1. Dragon kid finds a recent orphan and doesn’t tell her he’s actually a river who steals (and probably murders) for his boss who has a gay twin. The orphan girl’s parents are literally pigs but she saves everyone by growing some balls, walking into hell, and coming out with a new hairband and a new grandma.
2. Some dumbass fucks with a powerful being and is cursed to die painfully but instead of help him and replenish their dying breed his family kicks him out. He tries to be a hero but is torn between three assholes who would rather die than compromise. He falls for a knife wielding maniac and they carry around a gods head to prevent one of the assholes from having it until the god takes it back.
3. Midget girl and her folks are afraid of a cat. She is saved by an invalid who falls for her.
4. A kids dad died in a hurricane and now he’s determined to do the same. A girl falls from the sky and he thinks it’s a good idea to get tangled up with her even as he keeps getting shot at. Pirates end up being the good guys in comparison to the goddamn government who want to kill the girl and take her necklace. They all end up on a floating island which technically belongs to the girl and the head of the government whose apparently a king by blood. They blow up the floating island so he can’t have it.
5. Children hallucinate a creature and vanish periodically trying to find it. Their lax father thinks he’s crazy. He’s right.
6. A young foster child hallucinates meeting her grandmother as a child in the harbor town where she grew up. She learns that she’s being a selfish bitch by blaming her family for leaving her when in reality they all just died. Plus her foster mom loves her more than they did so twice shame on her.
7. After being a coward during the war a man literally turns into a pig. He lives his life on a private island saving people and making money off it. When his plane gets busted up by a goddamn flying cowboy he meets a young girl who insists at being shot at while she finishes fixing his plane. She yells at pirates to make them good people again and her kiss magically turns him back into a human. He also gets a hot Italian widower as a wife.
8. A wizard guy who honestly eats pretty girl’s hearts helps a not so pretty girl out of danger. He flies off to his walking castle but a fat witch assumes the ugly girl is with him so she curses the girl to be old. The now old lady finds his castle some goddamn way, gets inside, befriends an orphan and a fire demon, and spends a lot of time doing woman work: cleaning, cooking, laundry, and taking care of a man during his constant exenstial crises. Eventually her love for him makes her young again. Mostly. He flies off to be in a war to protect her but she protects herself and still he almost dies. They realize the fire is his heart and do a lot of stupid shit to it before putting it back in his chest. A decent prince falls for her but instead when the wizard wakes up she makes out with him. They live happily ever after with the orphan in their flying castle.
And that’s my contribution to tumblr today