isn’t there. You beg for his comfort and reassurance but he’s still in basic training and can’t talk yet. But I will tell you this, the loneliness will pass. Let yourself cry, if you want him but can’t talk to him allow yourself the chance to cry. Know that he is missing you too and he is just as lonely without you.

As for fear it seems very straightforward. I find myself watching or listening to the news and every time I hear that the government announcement they are deploying more soldiers I pray to God that my boyfriend or one of his friends isn’t among them. Every time my boyfriend says we need to talk I am always so terrified that he’ll tell me he’s being deployed.

Relief, every day you’ll feel relief when he comes home happy and healthy and safely. You’ll love the feeling of when you get to pull his face up on video chat and see how much he’s smiling. You’ll feel relieved when you get a message from him through out the day. And from this relief will come happiness. So much happiness every time you hear the words I love you. Every time you guys get to goof off and act like a mainstream civilian couple you will feel so happy. Your soldier is there to make you happy. They will be so scared that they can’t give you everything you want and need. They only want to make you happy, because they love you so much. So if they do something that makes you happy then tell them. Be sure to let them know.

Be aware of your soldiers coping mechanisms. The typical three ways that soldiers deal with stress and trauma are through substance use. They can often turn to smoking, drinking or sex. Personally, my soldier turns to drinking, and I at times in the past had a hard time accepting the fact that he needed to go out and drink with his buddies when he was only eighteen. But I came to realize that this is how he copes with seeing and learning everything he does in his job. He never drinks to the point he is drunk but after a really horrible field training or stressful class he will have a drink or two. Now this isn’t for everyone, but be aware that like in high school peer pressure is all around them. There are other soldiers laughing at them and pressuring them to take the beer can. Like I said this isn’t for everyone, some soldiers do find other ways to deal with the stress! And you can help with that, when you boyfriend is having a bad day find ways you can cheer him up.

You are family. Although the military counts you as nothing and if you want any info during training then you better expect to get close to his parents, they will know the info and be able to inform you. Anyways no matter what the military says, to your soldier you are family. You will also be family in the eyes of your soldiers friends. His friends will soon become your friends. And honestly soldiers are the loyalist friend you can have. They will see you as their buddies wife, even if you aren’t yet. They will have your back. Dozens of times I’ve messaged my boyfriends buddy to find out what was going on with my bf, and they’ll tell you. They’ll inform you that work has been really bad, that they’re really busy or anything like that. You’ll have not just his friends but other military significant others. Military girls have a whole community, and they are very supportive. If anyone ever needs someone to talk about anything, nothing is too personal, message me or message another milso. We have been there too, so we understand and we will have your back no matter what. You will have a family with the military.

Now I feel like I listed some really negative aspects to the life of being a military significant other. And I can not stress this enough, it isn’t bad. It can be one of the most rewarding and loving relationships you’ve ever experienced in your life. If there’s one thing I learned about soldiers is that if they love, then they love hard. With each training exercise they face it’ll be you that they think of to push them through that extra mile. When they are facing a long stressful day it’s you they want to go home to. They will love you till the bitter end.

You are their support system. You are the one who has their back no matter who else leaves them. You are their safe base. You are their secret keeper. You are their best friend. You are their cheerleader. You are their smile. You are their heart. You are their strength. You are their pride. You are their joy. You are their dream. You are their reality. You are everything to these soldiers. No matter how hard things get, no matter what is thrown your way, always remember who you are and what you mean to them.

Does anyone else feel really bad when they complain to their S.O.??? I was complaining to him about the weather earlier and I couldn’t help but feel like a whiny bitch because everything I complain about is just a minor inconvenience to him. It seems for every 1 problem I have, he has 10 and I always feel like he’s judging me whenever I complain about such trivial things. He assures me he’s not and that I’m allowed to complain, but when considering his current situation I just feel like I don’t deserve to…