military story

I miss you more on rainy days. Drops echoing inside my empty soul. I never realize exactly how lonely I am until the rain begins to fall. Cloudy, dark skies reminding me exactly how my life is without you. I wish you were here- to fall asleep to the sound of pouring rain together.
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it gets harder, not easier. each goodbye is one more stab at the heart and I have to constantly repeat to myself “this is only temporary.” how many more goodbyes do we have to say before we can live at peace? how many more lonely nights do we have to sleep through to finally be able to fall asleep wrapped in each others arms? it’s difficult living in this constant fear that one day you will forget me, one day you might not return, and finally when you do return there can be a call any minute thay can once again separate us. but we are worth it. we are worth the wait. we are worth the daily struggle because our love is strong enough to conquer this. this is not permanent and eventually we will get our happy ending. the distance will not destroy us.
Diary of a Black Male: Entry #46

I met this girl at work a few of months back. I thought she was cute so I gave her my number, but I told her we would talk business. Her name is Melanie– short, brown skin– one of those delta sorority sisters who sounds mad country. She wanted to work on this piece with me– at least that’s what she made it seems like. She wanted to do a spoken word visual about growing up in poverty as black people. I thought she had a great vision. I let her know that it was a really good idea. I was kind of excited to be honest. She called me that same night to talked about it and everything sounded like a go.

We made arrangements to meet up to actually discuss this vision. We sat down and thought about different ways to portray the different ideas. We had gone through a lot in our short time on this earth. We came from different backgrounds, so she never saw the things that I saw. She told me I introduced her to a new world. She told me she liked that about me. I wasn’t sure if it was the compliment or not but at that moment I felt some real ass chemistry. Before you know it we started to share some personal thing about our life. She told me she appreciated how open and transparent I was. Things had got really deep.

Maybe a little too deep, I could tell it had gotten a little overwhelming so I asked if she wanted to go for a walk. She agreed and we went outside and just start walking. It felt great. I love nature. I love everything about it. It kind of helps me feel free. I could tell she felt a little better herself. Finally, we had a seat on the bench that was right outside this coffee shop. She told me that she was glad she ran into me when she did. She told me I seemed like a great guy and she could the two of us becoming really great friends. I agreed. I definitely saw that too.

I cannot lie. That shit made my dick tremble a little bit. Don’t ask me how or why– just know that it did. I made the suggestion to link up again some other time. I told her we would have fun and the next time we link up we didn’t have to talk about the heavy shit. After that we kind of said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. Later on that night she thanked me for listening to her. She told me she has always had so much to say but no one to really say it to. She told me that was the reason why she wrote– to say the things she couldn’t say to anyone else. Ironically, that was kind of the reason why I started to write. I used to write just to clear my mind. I wrote anything from poems to essays– outside of university work to journal entries.

The more she revealed about herself the stronger my attraction towards her became. Sometimes when she would speak I could just hear the passion in her voice. It was the sexiest thing ever. She made my dick tremble quite often and didn’t have to be talking about sex. Bruh, she told me a story about how she had to go off on her co worker– I swear I couldn’t help myself. That shit was sexy af. She just started going in and I could hear myself saying, “damn, I love you” I was thinking to myself, “this chick might be wifey.”

Over the span of couple months we had gotten really close. Sometimes when she came over she would spend then night. We had gotten really close. I felt like it was about that time to take our relationship to the next level. I felt like I could be myself with her and I felt that wholeheartedly. We had already gone on a number of dates. There was no reason why we weren’t already a couple. I had been thinking about it for weeks. I had even called my best friend to ask for his opinion. He gave me his blessings and that was all I needed. I trusted his word. He always had my best interest at heart.

That night I called her and asked her if she could meet me at the coffee shop. The coffee shop was the symbol of our relationship. It symbolized the pinnacle of our growth. It was apart of our history. We met there often to talk about our project ideas and to talk about life. That coffee shop meant a lot to our relationship and I wanted it to continue to be apart of us.

