middleof

207 alternative ending

What if Valentine had succeeded in activating the soul sword? What if he had wiped out all downworlders right there? Just imagine it. Clary and jace running of the roof to find Luke, but he’s no where to be found. Imagine Magnus disappearing while he’s in alec’s arms. Imagine the only thing left behind by Magnus was the little charm alec gave him, and imagine alec saying “it was supposed to protect you” through his tears. Imagine alec walking into the institute and clary and jace walking up to him, explaining what happened, clary still crying. Imagine izzy, clary, jace and Alec trying to convince aldertree to let them have a funeral for the downworlders, and them wearing all white for weeks as a protest when he says no. Imagine alec sleeping at Magnus’s loft just so he can remember his smell. And clary being quite for months after she lost her ‘dad’ and best friend so close after her mother. And clary, jace and Izzy comes to Magnus’ loft everyday with food and water for alec, but he doesn’t talk to them. And clary walking to jade wolf, half expecting Simon and Luke to be there, but instead she’s met with silence and emptiness. Imagine clary leaning the shadowhunters in the middleof the night. Blaming herself. Imagine them all acting weird because they lost the people that meant the most. Just imagine it. Thanks to @robeggsbenedict and @zirijava for creating this with me

Originally posted by nooravaltersens

PEOPLE LIKE US

for James Wright

There are more like us. All over the world

There are confused people, who can’t remember
The name of their dog when they wake up, and people
Who love God but can’t remember where

He was when they went to sleep. It’s
All right. The world cleanses itself this way.
A wrong number occurs to you in the middle
Of the night, you dial it, it rings just in time

To save the house. And the second-story man
Gets the wrong address, where the insomniac lives,
And he’s lonely, and they talk, and the thief
Goes back to college. Even in graduate school,

You can wander into the wrong classroom,
And hear great poems lovingly spoken
By the wrong professor. And you find your soul,
And greatness has a defender, and even in death you’re safe.

ROBERT BLY

rainykoalabear  asked:

Hey! I'm just beginning to draw, and I love your art style so much! I'm just drawing on cheap paper with crayola coloured pencils. I would love some tips on drawing people! I'm especially bad at expressions and proportions

Sorry for taking too much to answer this question! It’s the first time i make a tutorial think like so hope this helps, because im still learning too.

Thak you so much for liking my art! Dont worry where or with what you are painting right now because you are starting. You will probably try to taste everything until you find a way to draw where you feel comfortable.

People are difficult, not gonna lie, and my first advice is: watch. Observe and watch a lot. It’s ok to use references. Dont feel bad when someone says that can draw something without even looking at it. Not matter how much much you have been into art, references are always a way to improve your art. The most you watch, the most you can catch some little detail that can allow you to improve. Srsly, sometimes you need to spend almost an hour just watching picture over picture untily ou saturate yourself. Watch yourself, watch the way other people draw, watch and watch and watch,

My second advice is dont try to discard previous art you were proud of before and now you are not anymore. It’s ok. It means you are improving the way you are seeing. Thumbnails and doodles are a thing because it allows you to relax and make your lines more fluid. It also allows you to see and watch and learn. Who know, maybe even with a crappy doodle, there’s somethign there you can use in the next draw: they way you did the hair, or the mouth, whatever.

About proportions, I alway use circle-head proportion:

Generally for men, the body is 8 circle height while women are 7 and a half. That propotion can change sometimes, with men with 7 and a half and women with 7. That’s for the adults, while children has less circles. Children  has bigger foreheads and narrow shoulders.

For faces, I use to go like this

I generally use the jaw to guide me in which direction the character is going to look at. Almost as long as the circle. Then i draw a longitudinal line foe the middle and a transversal one (in blue) that it’s in the middleof the whole shape. That helps to positionate the eyes.

In the third step i draw in certain other for me to get the expression correctly. I start with one eye and then continue like i put in the picture. I mostly draw the other eye at the very end, depending if it’s ¾ or a front face. 

You need to find an expression that makes you comfortable (and the character) that acts as your base. From that base you can get the proportions and have fun with the expressions. 

Like this

I used Marco from SVTFOE because he is really expressive and I havent draw him for a while. The base expresion is the one in the up left corner.

