microwave and shit

A Friend Of A Friend, These Strangers At The Party Never Paid

summary: “I left phone number on the bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a month & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are” AU

words: 12.7k

warnings: smut, mentions of smoking, alcohol/being drunk, lack of imagination as far as fic titles are concerned

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Can you believe this was meant to be 3k?? I honeslty don’t know what happened there. all I know is that I have five exams in less than three weeks that I should be revising for and instead did this. yikes I hope this was worth it. (also pray4me that I don’t fail everything) x

Also on the topic of exams the actual reason I wrote this now was bc I’m kinda not gonna be writing for a while because of Lovely responsibilities and school stuff and revision so I’m gonna leave yall with this before I’m off Working and doing fun stuff that adults do.

I hope this is ok!!

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Dan’s halfway through skipping History when he does it.

He doesn’t know why he did it – he really doesn’t, he was just kind of bored one afternoon and happened to be carrying a Sharpie and hey, it’d just be a laugh, right? In a school like this, what’s the worst that could come out of leaving his phone number on a cubicle wall?

His pen squeaks across the pale blue paint, already tainted with curse words and penis drawings and tipp-ex and “Call _____ for a good time ;)”. He supposes the caretakers have given up with trying to cover up the graffiti – there are still thin layers of paint and chipped plaster coating every inch of the stall walls, at least showing attempted coverage, but people had just written over them, scribbles of song lyrics and “never got caught” tattooing every inch of the previously blank walls. No amount of assemblies or threats of “whoever did this-“, inserts picture of something someone had written about the Maths teacher on the hall projector, “is seriously going to pay” from the head teacher had ever stopped anyone, so, really, what does Dan have to lose? Sure, they could trace the phone number, but that doesn’t prove anything – he could just as easily throw on the ‘innocent’ act and say it was his friend.

07843983276, he writes. He doesn’t sign it off with any comment, nor kisses, not even a smiley face let alone a winking one. He just leaves it there, in a kind-of conspicuous place just above eye-level on the right hand side of the door, eleven digits amidst many others.

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anonymous asked:

My Boyfriend just discovered your blog and he's like "this shit is wild. Next thing these witches will be saying is that I can make a sigil on my microwave burrito with hot sauce and curse my dad" and I just want you to know that you're making people who aren't even into witchcraft weirdly happy and curious.

Microwave this shit and your dad will be in the hospital.

(You have no idea how much fun me and my boyfriend had making this. Thanks for making my day ^_^)

bloodstar-lore  asked:

♒ sportarobbie headcanon?

Cooking/Food Headcanon for Sportarobbie

  • The different ways they eat was a real point of contention in the beginning of their relationship.
  • It was the thing that would get them into arguments the most.
  • Eventually though, they figured that working together on making meals, the contention melted away, and both learned different eating habits.
  • For Robbie, this meant a LOT healthier
  • As it turns out, Robbie is a fantastic cook.  He had no idea.  He before just microwaved shit or just ate it straight out of the can.
  • Sportacus is a decent-enough cook, but he lets Robbie take the reins whenever they make meals.
  • Robbie eventually eats much healthier
  • And Sportacus eventually eats more of a variety
  • And they don’t argue about food anymore!
  • (This is why conversation is good, kids)
Short, Joe Sugg Imagine

-Gif not mine-

-Joe sung is made fun of for being short so you and up for him-

You were at your boyfriend Joe’s house with all of his buddies. You were making yourself and Joe some popcorn to share during the movie you had forced all of them to watch and was melting some butter. Josh was sat on the counter while talking to Joe who was standing next to him showing him some pictures he had of their friends from the night before. The two of them would giggle and it caused you to smile. The other boys were sat in the living room talking loudly but it came through as mumbles.

You threw some butter into the pan and turned around noticing your forgot to put the popcorn in the microwave. “Shit” you say under your breath and Joe, as caring as he was asked if you were alright. You nod your head and explain the situation to him and both him and Josh burst out laughing at your mistake.

“It’s in that cupboard babe” Joe says pointing to the cupboard which was high above the sink. You look at it and instantly see it as a challenge. You were considered short, at least when you were surrounded by all of the guys and you didn’t want to make it seem like a big deal.

You walk closer to the cupboard and jump to grab the handle but miss. You sigh and try once again, this time successfully grazing the handle. You instantly feel defeated and stop trying, turning to Joe for help.

Joe was about to come to your rescue when Josh put his hand on his chest to stop him. “Woah short stuff, calm down, clearly she needs someone tall to grab it for her” Josh says pushing himself forward to come and grab the popcorn for you. Joe’s face became straight and you could tell he was annoyed.

At that moment Jack just so happened to walk in to grab himself some water and laughed at the sight of Josh coming to the rescue instead of Joe. “Looks like you’re dating the wrong guy” Jack says snickering. “Pfft, don’t take it the wrong way, Joe just isn’t tall enough” Josh says while handing you the popcorn bag.

You almost didn’t want to take it from him but you did anyways. You unwrap the bag and throw it in the microwave setting it for the time it needed. You turn back to see Josh patting Joe on the head while Jack stayed to carry on the insults.