That night I told her to meet at the coffee shop so we could talk about this idea I had. It had been awhile since we actually sat down and talk about our ideas. My ideas often came to me while I was laying in bed. I would usually write them down before I go to sleep. We called each other every night before bed. I guess that’s why I’ve been thinking about her so much lately. I didn’t think about much of anything at night other than spending time with her. I guess you can tell how much I really liked her.

She called me to let me know she was close. I had already ordered some tea and sat on the outside. Before she got off the phone she told me that she had something to tell me. I had no idea what she had to say but it made me nervous. I was already been kind of nervous to finally ask her out despite being so close but it added to my anxieties. All types of things started to go through my head. I called my boy back real quick to calm my nerves but as soon as he answered the phone I could see Melanie pulling up.

I told him I’ll call him back and greeted Melanie. She smiled and gave me hug as usual. Everything seemed to be fine and my nerves seemed to have calm down. She asked me about the ideas I had. I kind of wanted to know what she had to say to me before I got into why I asked her to come out. I just told her away. I told her about a few project ideas for this short film I wanted to do. I wanted to document black hair and what our hair means to our identity. I wanted to focus on standard of beauty and natural hair for both men and women. There were some other things I wanted to discuss but I was too anxious to find out what she wanted to say to me.

She started to mention the weather and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. She knew I loved shit like that. I thought it was going to have one of those romantic moments you read about in story books. After awhile my anxiety dissipated and I was actually feeling pretty good about everything. While we were walking she grabbed and held my hand. She told me that she really like me and maybe even loved me. I was excited and a little relieved but I also had butterflies in my stomach. I could only smile despite the discomfort.

She mentioned her ex. She told me she wanted to tell me something and it had to do with him. I could feel myself getting sick to my stomach. My anxieties were going through the roof at this point. I stopped walking. I stood there and waited for her say something disappointing. I just had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me I wasn’t going to like what she had to say. Then she looked over to me and said “my ex is actually my husband” I just looked at her in disbelief. Apparently they hadn’t gotten a divorce but they were just separated– legally at least.

He had been overseas for six months on a mission. She said that he was coming back and that he was going to kick her out the house they had together. She told me they had some type of agreement but that didn’t matter to. She lied to me. She was never really honest with me. This entire time I thought I had really found someone to me. I thought I finally found someone. There was not enough unconditional love that would make me forgive her so easily. I couldn’t believe I let this happen to me.

She had a whole ass husband. A whole ass military nigga. I got so sick that I actually puked. I had to leave. I had to get away from the situation. I didn’t know what else to do. She could have told me about this. I don’t know why she hadn’t told me this to behind with. There had been so many opportunities for her to tell me about this but she waited until the moment I thought she couldn’t do any wrong.

She told me that she had more to say but I couldn’t take it. I didn’t want to hear it. I just went home. I didn’t even call my boy. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. She had been hitting me up that entire night but I refused to answer. I just put on some Jazz music and internalized everything gotdamn thing that has ever happened in my entire life up until that point until I just fell asleep of exhaustion.

I felt so empty and incomplete but I also had this heaviness about myself. I didn’t want to talk to her but I knew I wouldn’t feel better until I found out what else she had to say. I shut myself out from the world for a couple days. I just hadn’t been feeling like myself. I hadn’t returned any of her calls and to be honest it was eating me alive. I needed something to help me take my mind off of Melanie. I thought if I invited another woman over that she would help me take my mind off of things. I thought she would make me feel good– make me feel like myself again.

I called Jasmine. We used to mess around from time to time. I hadn’t seen her in awhile. I ask her if she wanted drop after she got home from work. That usually meant she would come through for sex. I thought that was something I needed but when she got there I just wasn’t feeling it. I could barely function let alone entertain a woman while the entire time I was thinking about someone else. I didn’t make me feel any better. I actually felt worse. I thought she would be fun. I thought she would’ve brought me out of that shitty mood I was in but all she really wanted to do was to have sex. I guess I got what I was asking for.