Dont forget about the essence of the charcater. If the character tends to be serious, it would be difficult to make a base expression with a smile. Dont exagereate with the expression for the base one. Make it simple and then you can exagerate for the other expression.

Gol wild with the others and taste you limits. Dont try to be detailed when you are thumbnailing the first expression, Try to exagerate it the most you can and then add the details. You must show the feeling with it. 

Hope this helps and feel free to ask about more because we are all still learning!

Take care!

Loving you is yellow.
Warm sunrises
and the way
the sunlight
catches on dewdrops.
Coming home
after a long trip.

Loving you is warm.
A bed
amidst a storm.
The way
a fire crackles
in the middle
of the winter.

Loving you is home.
I never knew
that I was lost
until you
showed me the way
back home.

–– –– loving you is yellow
         CNS

This just happened

In the middleof physics class (last day) a (theoretically)graduating physics student (and accomplice) burst in the room dressed as the wacky professor from back to the future and ran across the lecture hall (accomplice playing theme music) shouting about going back to the future (and wishing us good luck on our final). 

As they scampered out of the room, the prof finally gathered his scrambled wits and called after them “You know I haven’t passed you yet?”

When Sinead woke the next morning on the sofa of her sitting room, it was nearly
noon. After a brief panic, Colleen swooped in with a cup of tea to assure her every-
thing was fine, explain that she took the liberty of turning off all Sinead’s alarms
on her phone, and let her know that Gilead made it to school on time. This was
followed by a small breakfast of eggs and toast (which Colleen insisted on Sinead
eating and watched with a glower until she finished every bite) and finally an
equally insisted upon, but unsupervised, shower. 

By the end of it all Sinead felt more clean, rested, and fed than she had in weeks.
It may have been a stretch to say she felt good, but she felt a bit better, and that
was something. 

Last night had been an emotional train wreck. If not for the handkerchief he lent
her when she started blubbering all over him, she may have even thought it all a
vivid dream. But it wasn’t a dream. She really had called Seamus in the middle
of the night, had him over at her house, and sobbed all over him like an idiot
after fourteen years of not so much as a ‘how are you?’ 

In the light of day with a good eight hours of sleep, it seemed like an absolutely
foolish and idiotic thing to have done. And she went about it in the worst possible
way. But there was no going back from her actions now. The least she could do 
was give him a call.

So, once Colleen had gone back to cleaning and Orla was finally on her midday
nap, Sinead put his number in her phone as a proper contact, and gave him a 
call. 

7

But to you guys, we are faithful,
We’ve fallen so hard that it’s painful
When it hurts I know the feelings are real.
I’ll let nothing in the middle
Nothing in the middle
Of me and you, of me and you
Nothing in the middle, in the middle of us.
I love the way we fight and stay up all night
And the way you look in the morning light
We’ll let nothing in the middle, in the middle of us.

This. This is not the end. We are a family, a family that fights, a family that cries, a family that laughs, a family that supports, a family that cares, that listens, that stands up for each other, that hugs, that loves, and sometimes slaps (metaphorically yea), if you don’t call this a family so what is? all this we’ve done together and we will continue, because we are fighters. Nothing has been easy for us, nothing came easy for us, we fall, we fight and we rise yes it’s hard, yet we certainly won't give up. We are a family, and we are here and we’re never gonna leave no matter what the end hides. we tease, we argue, we love and most of all we’re here for each other, this is a family to me. When I was young I read stories where princes won as I grew up, I thought the stories were wrong, because now we see that fighters are, we believe in you, you stayed strong, and you still are. We, we won so many things, the rewards? are not an insipid ones like awards, moreover we won a family. Guys, we’ve only just begun! this isn’t a goodbye, not at all, for us? this is an opened door, that just waits for us to enter. You, yes, you, those idiots who said “We don’t deserve this” you are right. you deserve much more than this, and We? yes, we want to thank you for the opportunity you gave us to be one of you, thank you for being there for us when nobody else was, thank you for being our friends practically like big or young brothers, thank you, we are proud of you. until the next time? Stay young at heart.

P.s: Something a smart man said, from the hit of “suck my balls you cock” we’re proud to introduce you Thomas Parker, “A bond Between Someone Can Be Separated, But It Can Never Be Broken”.

