list of reasons i find mihawk ridiculous

- he’s named Dracule and im p sure like half his personality is vampire aesthetic

- his name’s “hawk eyes” mihawk like he couldn’t emphasize HAWK enough

- sails all manner of dangerous seas in a coffin-shaped (and sized) boat to fit the vampire aesthetic

- the boats like literally just a chair in a coffin. there’s no oars or sails. how’s he steer? he just sit there and hope for the best? he’s got nowhere to store food for long journeys. how’s he even use that boat?

- lives alone on a scary island in a castle surrounded by blood thirsty monkeys, almost definitely to fit the vampire aesthetic

- i’m p sure it’s like eternally cloudy there or smth. whole place is surrounded by ruined towns and creepy forests and no other people. what’s he even do out there? i bet he’s reading cheesy vampire novels.

- leaves home for a while, returns to find two people he barely knows have taken up residence in his absence, barely cares

- one of the two people who took up residence in Mihawk’s castle is a guy who’s life mission is to beat Mihawk, he just lets the guy stay

- guy’s got like no friends. the closest he’s got to friends is like. Perona and Zoro who just kinda showed up at his house and Shanks who he mostly seems to like. tolerate

- he seems to find the concept of friendship scary as he’s got a quote where he says he finds Luffy’s ability to easily make friends to be terrifying. mihawk wtf

- chased down a pirate armada across two seas to destroy it just because he’s bored

- carries around two weapons, one being a big black sword the size of him and the other being a butterknife-sized version of that sword which he fights others with JUST bc he can to show off

- “you don’t need a canon to hunt rabbits” and you don’t need to be this over-the-top but here we are

- the butter knife is usually stored as a cross-shaped necklace, definitely to fit the vampire aesthetic

- fights a dude with the butter knife of death, and after deciding he likes the guy during the fight, does the guy the honor of finishing him off via cutting him the fuck in half with the giant sword

- i don’t have a way to end this list and im probably missing something but i’d like to say i love dracule mihawk

(thank you to @ayotofu for assistance on this list)

i was looking at the OPTS card database and i’m absolutely creasing at some of these automatic translations courtesy of google

ah….my favourite villain…..Sandy…….

i would hope mihawk is able to perform such a basic human function

yes law!!! you must take care me!!! he’s SO EAGER

big shock for marimo…what spooked him….

body pain….same jinbe….

captain of the wand….is law a wizard….

“DROP THE MAGIC PHASE, HAWKINS”
hawkins, angrily manifesting voodoo dolls: “IT’S NOT A PHASE!!”