midlife

fun fact : Mike patton named the song “midlife crisis” despite the fact that he hadn’t gone through his yet, much like trent reznor who wrote “hurt” before he even became Johnny Cash

The Zodiac Signs as Crises

Existential Crisis: Scorpio, Aquarius, Pisces

Procrastination Crisis: Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Virgo

Midlife Crisis: Gemini, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, Capricorn

idk but what really gets me about overwatch is that its entire marketing tries to convince us that it’s this huge band of heroes who have come together to maintain world peace and achieve Great Things

while in fact that’s what they used to be and what you have now is a family consisting of an ape, two lesbians and a supercomputer having illegal dinner parties in a derelict government facility

the three former leaders of the organization are all presumed dead and pass their time not really disputing that claim considering two of them are currently holed up in a fucking necropolis, and the other one is a constantly decomposing emotional fog

like you’re supposed to imagine this grand force for Good, but then jesse mccree is getting shitfaced in a dingy bar in dorado while sombra sends sneaky update pics of him to reaper, who is currently too busy creeping on a family just because the guy’s flat butt reminded him of his ex husband

hanzo ‘midlife crisis’ shimada shoots dragons out of his nipple but you couldn’t tell that looking at his art student undercut and piercings, and his not-dead (notice how that’s a suspiciously recurring theme in this game?) brother is probably currently at a cosplay convention losing a ‘best genji costume’ competition

like maybe one day they’ll all come together and find common ground and actually do something, but for now they’re just a bunch of weird people in different stages of washed up trying to make ends meet, and it might be the most relatable thing about the whole entire game

Samurai Jack on Adult Swim

What I expected: Blood, angst, sadness, bullshit philosophy, lack of fun

What I got: Jack adopts a moody teenage assassin, Tom Kenny says penis, The Scotsman has the force and an army of daughters, Aku is having a midlife crisis

Batfam as things my fam has said

Dick: *tells a joke*

*silence*

Dick: Okay, but when it’s about my life, everyone laughs.

——————–

Jason: I’m really trying, and it’s just not working.

Tim: There is no try. Only do.

Jason: I don’t think Star Wars is really going to help me right now.

Tim: *scoffs* Shows what you know.

Dick: You know, I’m proud he got that reference.

——————-

Jason: *messes up*

Bruce: *addresses the younger kids* Okay, he’s older. That means you should all learn from his mistakes or risk being just as much of a fuck-up.

Jason: Dad!

Bruce: *raises an eyebrow*

Jason: *sighs* It’s true.

——————-

Bruce: Okay Tim, you need some sleep.

Tim: You know, I’ve got enough problems in my life without you shoving your mainstream ideals and corporate agendas down my throat.

Bruce: …?

Tim: Yeah, goodnight.

———————

Dick: Okay, but if cotton shirts shrink when they get wet, does that mean sheep shrink when they get wet?

Jason: Bro, sheep produce wool.

Dick: Really?

Jason: Cotton comes from a fucking plant.

Dick: *in a small voice* So…sheep….don’t shrink…..when they get….wet….?

Tim: I think your brain shrinks when it gets wet.

———————–

Damian: *walks into the kitchen at 12:00 a.m.* *sees Dick laying on the table crying*

Damian: So this is adulthood.

*like a month after that*

Damian: *walks into the kitchen late at night again* *sees Jason sitting in front of the fridge just staring while holding a jug of milk*

Damian: Is this like a thing? Does every adult in this family have mental breakdowns in the kitchen late at night?

Bruce: You’ll understand it someday.

Damian: *turns the light on* *sees Bruce sitting on the counter with a single piece of bread*

Damian: What was I born into?

———————–

*at McDonald’s*

Dick and Jason: *get their own food*

Tim and Damian: *have to share*

Damian: Dad, that’s not fair. Why do we have to share?

Jason: Because we’re older, nimrod. We’ve paid our dues.

Dick: Yeah. I’m older than all of you. Dad had to raise me before he knew what the fuck he was doing.

Bruce: Jokes on all of you. I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.

———————

Jason: *ruins the end of a movie the others haven’t seen*

Dick: You know, there’s a special place in hell for people like you.

Damian: Yeah, it’s this family.

——————–

*at the pediatrician’s*

Bruce and Damian: *waiting for the doctor*

Bruce: *starts opening the cabinets* *finds the latex gloves* *starts stuffing them in his pockets*

Damian: Um, Dad? What are you doing…?

Bruce: I use these when I’m working. I like the ones from my doctor better. These are all meant for small hands.

Damian: Well maybe you shouldn’t be stealing from your son’s pediatrician then—or your doctor for that matter.

Bruce: Maybe your pediatrician shouldn’t have such small hands.

Damian: That is so not the problem with this situation.

(I know Bruce is hella rich, but my fam isn’t. lolol)

——————-

*getting free samples from the store*

Bruce: Okay, Jason take your jacket off and go up there again. She’s elderly and will probably think your someone else.

Jason: *rolls his eyes* *goes anyway*

Dick: Dad, that is horrible.

Bruce: Do you want lunch son? 

Dick: Yes?

Bruce: Okay then. Roll your shorts up, put your hair in a ponytail, and pretend you’re my daughter.

Tim: We’re all going to hell.

———————

Dick, Tim and Jason: *fighting over what movie to watch*

Damian: *gives a suggestion* *gets ignored*

Dick, Tim and Jason: *keep fighting*

Damian: Hello!

Dick, Tim and Jason: *still ignore him* *still fighting*

Damian: I DEMAND ATTENTION, YOU ASSHOLES!