Unsettled

I am unsettled.
So much of the world
has yet to be
experienced,
touched,
embraced.

Does the ocean
smell the same
from the coast
of Costa Rica?

And do the stars
look the same
above Japan?

If I stood in the middle
of a busy market place
in the colorful India,
would it sound like
Union Square
in San Francisco?

I am unsettled
because my view
ends at the horizon,
and I can’t see
beyond my borders.

And The Habit Returns (a poem)

And The Habit Returns



Resolve is given
to quitting smoking
but what you have inhaled
is too much of her
until you cough
and it’s her perfume
that fills the air
and the only thing
your lips ache for
isn’t the papery kiss
of another filter
but the moth-like flutter
when she would
whisper your name
right in the middle
of a buss.

Korrasami season 3 analysis (part 6) - last one of the season!

Finally - the last episode of season 3 - episode 13 “venom of the red lotus” analysis. Second take.

(by the way, don’t feel discouraged to check other parts of book 3 part 5, part 4, part 3, part 2, part 1)

So, we start with Zaheer giving his speech, which sounds like a rumbling of a brainwashed kid with no opinion of his own, just repeating some words he learned. Korra is terrified, to be honest, so was I. No Korrasami here.

Now, when Jinora comes back from spying and Ikki says:“Korra will come to save us, right..?”, I was surprised to hear Jinora’s response (“I think we’ll got to do this on our own…”).She’s an airbender, basically already a master with the strongest spiritual connection that we know of. She just heard that these guys want to end the avatar cycle. I would expect her replay to be: “i think we’ll have to save her this time…” and not so selfish (?. not the best word choice, but hope you’ll get what i mean) one. Again, no Korrasami here.

By the way, poison administration is the only scene in the whole show we see Korra’s forearms. And shape of her lips too.


The gang is rushing towards the cave. Of course, Asami is driving Oogi. There’s nothing this girl can’t drive. But look at her pose.

She’s leaning forward. As if trying to get faster to the place (a lot of people dothe same thing when they driving their cars and being late for a meeting or something - they lean forward). She want to get there - no nanosecond wasted. And she’s also focused as if building a new engine. She does not actually need to “steer” Oogi or do this with so much concentration. I think she’s preparing herself for the coming battle and all the ass-kicking she’ll be doing. And, of course - saving Korra. That’s the most important thing in the world. And fulfilling the mission Korra trusted her with - saving the airbenders.

But then again, Kai is also in the same position as Asami… So maybe this is just a bison driving pose… at least to some extent… (although as far as i remember, both Aang and Tenzin sat straight while doing this). Kai needs to lean forward to hold himself on the bison, Asami, on the other hand, does not need to do that. So i think that’s a psychological moment to get faster to her destination.


They finally see the cave. We have clear visuals on four people: Tonraq, Bolin, Kai and Asami. I can’t really read Tonraq’s expression. It’s not that he’s angry, filled with hate or revenge. He’s an experienced warrior so he knows better than to let emotions take on. But still. His daughter is in a very serious life threatening danger. Maybe even dead by now - he does not know that. And yet he looks at the cave as if thinking: “so this is the place…ok." Bolin is also emotionless, even though his new lover is there. The only people expressing some kind of emotions are Kai and Asami. Their faces looks similar with more planning and action sequences in Asami’s. There’s hurt, cold anger, revenge and determination in them.


(Tenzin: "Find the airbenders. And my family.” Sooo… Tenzin, does this mean: “screw the avatar, screw Korra”..? or “my family” includes Korra too…? Still not very clear on this one.)


And here’s the moment. The moment Asami lets out all of that frustration she was holding ever since the battle in Zaofu.

This guard threw some rocks at them, Su blocked it with that small earth wall and, she was prepared to take him on. But Asami rushed. She jumps through the wall right at him. Will all what was building inside of her. This guy is from Red Lotus. He’s a part of organization who wanted to kill Korra. Maybe even already did that. He’s a part of the organization, who made her do that unthinkable choice: her or the airbenders. They are pure evil. And they must go down hard. The harder, the better. They need to suffer as much, as they made Korra suffer. I saw that look on Asami only when she was fighting the equalists - another personal fight for her.

Heck, even before she attacked him, she stared-to-kill at him. At them.


