me sober: my life is completely meaningless because ive deconstructed all of my own belief systems and eroded the foundations of any faith i once had thereby robbing myself of the ability to feel joy

me high: Bro these microwave tacos are surprisingly good……..

Smart Choices

Combination of: fake relationship au with Tim Drake?, and Hi could you do something where the reader is tim’s best friend and by association that means Jason isn’t a fan but he realizes he’s actually really into them? AND can you do a Tim X reader? my baby needs more love(T^T)

all requested by ANON

“You know if we keep this up for much longer people are going to start asking questions.”

    Tim doesn’t even glance at you, “What kind of questions?”

    “Marriage questions.”

    That get’s his attention, as he spins to look at you, “We’re only twenty.”

    You nod, as you finish slipping into your suit, “Yes, and we’ve been dating since we were sixteen.”

    He scowls at the word, “Why everyone is so focused on our ‘relationship,’ I’ll never know.”

    You stick your mask into place, “I would have thought it was obvious.” Tim raises an eyebrow in question, and you smirk, “You’re the adoptive son of Bruce Wayne and heir to a multi-billion dollar company in your own right. I’m a spoiled heiress set to inherit millions despite the fact that her brothers are running the company.”

    “So they want to see if it’s possible if I can spoil you anymore?”

    There’s a moment of silence before you both burst out laughing. You finish slipping your boots on and say, “I’m going to be out late tonight.”

    “Another date with Jason?”

    “Something like that.”

    Tim rolls his eyes, “To think he hated you two years ago, and now all he wants to do is cuddle.”

    You stare at your best friend, “I have no idea what you mean. I am an enchanting and beautiful creature, who only deserves the best.”

    “And yet you’re dating a dead guy.”

    You shrug, “That’s what I keep you around for.”

    “And I play along because?”

    “I keep you on a semi-regular diet, and make sure you actually sleep at night, and that you can get together with Conner whenever you feel like it.”

    Tim groans, “Being superheroes and dating is hard.”

    You nod, “Made even more difficult when your significant other is a superhero and/ or thought to be dead.”

    He shrugs and turns back to his computer, “Have fun fighting crime with Jason.”

    “I plan to, make sure you actually eat food. I left a lasagna in the fridge, all you have to do is microwave it. And good luck hacking Waller.”

    “Thanks, I’m going to need it. She’s upped her security since last time.”

    You kiss your best friend on the cheek and say, “By boo.”

    As you slip out the window, he yells, “Make smart choices!”

I'm watching Worst Cooks in America and these are some quotes from the contestants:

“I don’t understand lettuce.”

“I cut things like I’m a serial killer. Maybe I was a serial killer in another life”

“There are many different flavor combinations you probably haven’t heard of.” “I like pepperoni pizza. Is that a flavor?”

“I feel like even I can handle making a crepe. It’s just a thin pancake. But I can’t make pancakes…. soo…”

“I’m making my crepe based on colors. I’m using limes because they’re green, cherries because they’re red, and ginger root because it’s a nice beige color.”

“I’m making a hazelnut, blueberry jelly, bacon, and banana crepe. As a tribute to Elvis.”

“Today you’ll be making Greek tacos” “I don’t know anything about the Greek. I think that’s where the Romans live..?”

“That’s a bit much for a pancake. The only pancakes I make are in the microwave.”

“I’m pretty good at multitasking. I can watch tv while calling the pizza delivery guy.”

“This is so cool! I just turned egg whites into snow!”

When it comes to rules and guidelines, my rule of thumb is usually “if someone tells you not to do something, it’s cause someone’s tried it before”.

So imagine my surprise (and slight confusion) when looking up tips for washing/drying minky fabric, and seeing one of the tips saying “Minky melts, so don’t warm it in the microwave”.

I mean…it’s good advice and all….but still….

Originally posted by glory-in-fire

anonymous asked:

paladins and thier s/o at prom!!!! what do they wear?? what do they do? do they dance hardcore or chill out by the punchbowl?? tell me everything!!!


≫ shiro:

✦ prom king, lbr

✦ wears the best, most expensive tux honestly, he’s dressed in all black (literally….his tie, dress shirt, shoes, etc… all black) and his hair’s slicked back. has gold Dior cufflinks. eyeliner on point

✦ gives you a boquet of red and white roses !!

✦ shiro prefers to dance, but as soon as you’re feeling tired or don’t wanna dance anymore, he’ll gladly sit down and talk with you.

✦ kisses you a whole lot during the course of the entire night

≫ lance:


✦ probably borrowed a suit from his dad/older brother. it’s charcoal colored and he’s got a navy blue tie on.

