mighty maia!

In Which I Get Into Fantasy Football

Vasant, on his computer, mutters to himself.

Me: What’s up?

Vasant: I didn’t get the quarterback I wanted for my fantasy league.

Me: Doesn’t FANTASY football imply that you can have whomever you want in your league?

Vasant: No. You compete against all the other teams in the draft. You might not get the player you want.

Me: Offer him more money with your billions of fantasy dollars.

Vasant: It doesn’t work like that. 

Me: It’s a fantasy. Of course it works like that. You are the emperor of space and you own a football team. They all have guns for arms, and your QB has a chest cannon. Cheerleaders are made of solid gold, which of course, means they’re robots. Solid gold robots. 

Vasant tries to ignore me. 

Me: BUT THEN the robots take over the league. Or at least they try to. Your players can fly, so they have the aerial advantage. 

Vasant gets up to leave. 

Me: WAIT! I have more ideas for your fantasy league!

Afterwards, he made me join his league and now I’m going all Aspergian on player stats. I actually know quite a lot about football, but stayed out of fantasy drafts because I, the Lord of the Rings nerd, think it’s a dumb way to spend your time. I also know I get too competitive and I’m worried about being in a league with people I love. Like worried I might destroy them with my cyborg players.

In other news, everyone in our league has given their teams Lord of the Rings names…