So the airbenders is Asami’s mission given to her by Korra (“help me save the airbenders, then you can worry about saving me”). Just a moment ago Asami went-for-the-kill and now she changed completely. While unlocking Jinora she’s warm and carrying again. She completed the thing Korra asked her to do. Ok, Korra asked all of them, but still… Asami did good. Asami saved. Finally. Again, if we included the desert incident.


Again, the reunion part is kind of strange. Ok, i get that everyone is happy to see everyone is fine, alive and stuff, but again, Korra. The avatar. Their friend. Daughter. Ex-lover. Crush. And stuff. She’s still missing. And they don’t know anything about her. Where is she? Is she’s even still alive? How can they save her? Tonraq seems a bit displeased with the happiness everyone share (hands crossed, eyebrows furrow. Maybe it’s his natural warrior stance?)

Mako, Jinora and Kai looks the strangest - they seemed surprised. (“Korra? How’s that? What about her?”). Asami? I think she calculates her avail. And the odds it’s not how she would like, so maybe that’s why she does not volunteer herself to go together with Tonraq. (Although i think that Asami could have taken on Ming Hua. And the fight would be very interesting. Long water tentacles vs. airbender-like evasiveness, agility and, of course, electric glove…epic.)


Ok, so Tonraq, Mako, Bolin goes for Korra. Korra goes into avatar state and chases Zaheer. Mako deals with Ming Hua, Bolin - with Ghazan. Tonraq runs ourside - to Korra and Zaheer. Everybody is already there.

Tonraq and Kai are the only ones that demand/declare/propose help to Korra with her fight with Zaheer. From the green airbenders perspective, it’s understandable - they have no idea what the hell they can do and how. They don’t have self confidence and self awareness enough (Kai seems to be the exception). Tenzin, Kya, Bumi are beaten up. Although Tenzin still could command something (but then again, maybe he does not want to ask the new recruits to endanger themselves? But does he not care about Korra? The avatar? His father’s reincarnation? It might end up for good if she dies. Is it the dilemma of “the airbenders or the avatar” on his shoulders now? He looks very Hamlet-like here then). Su? Lin? The fight is going in the air, but still they can throw some rocks at Zaheer at least. Asami? I think the helplessness feeling is back again. The only way she could help take down Zaheer is for anyone to shout Sokka’s style “sneak attack!” while attacking him and, hoping that this would distract Zaheer, Asami could jump on his back and give what he deserves with her electric glove. So what she does is just stands there and worries. And i don’t think that she feels like it’s her place to ask for any of them to risk their lives to save Korra. But then again, who cares about the image in life-death situations..?

There are some strange things here though. We know that Asami worries - her face is all about that, inner prayers and similar stuff, but her body is all about confidence. Her hands would be in more context if they were drown by her side with tight fists - sign of hopeless anger towards Zaheer.


After the fight, Korra is down. Jinora is the first one by her side (she’s the closest one). Then we see Tonraq, Mako and Asami rushing to her. I just wonder why Asami is after Mako and not vice versa.

Mako is also half step closer to Korra than Asami.

(in later scenes, it’s clear that Asami is closer half a step to Korra than Mako. So maybe it’s just a guff. Or maybe Asami moved closer at some point.)

I also wonder why Asami did not rush to Korra’s side together with Tonraq… Maybe she was too terrified. Maybe some rational side of her brain didn’t let her do that.


When Su rushes to Korra to take the poison out, we see that Asami already has her hands in a praying position. She might have held them like that the moment she rushed to Korra. During the poison removal her hands are in the same position.

This indicates a great level of carrying, Love? Sure! What kind? Unknown. Especially since Asami was not the only one keeping her hands like that.

(notice the tear in Bolin’s eye…)

very sensitive people tend to keep their hands like that (it has many interpretations under it: asking for help of the higher power, not feeling alone <- kind of like supporting oneself and some others). I would guess that that’s the case with the airbender - she might be just extremely sensitive and emotional. Ikki? She cares about Korra. I would guess that she sees Korra as her big sister-grandfather. Asami..? Some people interpret this moment as the enlightenment moment for Asami, when she understood her feelings for Korra. Might be. But even if it’s true, then that happened in a subconscious level as consciously she’s way to busy…

Also, the difference between Asami’s hand holding and Ikki’s as
well as the airbender’s is, that Asami keeps her hands closer to her chest. As
if trying to keep something from running away. As if trying to keep her heart
from jumping out of her chest. As if trying to hold life itself. A bit more,
and it seems that her hands would pass through her sternum to her heart 
(ok, heart is on the left side, but somehow people intuitively grab the middle
of their chest when having very emotional, hearty experiences).