I had been too detached to do anything remotely close to sex and Jasmine didn’t like it. She had gotten really upset so I just asked her to leave. While escorting her out Melanie pulled up.

But it’s all I have. This hope. Hope that you will come back, hope that you won’t forget me, hope that when I look at my phone I’ll see a text from you or receive a call. I have to have hope. I’ll go crazy if I don’t. How I hope that when I wake up in the morning you’ll be there to surprise me. I hope that while I’m working, you will show up with flowers in your hand. Hope Hope Hope. It’s all I have. I hope you are safe. I hope you are well, and I hope that wherever you are, the night is being kind to you.
Distance can make you feel all different types of emotions. I don’t think i ever felt so hurt yet so numb at the same time. I can be emotionless and distant in the morning and by night time I’m crying myself to sleep from missing him so much. I’m tired, tired all the time. Tired from being away from him, tired from missing him, tired from staying up late at night, tired from constantly worrying about him, tired from this loneliness, tired of feeling hot and cold about this whole situation. I’m with him but it’s as if I’m not with him,.i have him but it feels like I don’t. It’s kind of sad when you get use to it, use to not having that person around, use to not talking to them for days and finally when you think you are used to walking around like an empty shell, you get to see them, and they spark everything up 10x more then before and the world is no longer gray but different shades of colors..but once again you are forced to say goodbye and this time the pain is far more worse than it was last time. But you know in the end it’s worth it. Everything you’ve been through for them, is worth it.
The story of how my mom was accidentally racist

So my dad’s an officer in the military, and that pretty much means my dad goes to work for the Air Force and my mom goes to work for the people of the Air Force. It’s pretty much a given that the spouses of the servicemen and servicewomen get involved on base in programs that help out the lower ranking military families.

So my mom is at the general’s house with a bunch of other spouses, where the general and his wife are hosting a thank-you lunch for all the work the spouses do. 

Now the general has to host a ton of kinda huge events at his house, so he has a staff on hand to help out in the kitchen, cater the food, etc. So he’s sitting at this table with my mom and a bunch of other wives of servicemen, and my mom’s friend starts talking about her new Kitchen Aid–you know, the little mixers that come in all the fun colors to match your kitchen.

And my mom, skilled in the art of small talk, keeps the conversation going by responding brightly, “Oh how lovely! What color did you get?”

At this the general, who has a completely different definition of “kitchen aid”, goes red and gives my mom a wide-eyed stare. My mom and the other ladies are confused, but continue with their conversation. 

It wasn’t until the car ride home that my mom finally pieced it all together.

I need you. I don’t think you realize just exactly how much I need you, or perhaps you do but there is nothing that we can really do about it. I think that’s the hardest part of all, knowing that truly there is nothing we can do but carry on through our days hoping that this time will pass by quickly. I’m longing for the day that I can be back in your arms, where this distance wont be an issue, where there is no fear of you leaving once again. I don’t want to tell you how many times I have fallen asleep crying because I don’t want to make you feel bad, or worse than how you feel now. All I can do for you right now is support you and remind you every single day how proud I am of you and how much I love you. You have me always and I will be right here waiting for your return.
I was falling, face first, from 50,000 meters.

My target landing zone was a city that was controlled by the most powerful clan on Sauros. I couldn’t hear anything except the sound of air rushing past me. My radio clicked on: “All Lehm-2 victors, all Lehm-2 Victors, this is Lehm Main. Be advised, the enemy is deploying high-altitude anti-personnel nano-machines. I say again, the Tak'fir tribe is utilizing White Gas. Echo Company reports incoming HAAP fire as well. Consolidate all forces to push for objective rally point Bravo. Main priority has shifted. We’re taking out those guns.”

40,000 meters.
We got into a V formation, which placed me in the very back on the left side. This formation is perfect for defensive jumping, or so my instructors taught me. Basically, wherever the squad leader at the tip goes, everyone else follows. The orange haze of the dusty atmosphere began to take up our vision.