✦ forces his mom to take tons of pictures of yall

✦ gets you a stereotypical corsage and rents a limo just so he can show everyone up

✦ will most likely end up passed out before the dance is even over

≫ keith:

✦ stole a tuxedo from shiro’s closet. he wears it really messily with everything unbuttoned and his red tie untied. he looks hot af

✦ chills by the punch bowl mostly, but he’s actually glad to spend time with you and dance when a slow song comes on

✦ drinks all the punch

✦ he makes yall leave halfway through and then just takes you out to dinner instead because honestly??? the proms are always kinda crappy

≫ hunk:

✦ CLEANS UP VERY NICELY. probably saved up his money and bought a new suit.

✦ buys you two boquets of roses plus a corsage

✦ does whatever you wanna do honestly. if you’re dancing, he’s right by your side, and if you’re chilling at the punch bowl he’s pouring some for yall & chatting with you

✦ at the end of the night, you chill at hunk’s place & watch nexflix or something while he microwaves some actually good pizza to share with you

≫ pidge:

✦ comes to prom with one of those tuxedo shirts on and some baggy jeans

✦ literally LIVES by the punch bowl, it’ll take some hard arguing for her to dance with you

✦ steals a whole plate of popcorn shrimp and eats it all

✦ on her phone 90% of the time

✦ she hacks into the dj’s computer and plays better songs lmao

“2 In the Morning.” A Cisco Ramon imagine/smut

You laid in bed as you huffed angrily. You had been waiting all night for Cisco to come home as you laid on your shared bed. You had been waiting hours for him to come home and you were growing angry. 

Suddenly hearing a key in your door you got up and stride to the door as you stood in front of it. Your arms crossed as you tapped your foot impatiently. 

“Shhh (Y/n)’s probably asleep.” Cisco whispered as he faced Barry. Barry’s eyes immediately landed on you. Giving you a sheepish smile as he pointed to you. Cisco’s brows furrowed as he turned to you. His eyes widening. 

“Hey babe!” He tried with a nervous chuckle. You raised a brow as you turned on your heel. Cisco sighed as he turned to Barry who gave him a tight lipped smile before turning to leave. Cisco shut the door as he turned back. Only to be hit with a pillow and a few blankets. He licked his lips as he opened his mouth.

“I don’t care.” You said icily causing him to flinch. “You’re sleeping on the couch and your dinner is in the microwave. Good night Cisco.” You stated as you turned and walked to the bedroom. Cisco closed his eyes with a sigh and jumped when you slammed the door. Cisco knew you had had a long day at work and to top it off…this had been the fourth date he had to miss. He knew how upset you were and you had every right to be. Cisco warmed up his food and ate in silence as the apartment, for once, was dead quiet. After Cisco ate he approached the bedroom with caution. He stopped short when he heard sniffles through the door. He knocked on it as he awaited for you to respond. 

“What Cisco?!” You said coldly as he rested his head on the door. 

“Babe can we please talk?” He begged. He didn’t like that you were angry with him. Especially when you were already stressed out from work. Suddenly the door swung open and had you not be within close proximity he would have fell forward. 

“Talk about what Cisco?! About how work comes first?! How you’re too busy for me!? Yeah let’s talk about it!” You said with anger laced in every word. Cisco felt his heart break at your puffy eyes. To know he was the source of your sadness made his heart heavy as you walked down the hall to the kitchen to get a water. 


“Do you not love me?” You whispered with sadness in your voice. Cisco’s eyes widened at your words. 

“Of course I love you! I’m just busy!” He said as he tried to reason with you. You shook your head as you brushed past him. 

“Cisco it’s two in the morning I’m going to bed.” 
“Not till we figure this out. I can’t bear to know you’re going to bed angry with me.” 
“I’m not angry…”

“Don’t lie…please don’t lie.” He whispered as tears filled his eyes. You gingerly played with the hem of your shirt, well, Cisco’s shirt. His eyes roamed your face looking for any sign of any emotion. The sullen look on your face only added to his tight heart. He pulled you into his arms as he rested his chin on the top of your head. Burying your face in his neck as his long hair tickled your nose. Cisco closed your eyes and inhaled deeply. Taking your scent before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

“I won’t ever stop loving you…my princesa.” He muttered as you looked up at him. He squished your face in attempt to make you giggle. He did and smiled at your pure giggle before kissing you passionately. 

“Let me make up for lost time.” He whispered as he quickly reconnected your lips as you nodded. His hands rested on your bum before giving it a squeeze, signaling for you to jump. You did so and wrapped your legs around his waist as he pressed kisses to your neck as he opened the door to the bedroom. He gingerly laid you on the bed as he tugged carefully on the boxer shorts you were wearing. Also his. He let you sit up long enough for the both of you to take off your shirts before reconnecting your lips. 