Her concern about Korra also seems bigger compared to Mako even if you look only at their faces. It again might be due to Mako’s face inability to express emotions or the fact that Asami, although more rational, is also more emotional than him, but still…

(remember how Asami and Korra agreed that Mako has difficulties with emotional stuff..?)


Now look at Asami (she’s blury, but still) after Su took out the poison and Korra is coughing. She’s more relieved. She still holds some level of concern, but she at least knows that Korra is alive. And will be. And that’s the most important thing. At least, for now.

Also, Asami is the only close person to Korra seen in this picture. In the first one, when Su just ran to Korra, Asami whas standing approximately at the place, where the nameless airbender stands now (look 4 pictures up). So the creators moved Asami so, that she would be present at the scene of poison removal from Korra. Why? The only explanation - she’s more important than the others. Adding the nameless guy creates a feeling of “accidental” appearance.



Now, two weeks after. We are shown that the action takes in air temple island. And what’s the first thing we are shown? Asami’s seductive lips. Why the hell one would want to show that? We know that she has great lips. She is one of the two (thank’s to one of the readers, who’s name i lost somehow, for pointing out that there are more than two lipstick girls) three (four?) characters in the show wearing a lipstick (other being Su, Lin and, might be Kya <- her lips are brownish, so i’m not sure about that). Movies use these kind of shots to increase level of appeal of a character. Or to show the romantic nature of his appearance towards the other character the first one is interacting with.


Asami does Korra’s hair. The easy feeling, that Korra is fine, is still in her. She’s happy about that, but she also emphasises with Korra’s suffering. That is why she tries to sound so cheerful/cheering, speaking in a little higher pitch and exclamatory sentence: “there you go! All fixed up for a formal Avatar appearance - take a look!”

This does not work. So Asami tries something different - making a connection, vocally comfort Korra with her hand on Korra’s shoulder. She wants to show Korra, that Korra does not need to go through her hard time and a rock alone (support from the start to the end). Asami knows what is like to be alone and to have somebody at these kind of moments. And she already made up her mind to stick by Korra’s side - to do whatever, to make Korra’s suffering easier.

Asami might not have experience the exact thing as Korra does, but she had her share of suffering (and not that small one too). So she can relate to Korra probably way better than anybody else. And also she’s the one who can best console in the way Korra needs (Mako definitely not the guy to have around for these kind of moments, Bolin would make a joke with the intention, to make her feel better, Tenzin would give a metaphysical lecture, not sure about her father and her mother. So we are left with Asami. This also explains why Korra, as we will later see, wrote only to Asami).


We come to the most talked-about moment: “if you ever want to talk about”. Asami connects with Korra starting with the words: “nobody expects you to bounce back right away. It’s only been two weeks. You need time to heal.” All concentration on Korra and her needs. By this time, Asami knows Korra pretty well and knows that Korra wants to push herself and be right back in the action, to help everyone, to save everyone. But Korra hates to accept help (remember, she wanted to defeat Amon and all equalists by herself. Alone. Just later she was convinced by Bolin to let them help her). And also, sitting helpless is not something Korra is very good at or used to. And Asami can relate to that too - the feeling helpless part. So Asami tells Korra, that she is ok the way she is now. Even though Korra is probably beating herself up right now for not being able to even take care of herself. In that sentence, Asami basically says, that Korra needs to take care of herself and not beat herself. But Asami does not receive any reaction from Korra. Then she goes a bit further: “I want you to know that I’m here for you. If you ever want to talk - eyes down away from Korra’s eyes - or - eyes back to Korra’s  - anything.” It’s seems that she’s hesitant about the “anything” part. She does feel the “anything” part, but isn’t sure if it’s the right moment, the right place, the right everything to tell it. And also, it might be, that she’s a bit shy to say it too.