Dick, Tim and Jason: *turn to Damian in shock*

Damian: That’s right. I am capable of speaking. I may be the youngest, but I still exist.

———————-

Jason: Hey, Dick?

Dick: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE!

Jason: What’s wrong with him?

Tim: Someone ate all the Lucky Charms.

———————-

Jason: How do you know when a fish is dead?

Dick: That’s an ominous question.

Jason: But like, how do you know?

Dick: I don’t know. Usually if they’re upside down at the top of the water.

Jason: So…laying at the bottom of the bowl all pale and colorless probably means dead, right?

Dick: JASON WHAT DID YOU DO?

Jason: I DON’T KNOW! I think I fed him too much. I mean, he just kept eating. I figured he was just that hungry!

Dick: Damian is going to kill you.

Jason: This is like his fifth fish. How attached could he have been, really?

———————–

Damian: I thought I said that this family was banned from going anywhere near my fish. Why do you all keep killing my pets? Dad freaking swallowed one!

Jason: Wow Dad. I just overfed one. At least I didn’t eat it. 

Bruce: That wasn’t my fault! You shouldn’t be putting them in water bottles!

Damian: I WAS CLEANING HIS BOWL!

———————–

Tim: Why is the world against me?

Damian: Is that rhetorical or would you like me to answer?

———————–

Dick: *wakes up* I really feel like today is going to be a good day.

Dick: *spills his bowl of cereal on himself*

Dick: I’m going to go to bed now.

Bruce: Dick, you just woke up.

Dick: Well the world doesn’t seem to care!

————————

Tim: Can you have a midlife crisis at 17?

Damian: I don’t even think I’ll make it to 17.

Jason: I’m pretty sure I died the day I turned 19.

Dick: I’ve been having a midlife crisis for the past three years.

Tim: So that’s a yes.

————————

Bruce: I miss being young and childless.

Jason: As your child, that’s just so nice to hear.

————————-

Bruce: Why aren’t you in school right now?

Dick: Dad, why does life feel like an endless abyss of self-loathing and humiliation?

Bruce:

Bruce: I’m just going to call and say you have the flu.


So friend of mine and I were Skypin’ it up the other night and I went on some tangent about Aku going through a midlife crisis post-season 4, leading up to the events in Season 5. This struck friend-Mason as particularly funny so he decided to turn my inane rant into art. 

Art: IAmAmazingMason

Voice: Stuart A. Hutson(LM-G1)

Made with SoundCloud
8

hello i got carried away and it’s 4am now. welcome to the restaurant au, better known now as genji’s early midlife crisis AU, now with genyatta

genji comes to the slow realization he’s actually a Responsible Successful person now after weaning out of his punkish rebel persona and Also, that professor who frequents he and his brother’s ramen shop is super cute and Genji is conflicted bc perhaps embracing this bookish philosophy prof also means embracing being a Normal Person and he is not ready.

[leave a tip]

Dr. Harry Carlyle, from Mass Effect: Andromeda

Help, an NPC stole my heart ಥ﹏ಥ

I started this ages ago, but here it is! Hopefully the first of many!
Also, I was a bit inspired in David Gandy, so I’ll leave you with that thought…;D

just great comet things
  • Having a cast member go up to your section of the seats to explain that you’re not quite seeing a normal show so keep your legs close
  • Natasha seeing Andrey off to the war at the very beginning, before the prologue, looking really heartbroken to see him leave
  • Andrey leaving through The Door™
  • Marya dissing the whole audience as ‘gossips and crybabies’
  • Mary making a random audience guy climb onstage to present to her father as a suitor
  • Snow falling over Andrey reading a letter as Natasha sings during No One Else
  • Gelsey Bell doing the opera screeching and wailing
  • Everyone being on stage most of the time, watching what’s going on and reacting
  • Everyone taking the events of the opera really seriously and then Andrey pops back onstage while ensemble members pull drapes of blood out of him
  • The chemistry between Anatole and Natasha
  • The strobe lights during the club that make you feel like you’re inside a stop motion
  • The costumes becoming bdsm gear and neon for everyone but Anatole, Helene, Pierre and Dolokhov (yes that means Grace McLean in spandex leather doing inappropriate gestures with a whip)
  • Having an ensemble member scream at you to read war and peace over blaring music
  • Pierre forcibly inducing your midlife crisis during Dust and Ashes but it’s okay because he’s having one too
  • Natasha just standing on stage in her underwear for most of Charming
  • The consequent onstage costume change
  • Having a cast member casually walk by at some point and wondering how this show even exists
  • Natasha and Anatole sealing their fate by dramatically walking through The Door™ hand in hand as dramatic strings play 
  • Anatole sitting down and shutting the whole thing down just so he can flirt with someone in the audience for an obnoxious amount of time
  • The Door™ opening with angry red lights to reveal Marya as she screams ‘you will not enter mY HOUse scoundrelll”
  • Natasha pacing all over the stage during Pierre and Anatole and preparing the poison/drinking it then freaking out about what she’s done while the men argue (and then Sonya helping her off the stage)
  • Natasha Very Ill to The Great Comet of 1812 cleansing your soul and putting the whole theatre at peace
  • Feeling like you’re somehow walking in the snow on some russian road with Pierre during the finale
  • All of the characters standing up and gazing at the comet like they all believe it holds the key to their redemption and new beginnings
  • The overall performance adding so many nuances to the story that you leave the theatre confused because what you took for granted about the characters isn’t so solid anymore