military couple

I fell in love with you because you weren’t like anyone else, and you didn’t try to be. Do not think for one moment that you’ll disappoint me. I will love you no matter what.
You know what really just pisses me off?
When he doesn’t reply to my text messages.
I know I sound crazy right now and I know it shouldn’t piss me off.
But it’d be nice if he was busy or not in the mood to talk, to just tell me so rather than ignoring me.
And when he doesn’t reply to me (after replying to me constantly for an hour or so) I get this stupid insecure feeling that someone else is holding his attention, some other girl.
Why am I so insecure?
Why do I get this stupid feeling, every time he doesn’t reply to me, that he’s going to leave me?
Fuck. This.

We’re on the phone right now and you’re sleeping cause you’ve probably had a long day. We exchanged a few sentences, we talked and its all I’ve really wanted to do all day and I did but I want more. All I keep thinking of is when you were at basic and I would do anything to hear you even if it was a few sentences and then sleep. I feel greedy for wanting more sometimes. These past few days have been hard though. We haven’t really been talking cause you’ve been busy with work and all I wanna do is hear you ramble on about anything. I really miss you.

Sometimes I miss you more than I love you. And if I close my eyes and think hard enough, you’re right there next to me. Smiling that goofy smile that I love so freakin much. And then i can hear your voice promising me we’re going to be okay. And I believe it, even with tears in my eyes, I believe you.

it gets harder, not easier. each goodbye is one more stab at the heart and I have to constantly repeat to myself “this is only temporary.” how many more goodbyes do we have to say before we can live at peace? how many more lonely nights do we have to sleep through to finally be able to fall asleep wrapped in each others arms? it’s difficult living in this constant fear that one day you will forget me, one day you might not return, and finally when you do return there can be a call any minute thay can once again separate us. but we are worth it. we are worth the wait. we are worth the daily struggle because our love is strong enough to conquer this. this is not permanent and eventually we will get our happy ending. the distance will not destroy us.

I really do think of you at 2pm when I’m busy running errands. I think of you as soon as I wake up. Because I’m already wishing for you. I think of you at 8pm when I’m off at a dinner or a movie with my family. I think of you at 1am when all I can think of is how you smell. Thinking about how I love your laugh, and how I wish with everything I am that we were in the same bed kissing goodnight.
“I wish you were here. But you’re not you’re there, and there doesn’t know how lucky it is.”

But it’s all I have. This hope. Hope that you will come back, hope that you won’t forget me, hope that when I look at my phone I’ll see a text from you or receive a call. I have to have hope. I’ll go crazy if I don’t. How I hope that when I wake up in the morning you’ll be there to surprise me. I hope that while I’m working, you will show up with flowers in your hand. Hope Hope Hope. It’s all I have. I hope you are safe. I hope you are well, and I hope that wherever you are, the night is being kind to you.

My man is home from field ops and cooks dinner for us on a daily bases 😍 how did I get so lucky?
I don’t think I’ll ever get use to living with this man after years and years and years of distance and airport goodbyes.