After that, she immediately jumps to other topic: “let’s just try to enjoy this today. For Jinora.” Asami knows how much Korra cares for the airbenders. She almost died for them. So, although it might be a little manipulative, Asami will use this card, if it means that Korra will feel even a bit better. Even if it’s ‘fake it till you make it’. And it works. It looks as if Korra finally remembers why this dressing up is all about - Jinora. Why, not only how, she let herself get into this state. So she will try to enjoy this. For Jinora. And for Asami it’s enough.


At the temple, we see Senna running to her daughter to give her a hug. Why would she do that? Unless she just recently got to the air temple. But what kind of mother is she to stay two weeks away from her heavily injured daughter who even can’t dress herself? We know that she’s a carrying mother, so unless it was Korra who insisted that she would stay at home argueing, that Asami already is taking good care of her.

And look at Asami here. She’s happy, that Korra has her family here. They too can show, that Korra is not alone in this, who can support her and, hopefully, cheer her up a bit. Asami knows the need of family support very well.


Raiko is an ass. From the first season, to his death he will be an ass (sadly, Zaheer didn’t take him down. Thought: if elected politician is a reflection of the society, what kind of people live in the Republic city/United nations..?).

Every time I think about Raiko, I want to strangle him, so I won’t write his and Korra’s history. He still manages to be a selfish ass even when Korra nearly died and is crippled now. And he managed to make Korra go more gloomy again. And Asami is great. She feels Korra is uncomfortable immediately and manages the situation as a master airbender does that 2000 years relic which got burned down by Korra in book 1: “we should go inside.” and she makes that apologetic face at Raiko (but probably kicking his ass in her mind big time).


Immediately, Ikki and Meelo rush to Korra. Ikki wants to help and Asami makes that weird, confused face. We didn’t see her interacting with the airbender kids a lot. So this might be why she feels a bit strange next to them.

But then a smile appears on Korra’s face as Meelo gets all comfy on Korra’s lap. And Asami looks different. She looks grateful to the kids. They made Korra feel at least a bit better, so it doesn’t matter.

Ikki here seems to help Asami push Korra. She either holds her hands in front of Asami’s or, at least partially, has them on Asami’s palms (if that’s the case, it might explain the confusion and weirdness in Asami’s face moments ago).

Stairs. And gloomy Korra is back. She can’t even climb the stairs. How pathetic is that?! The mighty avatar. Talking about strong punch below the belt…it’s nothing compared to this.

Lin sympathizes with Korra. She could not save her benders from Amon. Had her bending taken. She also understands how Korra feels. And this is the only time we see Lin looking at Korra with these or similar feelings.

Asami appreciates both Lin’s help and her support. The more, the better? Not sure. But it seems, that Asami thinks, that Korra needs to feel that nobody is pushing her. That everybody understands and let’s her take her time. So, maybe, eventually Korra will let herself take care a bit about herself after feeling all that care from others.


(I can’t get enough of the animation in this show. Everything is so thought through to the slightest detail. This is the best show nick has or had. And, if they won’t show any avatar series, will have.)

And also, notice how the characters are placed. Lin, Su, Pema, Bolin, Mako and Raiko-ass is on the left. Bumi, Kya, Zuko, Tonraq, Senna, Asami and Korra is on the right. Asami stands with the family members next to Korra. Not with the friends. Even though Mako was Korra’s first love and Bolin was the her first friend in Republic city. It’s Asami who stands next to Korra.

What is more, Asami is standin on Korras right (not the first time!!!!!) and also closer to her than her father. This means that of all the people present at the temple, Asami is the most important person to Korra. The closest one.


So poor writing? NO WAY!!!!! That was a great writing! Very subtle, delicate. Great writing! We need to see more of those and not some: “i love you.” and: “let’s have sex” on the second date.


(Sorry for the lack of synonyms and repetitions - english is not my native language, so the smell of lack of expressiveness might be felt. Nevertheless, i hope you enjoyed it! ;) )

I wash my body compulsively 
to remove every cell of your skin
even if it’s been 14 days 
since the last time your fingers
wandered on my body.

I only asked you one thing;
“Don’t leave without an explanation.”

It’s January and unexpectedly hot outside.
I told you I love it when cold air fills up my lungs
and when you last pressed your lips on mine
I felt that kind of air freezing my lungs 
then my heart.
It’s unexpectedly hot outside and my goddamn
heart still shivers at the thought of you.

