Hello everyone ☺️Not sure if you still remember me since I ghosted you since February, but I still wanted to explain my sudden trip into the unexplained hiatus land.
Warning, the following is an unstructured rant of mine:
All jokes aside, I haven’t been feeling well this year and it probably started around the time I disappeared from tumblr (probs an unconscious move on my part). I haven’t been diagosed with anything yet, but I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety. I haven’t said anything until now because firstly, it was incredibly hard for me to accept it since I’m usually an optimistic person and two, because I’m a rather private person. (In a way, I didn’t notice my own emotions and distress. Super self-oblivious in that regard!) It was more important for me to keep my blog free from personal stress and issues, sort of like an island of positivity and happiness (for myself and others), than to talk about it.
I have a therapist now and that really helps a lot. So if you’re stuggeling with these things yourself, I can recommend seeing one whole-heartedly.
Of course, my hiatus had other reasons too like losing interest (mainly in Fairy Tail, haven’t even finished it) and feeling pressured by the fandom to deliver colourings on demand. Instead of nice comments, I only recieved more requests and people demanding I do something for them. (There were exceptions of course!! And I know they didn’t mean any harm by it!) It robbed me of the fun I used to have. Especially when I felt like I couldn’t do what I wanted anymore. Pressure from others and my own drive to be as good as I can sort of ruined tumblr for me. It stessed me out like so many other things, like it was a job I had to do. Not to mention people who stole my works on instagram and other sites, claimed them as their own and got angry at me for reporting them. I was just so fed up.
So I left and turned into Ghost-Ellie. Much spooky, very incognito. (who basically just browsed the tags and liked stuff left and right)
Recently, I’ve been thinking about returning to my blog. This used to be fun to me, so it might be fun again? I’m not sure yet. It might take me a while to pick up colouring again, and I’ve taken up creative writing instead to balance formal university essays (back to the roots lmao). I miss posting random rants and reblogging the things I love, so I’ll probably doing that.
Quite honestly, I’m still stuggeling with myself. It got better in the last few weeks and now the feeling and not-feeling is worse again. It comes in waves. So I can’t promise to keep my blog running on a daily basis, but I’ll try to do what I can.
Thanks to all my mutuals and people who send me sweet messages. To those who have been wondering where I’ve been and whether I’m okay. To the 17.5k people who still follow me (or forgot to unfollow me lol) during the last year.
Love all of you! ❤️
(PS: While I was incognito on tumblr, I fell in love with Todoroki from BNHA and many other characters from the series. In fact, the few series that actually keep my interest right now are BNHA, Bungou Stray Dogs, Persona 5 and Mystic Messenger (still wishing Saeyoung was real). I watch and read other series, but those four are my favs at the moment. Anyhow, bye~)
tbh, i’m not really involved in the Hamilton fandom anymore. Hamilton is my hyperfixation at the moment but the fandom is so toxic I’m just gonna say in my corner with my friends and writing what I want to write.
in my eight months of blogging, i have seen a dashboard filled with beauty, color, passion and all sorts of pain. i started out with one post and a couple of reblogs that eventually urged me to reacquaint myself with fandoms i have left behind and explore those i’ve only vaguely heard about. within that span of time, i discovered new music, got myself obsessed with useless teenage boys, and more importantly, cultivated new friendships that cannot be replicated elsewhere. all that made twice as enjoyable because it happened with you guys! we’ve shared and exchanged a series of both pleasant and mind-numbing conversations that brought us closer together, constantly weaving through the realms of editing, screaming and geeking out. though i tend to be quite awkward and possibly odd, we still managed to spark that connection that led us to where we are now. i am genuinely glad that we met through this platform, and i’d like to use this opportunity to say that you are all spectacular! special snowflakes that i will cherish forever!
initially, i planned on writing gross individual messages for all of you, but was hindered by the lack of time. i only started making this a few hours ago, eep. also, sorry for suddenly disappearing from time to time, school can be really.. you know. to sum this whole thing up, thank you for making my 2014 as great as it was! thanks for sticking around, making this place worth sticking around for, and occasionally stabbing me right through the heart by sending unbearable photos of my biases when least expected.. i look forward to plotting each of your downfalls next year…. love you!! :-)
and to everyone else that follows me: i don’t know what made you click on the f*ll_w button but i will forever be grateful that you did!! i’ll try my very best to make presentable graphics while simultaneously replying to messages and requests promptly! please don’t hesitate to talk to me if you want to c: haha my sincerest apologies for this long post!