I’ve started making salted caramel brownies a lot. Like, A LOT. These usually sell out within hours of cooling enough to be put out for consumption and if I didn’t like making them so much I would scream “ENOUGH! NO MORE! I CANNOT KEEP MAKING THESE SO QUICKLY! I KNOW I AM REALLY EXCELLENT AT MAKING THEM BUT I NEED A BREAK!” but luckily for my customers I am a very nice girl and like it when people ask me to marry them after they eat one. 

For the brownies:

175g softened unsalted butter
200g light brown soft sugar
225g golden caster sugar
350g dark chocolate
4 free range eggs
300g sifted self raising flour

For the salted caramel topping:

50g unsalted butter
250g light brown soft sugar
50ml milk
4 teaspoons coarse ground sea salt

Preheat your oven to 180 degrees celsius. Line a deep rectangular 32cm (or thereabouts) baking tin with baking paper. Try to make sure that the tin has sides that are not slanty because otherwise you’ll have weird edges to your brownies. 

Start by softening your butter in the microwave if you haven’t already softened it. I usually advise people to remember to take all of your cold ingredients out of the fridge for at least an hour before you start baking, but I usually always forget this because I prefer to keep more important things in my mind, like the Kevin G rap from Mean Girls and how many bags of doritos I can eat and still be within my daily calorie limit. 

With a handheld electric mixer or a wooden spoon, cream together the butter and sugars until they form a smooth paste. Add the eggs one at a time, then melt the dark chocolate in the microwave. You’ll need to do this very carefully because chocolate has a tendency to burn and go irreversibly solid. Check the chocolate every twenty seconds and give it a stir to avoid this.

Add the melted chocolate and mix until it’s all combined and even in colour. Carefully fold in the flour, then empty into your tin and spread it out evenly. Bake in the centre of your preheated oven for 45 minutes.

As soon as you take out the brownies, you’ll need to start making the salted caramel. Using a thick bottomed pan, heat the milk, sugar and butter until little bubbles start to form. Gradually add the sea salt, tasting the caramel each time you add some. Apparently there is a difference between the caramel being saltY and saltED. I think saltED means that you can just about taste the salt, and saltY makes your tongue shrivel up. 

Cover the brownies with the salted caramel, then leave to set in the fridge for a minimum of three hours. Slice into squares, fling open your windows and scream “COME AND LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE MADE! EVERYONE COME AND SEE HOW EXCELLENT I AM!” and the people will come round and eat your brownies and they’ll ask you to marry them. Maybe not quite that intense but these brownies played a key part in me actually getting a boyfriend after I thought I’d have to make salted caramel with my tears of loneliness for the rest of my life.

the best almond & coconut hot chocolate 

from our nutritionist, Jess. 

“This is the most perfect beverage for cosying up on the sofa with on a cold winter’s day or as a post long walk treat at the weekend or as a dessert huddled round the kitchen table. 

If you’ve ever been to Spain and enjoyed churros dunked in warm hot chocolate, then this hot chocolate recipe will remind you of this, though it’s a much healthier experience! It’s hard to believe there’s no cream in this silky smooth drink and it’s all down to the almond and coconut milk.”

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Best Cake Ever

The is the best fucking cake you’ve ever had and you’ll never want to eat cake again afterwards because it won’t be as good as this. It takes some skill, but practice and do what you can.

Also, don’t eat this if you have diabetes or something. That’s not even a joke, just look at the recipe. Don’t hurt yourself with food.


  • 2 bars unsweetened baker’s chocolate
  • 1 cup AP flower, divided
  • 2/3 cup whole milk
  • 4 eggs
  • 1.5 cups granulated sugar
  • 1-2 bags milk chocolate chips
  • ½ teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 stick unsalted butter
  • 1/3 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 drop salt
  • 2 packages cream cheese
  • ¾ cup powdered sugar
  • Cool whip for filler (regular or vanilla)

1. Preheat oven to 350 F.

2. Line 15x10x1 inch baking pan with parchment paper and spray with non-stick cooking splooge. Any large pan with similar dimensions works, and a slightly smaller pan to make a thicker cake might be better for your first try.

3. Microwave baker’s chocolate and butter in a large bowl and cream together until completely melted. Add sugar and mix until combined.

4. Resist the urge to quit and start eating straight sugar, butter, and chocolate.

5. Beat eggs in a separate bowl until thickened and add to other bowl. Add salt and vanilla

6. Add ¼ cup flower and baking soda and beat until just blended. Add alternating amounts of flower and milk until all is combined. Mix in chocolate chips and spread evenly on the prepared baking pan.

7. Bake ~15 minutes and until the top of the cake springs back when touched. Removed from oven and spread ¼ cup powdered sugar on the surface. Invert cake onto a clean towel sitting on a flat surface. Peel off paper (chocolate chips may be stuck to the paper, so removed them and plug the holes/eat them). Starting at one end, roll up the cake and towel together until a cylinder is formed. Cool on wire rack.

8. While cake cools, beat together cream cheese and remaining powdered sugar until well blended with no lumps. Add cool whip for filler as needed.

9. When completely cool, carefully unroll cake and spread cream cheese mixture onto the top until it is completely and evenly coated. Roll cake without the towel and place with the seam down on a long platter. The cake may crack or even fall apart during or before this stage, and it tastes exactly the same regardless.

There’s a glaze to go with it, but the cake itself is sweet enough as it is and the powdered sugar on the outside makes a pretty good glaze on its own as it melts. If you want to make it, melt some cool whip with about two or three squares of baker’s chocolate, mix it together and let it cool, then spread on the outside of the cake.

Refrigerate when done. If you’re looking for appearance, cutting the ends off tidies it up some and lets you try some without compromising the look of the dish. Practice this several times to get good at rolling and remember that it doesn’t matter if it falls apart, since it all tastes the same no matter what.