“I’d love to do foreplay, princesa, but I need to be in you now.” He begged as you nodded in agreement as he pulled down his underwear with fervor. He looked into your eyes as he ran a hand through your hair before slowly pushing inside of you. Your back arched as he slowly and rhythmically moved his hips forward and back. A thumb was suddenly pressed to your clit and moved in small circles as you looked at him with lust filled eyes. 

“I’m not going to last long with you doing that.” You whispered as you clenched around him. He moaned as he nodded. 

“Feelings mutual princesa.” He said as he twitched inside of you, causing you to cum. Cisco moaned as you ran a hand through his hair. 

“C’mon Cis…let go.” You panted as you rode through your orgasm. He released inside of you as he buried his head in your neck with a content sigh. He rolled over and checked the clock.

“It’s four am. Tomorrow I’m staying home and we’re staying in bed…all. Day.” He said as a matter of factly. You giggled as you cuddled into his side with a smile. 

anonymous asked:

okay like... for real though, 1800s Sid is absolutely amazed by frozen TV dinners and frozen waffles and the like. Geno sent him out once to get groceries and Sid just returns with bags and bags full of Hungry Man dinners and Hot Pockets and frozen mixed veggies. Geno tries to discourage him but eventually just settles for eating hot pockets every other night because he doesn't want to be wasteful. (Sid ends up not liking them but he's too stubborn to admit it)

Geno, upon seeing Sidney with bags just full of microwavable frozen goods: Sidney, I’m not college student anymore. We can shop at Trader Joe’s. 
Sidney: I don’t know what Hot Pockets have to do with higher education or who this Trader Joe is.

and then later, when Sidney is unwillingly trying to finish the last of the Hot Pockets - 
Geno: Baby…you don’t have to finish it.
Sidney: Zhenya, one box cost me five dollars. I must finish it or it’d be a waste.
Geno: We give to Olli. He loves Hot Pockets.
Sidney: Oh, thank God. 

anonymous asked:

*frolics in* Everyone please stop blowing up microwaves it's not safe and can result in serious bodily harm. Although it may sound fun or exciting it is not a wise thing to do. Don't do it and don't encourage others to do it. Not only are you wasting a perfectly good microwave, you are doing something incredibly dangerous with little to no regard for yourself. Please stop this at once. *frolics away*

Listen to frolicker anon. This is serious

Mother’s Day [ML Ficlet]

Miraculous Ladybug ficlet dreamed up while I was stuck in traffic. Happy Mother’s Day!

For once, it is not the screeching of her alarm that wakes her. She comes to in a warm haze, the cling of sleep muting the world around her to a few fuzzy pops off color: greens, blues, pinks. It’s a cozy wakefulness, and she lets out a creaky hum of contentment.

Her voice stirs the man at her back: moments later she feels the barest of kisses on her skin. She lets her eyes fall back shut and nestles up against his chest. The kisses continue, tracing unspoken words across her back, shoulders, and neck. It’s only when he leaves a large open mouth kiss between her shoulder blades and fans four smaller kisses around it that she giggles and opens her eyes again.

“Good morning, snugglebug,” Adrien murmurs into her skin.

Keep reading

Kagehina Headcanons
  • Kageyama won’t ever admit that seeing Hinata wear his shirts is possibly the most attractive thing he’s ever seen. Hinata knows it too, so he purposefully wears baggy boyfriend shirts without anything underneath.
  • Natsu asked Kageyama to marry her once when he brought over candy for her. Hinata was offended when Kageyama immediately got down on one knee and told her she could marry him once she was older, but they both knew it was all in good fun.
  • One time Kageyama thought Noya’s advice about putting a fork in the microwave was a good idea. Hinata didn’t let him forget about that particular mistake for months after he nearly destroyed his mother’s kitchen.
  • Whenever Kageyama is stressed, Hinata invites himself over and just sits in his lap, babbling away at his boyfriend cheerfully until Kageyama calms down.
  • Kageyama will purposefully hide Hinata’s favorite foods on high shelves so his boyfriend has to ask him for help. He stopped doing that when Hinata got fed up and tried to stand on a chair to reach his cocoa puffs and fell off. 
  • When Hinata gets drunk, he craves fast food. Kageyama is the unfortunate driver who has to put up with his boyfriend’s babbling and crying about how he wants nuggets and mcflurries. 
Rain Summoning Spell Jar

Here it is everyone, my Rain Summoning Spell Jar. It is a simple spell that you can use to brin rain when you need it. It is very much like a a glitter jar or sensory jar but with some intent and magick added to it I have found it to be quite successful!

