I missed you
Loki x Reader
Genre: SO MUCH ANGST
Word Count: 1,383
Summary: You find out that your husband, Loki was still alive after falling from the Bifrost, and you were determined to see him. Although, when you do, it is not hugs and kisses like you expected from reuniting with the love of your life.
AN: mmkayyy, so my first shot at actually writing something, tell me if you like it. I just needed some good and frustrating ANGST. If y’all like it, maybe I’ll write more. If not, I’ll probably hide in my shell and never write again. Feedback is always welcome tho
“I command you let me through!” You were yelling at the two guards blocking the path to the dungeons, or as you thought, your path to Loki. “We have orders from the Allfather, Lady Y/N,” they replied. “I don’t understand why I am forbidden to see my own husband.”
You had been arguing for almost an hour before you heard a familiar voice boom through the hallway. “Let her pass!” Whipping your head, you saw familiar golden locks and a sympathetic look from Thor. “He has already been sentenced to life in those dungeons. No need to keep him from reuniting with his dear wife"
Thor put an arm around your shoulder and interrupted the guards before they could speak again, “Come! I will escort you to my brother”
After passing through the large doors and turning a corner, Thor stopped to look at you and sighed. “Lady Y/N, I know you must miss him but you cannot just bother these dungeons. He cannot be trusted. He is not the same Loki you grew up with centuries ago… that Loki fell from the Bifrost” He held your shoulders and you know that he means well but you couldn’t help but feel anger start to bubble up inside you.
“How is he different? He’s made mistakes but don’t we all? Thor, I lost him once but I know he is still my Loki.” You looked at Thor hoping he would understand, and sighed. “And even if he weren’t… I’d love him all the same.”
Thor let out a second deep sigh and let go of your shoulders. “I hope he knows that.” You continued walking until you and Thor reached a rather large and furnished cell and saw the raven hair you missed running your fingers through.
“I must go now. I might need to speak to father before the guards do.” Thor turned and walked away before stopping to shortly look back between you and Loki. After Thor had left, you walked closer to the cell in front of you.
“Loki,” You spoke quietly but loud enough for him to slightly turn his head to the side.
His hair was much longer from the last time you saw him. From what you could see, his eyes looked sunken and his face was a sickly pale color.
“Loki,” You repeated and he furrowed his brows before standing up and turning to you. “What are you doing here?” He spoke harshly and glared. You were confused for a moment. He seemed angry and ashamed all at once but you still missed the sound of his voice after it had stopped flowing from his lips.
“I wanted to see you.” You continued keeping your voice at a whisper. He scoffed and looked away. You didn’t understand what you were feeling. You wanted to kiss him and punch him all at once. He left you but he’s here now. You started to feel the tears prick at your eyes and you looked down at your feet, from being so overwhelmed, you assumed.
“Did you miss me?” You heard Loki’s voice mock and you looked up to see his back turned to you once again.
Your tears subsided and whatever you were feeling turned into anger. Angry at him for everything; for leaving you and letting you cry at night, for mocking you now and for not seemingly missing you at all. At the same time you were angry at yourself for still wanting feel his lips against yours.
You furrowed your brows and raised your voice a little louder, “No, Loki. I didn’t.” Loki turned back to face you and looked taken aback, all you could do was let out a laugh and wipe the tears away. “I didn’t miss you at all. I didn’t miss the one person I called my friend. I didn’t miss the person I married. Gods, I didn’t miss having someone hold me at night or comfort me when I cried!” You were screaming and tears were falling hard at this point and you were trying to look anywhere but him.
“Y/N, I-” He started but you quickly interrupted him, not caring how much your voice cracked. “Of course I missed you, Loki” Your voice was back to a whisper and you looked back at your feet. You didn’t realize you had walked as close as you could to the cell. “I died when I heard what happened.” You let out a sigh and continued, “All I wanted was to see you again…” You looked up to see he looked… Sad. He had tears in his eyes but his mouth was turned downward like he was disgusted, not with you, but himself.
“I’m sorry, Y/N” Two words from his lips and all you wanted to do was hug him. You just missed the feeling of him. You didn’t realize you were crying now just looking at his face.
“Why did you leave me? Why didn’t you tell me that you were okay? That you were alive?” You just wanted to know and every part of you was relieved that he was alive but hurt that he kept himself away from you and let you mourn.
“I couldn’t, Y/N.” he turned away again and started to walk towards his bed and you wanted to throw your slipper at him. “Why not!?” You yelled and he stopped moving completely. You saw his body stiffen and he let out a deep sigh.
“Did you not want to be with me?” You didn’t even understand what was coming out of your mouth. You wanted an answer. Something to explain why you didn’t eat for months and cried yourself to sleep, wishing you had fallen from the Bifrost. You just wanted him back with you.
“Of course I wanted to be with you, Y/N!” Loki yelled and interrupted your thoughts quickly. “Everyday, I wish to be beside you again. To hold you while you sleep. To be out of this accursed cell and be wherever you are!” He was running his fingers roughly through his hair, causing the slicked back locks to fall out of place. “But I couldn’t…”
“Why not!?” You yelled again
"I’m a monster, Y/N!” He looked at you full of rage. Not particularly at you but at everything. He wanted the world to melt away. “I couldn’t take it and especially after what I’ve done, I was too ashamed to even think of holding you again.” He sat on a small chair and put his head in his hands. You know what happened in Midgard but frankly, didn’t care when they told you he was okay.
“Did you at least try?” Your voice was cracking, you weren’t even sure if Loki could still hear you. All he did was sigh again before speaking up, not moving from his spot. “I wasn’t strong enough to try… I was too weak.”
“Were you too weak… or too selfish” You were hurting all over and your chest felt like a sack of bricks. It worsened when you saw a tear slip past Loki’s palm. “I don’t deserve you, Y/N…” He was near sobbing and it made your heart burn and caused you to choke back a sob yourself but you were just as mad.
"Loki, please… Just look at me” Your voice was still cracked but you had managed to cease the tears that were falling from your eyes. He looked up at you and you saw the tears that covered his cheeks.
“I’m not strong enough to try anymore, Y/N” He started to whisper, afraid that he wouldn’t be coherent if all you could hear was sobbing when he raised his voice. Hearing his words, your tears pushed out once more. You could feel your heart tearing itself to pieces. It felt worse than when you heard about his “death”. You felt hopeless. He was not the monster he believed himself to be nor did you believe he ever will be, but it seemed like he was the shell of your Loki.
“I missed you, Loki” you whispered one last time and turned around to leave when he put his head back in his hands and started to choke back his sobs.
“I missed you too, Y/N"