28,000 meters.
We hadn’t encountered anything yet, and the falling seemed to drag on forever. After a few seconds of freefall, however, a white speck began to fade in, and then it was right on top of us. Noviso guided us to the left. We all cleared it, except Lii'Lii, at the other end of the V. His bloody scream filled our radio and I watched as the tiny robots tore him apart molecule by molecule. Parts of his armor began to fall off him, then clothing and skin. His arm came off, followed by a few feet of intestine. Before I knew it, the partially muscled skeleton that was once Lii'Lii broke rank and fell into the swirling orange vortex.

16,000 meters.
We cleared three more clouds without incident. A fourth came up. We veered right, and as soon as we passed it we took incoming fire from the ground. Noviso swerved us left and right but to no effect. The deadly tracer rounds were trailing close behind. Noviso ordered us to disperse, just as I started to feel rounds fly past my legs and head. We broke formation and all went separate directions. Below me, my team leader, Ardnt, was wildly trying not to get hit.
“Help! Help me!” he shouted, before getting ripped in two by the enemy fire. His torso flew past me, and as I looked into his rolled up eyes, his neon-red blood splashed my visor, temporarily blinding me.

5,000 meters.
I was finally safe from the AP fire but I was coming in too fast and my squad was scattered over an area of 5 kilometers. I deployed my chute as soon as I could. When it caught, it jerked me back, dislocating my right shoulder. When I landed, there was a loud crack!  and a dull pain shot through my left leg. My suit’s medical system activated and began to address the damage done to my leg. I had shattered my femur, sprained my knee, and broke my ankle as well as a couple bones in my foot. I sat up and let my suit fix me up. I noticed the tall, dilapidated buildings that looked like the remnants of a nuclear war. The light sandstorm didn’t help visibility too much. Paranoia had set in and I thought that in any second an enemy sniper would put a bullet in my head.

The pain in my leg made everything go fuzzy. I couldn’t breathe and the storm brought visibility down to zero. I dragged myself to the closest alleyway and found as much cover and concealment as possible. My eyelids felt heavy and fatigue washed over my body. I finally succumbed to my weariness and passed out. I awoke several hours later in a daze. My leg was numbed but the pain was gone and I had full range of motion. The storm had faded but the air was still heavy with dust. With a heavy head and nauseous stomach, I got up and made my way to the road. Tracer fire and aircraft filled the sky. The parachutes of my fellow shock-drop troopers still fell from above. The sounds of war continued all around me. The battle for the city was in full swing.

anonymous asked:

Write about a couple having to wait 2 years to be able to be happy with one another

It’s been 4 years.
That’s the amount of time we’ve been together.
It’s been five months.
I’ve written him a few times, I’ve only gotten two letters back.
It’ll be two years.
I’ll have changed immensely, but he will have also.
Hundreds of men.
That’s how many people he’s probably seen die.

It’ll be two years until the next time I get to see him, until the next time I get to hold him, until the next time I get to kiss those beautiful lips of his. It’s something I’ve dreamed of constantly. My baby, he’s in the military. He’s been gone for five months. But it’ll all be worth it, when I get to hug in those few minutes after he gets back. It’ll all be worth it, because he’s my true love and I am his.

Two years.
That’s how long I have to wait until I get to feel my heart beating again.

I hope you’re looking at the stars and you feel my presence there with you. I have no idea where you are, where you are heading and I can only hope that wherever the sea is dragging you, you are safe and okay. It’s been far too long since I heard your voice. It’s been far too long since that last time I heard you laugh, seen your smile, and looked into the mountains contained in your eyes. I wonder if you think of me too. Last time we spoke you said it was my thought that would keep you at peace. I can only hope I keep bring you that peace. Know that wherever you are, it is you that keeps me going, your thought that gives me strength to wake up in the morning, your love that keeps me sane. I’ll be here, waiting, always for your return…
As everyday passes I feel as though you drift further and further from me. I’m forgetting your voice, your infectious smile, the way you pronounced your words. Darling please come back to me soon, you’re the only thing in the earth I don’t want to forget.
—  m.r.s//you won’t come back to me anymore 11:52 pm