You will Need: 

  • a jar with a tightly screwing lid, I used a jelly jar myself 
  • rain water (you may mix it with tap water, if you have no rain water tap water will do though rain water works much better) 
  • blue glitter 
  • white glitter 
  • blue water color or food coloring 
  • clear hand soap 
  • a sigil to bring rain, I used one from this page of sigils 
  • a marker that won’t rub off easily 
  • (optional) rain sounds playing in the background

Firstly, make sure your jar you are using is nice and clean of any dust or anything that was previously in it. Clean the lid as well. Make sure the lid screws on nice and tightly and that it won’t rust, this is why I recommend canning or jelly making jars for they don’t typically tend to rust. You don’t want bits of rust floating in your jar spell, this could very well ruin the entire spell and contaminate it.

Now take your rain water (tap water if needed) and warm it. Don’t heat it to boiling, you just want it to be nice and warm like a bath tub. On the stove top is fine or in a tea kettle, microwaves also are good for getting it warm fast. Be sure to have it in a container that is easy to pour it from, especially if you have a smaller jar. Once it is heated take your food coloring or watercolor and add a tiny bit to make the water a faint shade of blue. You don’t wish it to be too dark or cloudy. In your jar add your glitter to the bottom.

Take the colored water and fill your jar half way up, this is important, too much water and the glitter won’t move around properly, but too little and the glitter will move too slowly and will look more like fog or snow rather than a rain like effect. As you pour the water in imagine rain pouring from the sky, coating the ground with moisture and covering the leaves of trees and plants in rain drops. “Rain rain, hear my plea, come soak the earth, fill me with glee.”

Now carefully take your clear soap and fill it until the jar is nearly filled all the way. You want to have a small area of air in the jar to make shaking it easier. Screw on the lid tightly.

Take your marker and draw your rain sigil atop the lid as such:

Seal the spell jar with your energy, for me I did it with an intent filled kiss. Once the spell is sealed take the jar and give it a good long shake. Watch the glitter float about and imagine it to be drops of rain swirling about in the atmosphere before falling to earth. Put the jar down and have patience.

Whenever you need some rain give the jar a good shaking and focus your energy to bring on the rain showers! Mine I have personally found takes around 2-5 days to summon the rain but I am sure it varies.

anonymous asked:

If you're still taking prompts? Honestly, Bucky referring to Steve's pecs as tits and his briefs as panties really Does Things to me. I didn't think I'd dig feminization or humiliation, but the light way you do it really strikes a chord with me because of the way he BLUSHES, Christ; it's the edge of humiliation that does it. So I'd really like to prompt a heavy humiliation kink with a side of feminization. If, uh, that's ok.

i’m gonna give you a drunk write. i promise it is no lower in quality or content. it is simply very well timed that you asked for this at this precise moment, when i am in a perfect mindset to deliver precisely what it is everyone in this fandom needs. the title of this piece will be “MY MAMA TAUGHT ME GOOD HOME TRAININ,” as inspired by beyonce. low key feminization is life. 

Bucky kicks off his boots and toes off his socks at the door, and then he peels off his gloves and his tac gear, and lets it clatter onto the tile. Pick it up later. He runs a hand through his hair, short again on account of all the ops he’s been running – practical – and rounds into the kitchen, scrubbing at some dried blood on his face.

Steve turns to look at him, already back into civvies, just because his debrief was shorter. He’s one shower closer to normal than Bucky. “Hey,” he says, offering up a tired smile. “Got dinner in the microwave. You good?” 

“I love it when you cook, sweetheart.” Bucky drags up the tease from somewhere deep in his exhausted body; what can he say, Steve just makes him smile. “Where’s your apron, huh?” 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

im defending lampisimportant's honour i also blow up microwaves,,,, its a good pasttime and vv fun. its a bonding experience for friends ok.

Oh my gosh

Have you considered something safer like making friendship bracelets???

I’ve seen some people recommend buying boxes of regular pasta and cooking them in the microwave in a bowl as an alternative to instant noodles like easy mac or ramen.  

I recommend against using a bowl though.  Get a good (microwave safe) Square plastic container about 4 inches deep instead.  ziploc makes good ones, or there are off-brand at the dollar store.

Just put your pasta in( my go-to is a mix of macaroni and angel hair broken in half) and microwave for about six minutes(or longer) on high. When it’s done, draining is easy because of the shape of the container. Simply hold it over the sink, tilt one corner towards the drain and hold a fork across the corner to keep the pasta in the container. Then season to taste. ( my go-to is to throw in some butter,garlic, salt and put it back in the microwave to melt, then add grated parmesan.)

anonymous asked:

I love it when absurd stuff like this happens. Suddenly everyone is talking about blowing up microwaves...Be good, kids. Stay in school, don't do drugs, stop blowing up goddamn microwaves, all that jazz -Castor