You promised me one thing;
“I will never leave you just like this.”

Some promises are meant to be 
tangled in between messy sheets,
where the passion and the words
of one forgotten night full of desire
lay.

Some promises are meant to be made
during the sleepless nights in the middle
of a small room with red lighting 
during the moment our naked bodies
are pressed together.

You left me
Just like this.
And I got nothing of you
other than the feel of your fingers
in between my thighs.

poem about him

of all the drugs i’ve tried,

you were the hardest.

my world desperately mimicked yours

with patchouli and stardust.

i sang sweet summer wine and

drank your cheap boxed kind;

life was rolling stoned in the middle

of the sea,

pretending not to feel

too much and not enough. 

then

i plummeted into the ice water while you turned away

in blissful ignorance…

until my hard bleached soul washed to shore. 

i knew i had you no more

than i had my sanity.

but i grew webbed mermaid feet

that grew into legs,

and evolved and stood

and walked far away

as i watched you, rolling stoned, in the rotten water of low tide.

but

last night,

you muddled my dreams.

and here i am,

sleep - less

at sunrise, struggling to finally

express this

love? 

true depression is watching/feeling your heart get crushed like a soda can


I was sitting outside
of a Wendy’s
when I saw a fellow
housing-impaired individual
rummaging through
a garbage can
on the sidewalk.

He was also talking to
the garbage can.

He was talking to
the garbage can
like the garbage can
was an old friend
of his
from high school.

“Hell yeah!
    Go Wildcats!”

That was one of the things
he could’ve been saying
to the garbage can
    but I don’t know.

I’m only guessing
because I was too far away
to hear what he was actually saying
to his old garbage can-
friend.

If the housing-impaired
individual’s arm
were a penis
    and the garbage can
    were a vagina
the fellow
housing-impaired individual
would’ve been balls deep
in the garbage can/vagina,
    just to give you an idea
of how far down
he was reaching/
digging.

And then,
    after a minute of scrounging,
he took his arm out
of the garbage
and his hand was holding onto
an empty Mountain Dew
soda can.

The empty
Mountain Dew can
looked/felt familiar
to me…

The housing impaired individual
held up the familiar looking/feeling
soda can
and looked at it
and the expression on his face
reminded me
of when I was a little kid
and I’d get three blue
Sweet Tarts
in a row
while unraveling the pack.

And I got happy
looking at his face
that looked like my childhood memory
of getting three, blue
Sweet Tarts
in a row

but then he did something
I wasn’t ready for.
He crushed the soda can
in his hand
and,
    as he did so,
I felt this pain in my chest
that coincided along
with him crushing
the empty Mountain Dew
soda can.

I stood up from my spot
on the sidewalk,
    clutching the side of my chest
    where the pain
    was coming from,
        the side of my chest
        where my longtime, discarded
        heart used to be,
and,
    from almost a block
        away,
I yelled…

    “Hey,
you son of a bitch!

That’s mine!

Give it back!”

The fellow
housing-impaired guy
looked up
and stared at me
like I was crazy.

It’s not a good feeling
when someone who talks
to garbage cans,
    (even if they went
    to high school together)
looks at you
like    you’re
crazy.

Then the fellow
housing-impaired guy
smiled
and began laughing
at me.

His teeth were yellow
and if you were to play
his teeth
like an xylophone
his teeth would most likely
make the same sound
you would make
if you were to punch
a dead deer
lying in the middle
of the road.

Then he took
my crushed, soda can heart
and crammed it in a huge,
huge, huge,
clear, plastic bag
filled with other crushed soda can hearts
that was tied
to a shopping cart.

I looked at it,
    that bag of his.

A collection
of discarded/stolen
humanity.

Sad shit,
    man.

Sad,
    sad,
        shit…

The wind picked up
and caught the huge,
huge, huge,
clear, plastic bag
filled with other soda can hearts
like a sail
and the fellow
housing-impaired individual
sailed his shopping cart away
down the street,
    most likely in search
of other crushed hearts
to harvest
for five cents each.

    Still clutching my chest,
I sat back down,

closed my eyes

and listened to phantom gun shots
going off
in my head.

It was going to be
a beautiful day.


© Calvero 2014