Suho is the leader, you can tell who is he by looking for the person who is almost all the time ignored and looks like he will cry if he’s made fun of one more time. Most likely when he’s seen with the rest of the group he has the “don’t mess with me or i will ground your ass in no time” look. Suho can sometimes look like the word “daddy” personified or he can look like a 30 year old man who’s given up on life and there is no in between. Can be squishy and cute. $uho’s wallet is thicker than his eyebrows.
Baekhyun is the little black haired shit the one who looks like an adorable puppy that makes you want to punch yourself. Most of the time he’s on screen and when he’s not…no actually he’s always on screen, it’ll be easy telling who he is because he talks a lot and makes stupid jokes that you laugh at because he laughs at them as well. In a performance or a music video you can tell who he is by waiting for the high notes and looking for the person who looks like a baby lion trying to roar for the first time and has neck veins more popping than your booty. A way of finding him is throwing a cucumber into the group, whoever runs away and cries is Baekhyunnie
Chanyeol is the giant, he’s basically a Korean yoda-fairy-elf-puppy. 90% legs, is on screen a lot if not he’s humping fawning over Kai (I’ll tell you about him later) Sometimes makes jokes but most of the time is the one who’s laughing over baek’s jokes cos he has a thing for him. Can be spotted by looking for giant ears that make him look like Dumbo or something. He’s the one with the deep voice, the vibrations from his voice will get your panties wet, trust me I’m a scientist. You can also spot him by looking for the one who’s whoring out on the ‘V’ sign, V standing for virgin.
D.O. i don’t even know how to describe him, he’s either super handsome, super squishy or super satanic, you can never tell which one he’s gonna be.50% eyes 50% lips. His eyes are big enough for you to see the trapped souls of fangirls, the number 1 fangirl being Kai. His lips will give Angelina Jolie a run for her money and her husband cos D.O. brings the boys out, he brings the gay out in everyone. Whenever Baekhyun is around he is the one who looks like he can kill someone, looks like he’s given up on life and doesn’t know who the other members are. When he smiles sun shines check it out using lyrics but honestly his lips are perfect for smiling, but before he smiles he has this little smirk that makes him look like he knows all your dirty little secrets.
Kai is hot as fuck i don’t care, let me hold onto my panties cos shit. In a performance or a music video he is the one who is always, alWAYS hot. He’s on the taller end of EXO. His jawline is sharp enough to cut through diamonds i am not lying. Kai’s lips are like D.O.’s but not as plump. It’s easy to tell him apart he’s the one who either has dark brown/black hair or a greyish blond colour. Either looks like a 5 year old boy or a 20 year old model. Off stage he is cute and looks like a ball of fluff, almost childlike. Like Chanyeol he laughs at jokes but it’s not really a laugh, it’s more of a opening his mouth as wide as he can and shouting “HA HA HA HA” ya feel? Also when he laughs you can spot him by the one who hits people who are next to him. He makes you want to cuddle him but also do very inappropriate things, will hip thrust his way into your heart fuck you kim jongin.
Sehun the maknae. The one with the hair that always stays in shape yet never the same colour, you can tell who is he by looking for the strong eyebrows, he’s the tall hot shit that you really want to do even if he isn’t your bias. When he’s not around all the members he looks really cold and arrogant but in reality he’s a softie. Sehun’s voice is also deep and his dancing makes you want to scream. When he talks he does this eyebrow thing, you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it. Ways to find him: shout yehet and he will be obligated to shout ohorat and you shall find him. Almost always has his tongue sticking out of his mouth and if by chance that’s not happening he’s making the ( - /\ - ) face, is basically 97% legs.
*takes a deep breath* time for EXO-M
Xiumin he is your bias even if he isn’t your bias, he used to be chubby and adorable but now he’s xiuman and hot. He’s small but his arms aren’t, you can tell who is by the one that Luhan is clinging on to, it’s kind of hard pointing him out in performances or music videos, or even at all because he’s small and quiet but whenever he does talk you’ll find him because all the attention will be on him. He’s hot and cute at the same time. Sometime he looks like the youngest but then he does the eyebrows and BAM you’re on the floor crying over a 24 year old Korean who has too much power. He can make the boom boom’s in your heart go BADOOM BADOOM with just one look, i want to marry him and that’s that. He’s a real life Disney prince, the end.
Luhan is the finest piece of China available, constantly looks good. If you’re trying to find him in an interview or show wait for a joke to be said and look for the one who looks like they have no chin, he has delicate features and flawless skin which make him look girly but he isn’t, he’s not okay. Looks like Bambi, sings like an angel and dances amazingly well. His thighs are big and muscly so just look for those and you will have found Luhan! Most of the time he is around Xiumin. Luhan is utter perfection, literally idgaf he’s better looking than anyone and it makes me angry and sad because i love him so much. I have so many feelings for Luhan and you will too IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: HIS SURNAME IS LU
Kris okay I know he’s not part of EXO anymore but he’s been in every single era okay so imma do it. Let me explain to you a thing, he is incredibly handsome, incredibly tall, incredibly talented. Whenever EXO wave at the camera or whatever look for the big yaoi hands, who’s hands are they? Kris. This is gonna be short, Kris is hot, tall, fantastic hair, deep voice. His voice is deeper than the ocean and will make you cry, imagine him calling you baby and you have an automatic breakdown why? It’s too good to be real. You can easily tell who he is by looking for someone who looks cool but then he ruins it by saying something stupid. his eyebrows can sometimes make him look like an angry bird The End.
Lay is the angel, the pure heart, the unicorn. A distinct feature is his dimple, it’s deep enough for you to cry into and then drown yourself in it because he’s too perfect to be real, his bottom lip is cute and pops out, why? Cos he bites it so much it’s probably swollen, poor thing. He is incredibly handsome and cute. In Korean interviews he doesn’t say a lot but in Chinese one’s he’s the one who always makes everyone laugh and smile, Changsha’s Pride; that’s what he is. Every member of EXO loves him and he loves every single member too. On camera he’s the one who spends about 60% of his screen time bowing. He’s very forgetful and can seem lost and confused so that’s how you find him. He’s extremely precious and kawaii. Even if you don’t love him, he will love you. His smile will give you diabetes
Chen is the one who you forget is actually talented. All the time he is trolling people, teasing them and mocking them it doesn’t matter if the member is his hyung or dongsaeng he will fuck you up with his words and laugh about it till the world ends, his laugh will echo in your ears at night leaving you with no sleep and you shall shout out his motto “WAEEE”. ChenChen is the one with high cheekbones, just as high as his notes and a kitten like smile and a cute adams apple. There’s something about his forehead that you’ll like, I can’t explain it. In music videos and performances he’s the one who does the high HIGH notes and does a little kick after he finishes.
Tao: looks like an assassin but is actually a 12 year old girl. He’s one of the giants of EXO. Long ago when Tao’s teaser came out everyone thought he would be the cool mysterious one but boy were they wrong, whenever Tao tries to be cool or cute it fails, but when he doesn’t try it works. Looks like the Asian Miley Cyrus with blond hair. Always, I mean, always with Sehun cos he’s a raging homo for him or bickering with Baekhyun. Basically look like a cat/assassin who sleeps a lot. In airport pictures he’s the one constantly on his phone. Doing what? Looking at his nudes cos he loves himself like that. If you ever hear about an idol being very sexual with the fans, it’s Tao.
now comes the hard part of deciding which one of these shits is your favourite, it wont matter cos in the end you will cry about all of them at 3AM. Enjoy the ride but even if you don’t they will cos they ride each other till the sun rises
it doesn’t matter because you’ll love all of them equally :)