Joe looked to you clearly upset, you wanted to help but with Jack and Josh on a roll, they would’ve just made it worse. The popcorn dings signalling it’s ready and you turn around to grab it, pouring the melted butter on top of it once it was in the bowl. You zoned out the boys rude comments while doing so and when you turned back around you were surprised to see Joe had left the room along with the other two.

You leave the kitchen to walk into the living room and are upset when you see the group of boys joking about Joe’s height when Joe was no where in the room.

“Hey small, where’s short?” Conor asks giving you and Joe nicknames causing the rest of the boys to laugh. You don’t respond because you were afraid you would lose it on his friends and make yourself out to be crazy. You wanted to keep things peaceful; that was until one friend took it too far.

“You need someone a little taller in your life” Jack says standing up giving you a wink while wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

You push his arm off your shoulder and put the popcorn down on the table to stand in front of the TV facing everyone. All eyes were on you and you could tell they knew you were mad. “Why the hell are you doing this?!” you yell angrily, “Joe isn’t even in the room and you’re still talking shit… even if it is just jokes, you clearly hurt him”.

The boys don’t respond and just look shocked. “I love Joe for who he is and you guys should stop bugging him about his height, go apologize” you say pointing to the hallway. Nobody moved until you looked Mikey in the eyes and pointed once again. He stood up out of fear and slowly each of them followed.

They were gone for a few minutes and you sat on the couch trying to get comfortable. When they return Joe was with them and he gave you a smile as he came to lean in and give you a kiss.

“I mean, boys, if we’ve learned anything tonight, it’s that Y/N wears the pants in that relationship” Josh says laughing, the boys joining in with him. Joe sat down next to you and kissed your forehead as the boys continued to make fun of how you stood up for Joe.

It didn’t offend you and Joe because you both knew that it just meant you cared about each other. As they carried on before the movie you both just rolled your eyes and carried on minding your own businesses.

A little more than friends

Description: Kuro never knew how much his smile meant to him, until he couldn’t see it anymore. He had no idea what true guilt felt like until then, Mahiru hadn’t been the same. He was pushing himself too far. Was it really all his fault? Could he do something to help his partner?

Fandom: Servamp

Pairing: MahiKuro/KuroMahi

Word Count: 2089

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

@fandomagics

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The Girl In The Drawings

Request: Oh man, you’re taking requests?? I have a thing for Artist!Bucky? Maybe Steve takes classes and Bucky likes one of the models Steve sketched so he starts tagging along? Please and thank you!? -namay 

A/N: hi!hello! i havent written in weeks and im sorry and i suck but you know what also sucks? this fic!!! also its not really artist!bucky bc im trash. anyways, i hope you like it, if not yikesy

Bucky groggily rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes as he stumbles out of his room and makes his way towards the kitchen. Again he stayed up later than usual trying to finish a business report that was due and again it was a mistake. His hand meets the coldness of the counter’s surface as it glides across it, only stopping when it bumps into one of his roommate’s sketchbooks. Steve, you punk. You left your book behind again, Bucky chuckled to himself as he picks up the leather bounded book and hops onto the counter, crossing his legs and placing the book in his lap. He flutters through the pages quickly, just wanting a quick glance at the things his friend draws, but soon he takes his time leafing through the book as it becomes apparent most of the sketches are of the same beautiful girl. One particular sketch catches Bucky’s eye, it’s one of where the girl has a sly Mona Lisa smile as she looks over her shoulder and he can’t believe how perfectly Steve was able to capture the mischievous look in her eyes. The way Steve drew her hair naturally flowing down one shoulder, it made it seem so real and Bucky couldn’t help but carefully run his fingers down the page as if he could somehow feel her through the paper and is somewhat disappointed when he can’t.

“Who is she?” Bucky said out loud in a hushed whisper as he continues to stare at the sketch. He leafs through a few more pages, admiring her smile in every single one of them. He concludes that the girl must be an art student along with Steve and the reason why he hasn’t seen her on his campus. Bucky closes the sketchbook, almost as if he doesn’t want to let her go, but he knows it’s wrong to look at Steve’s drawings without his permission. He places the book back on the counter and hops off, glancing at the clock on the microwave.

“Shit,” he mumbled before running back to his room.

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  • What I say: I'm fine
  • What I'm thinking about: what I don't get about Kitchen Nightmares is why the chefs and owners get so offended by Gordon Ramsay? Like their the ones who asked him to come in and help them save their buisnesses yet are ready to punch him in the face when he says their food is terrible. Like you wouldn't of called him in if things were going well, you shouldn't of wanted to be on a show called "Kitchen Nightmares"! Yet every episode owners get so butthurt when Gordon Ramsay tells them that their microwaved roadkill is shit. Like what the heck? Why do they even force poor Gordon Ramsay to do this show? Every single damn episode the chefs get so angry to hear Gordon Ramsay spit out their shitty food...
Early (domestic!calum)

Originally posted by cashtonkinks

Request: no

Warnings: smut

A/N: this probably isn’t that great, but I hope you like it..? 


“fuck, babe, please,” he whimpered, desperately bucking his hips upwards at yours, his hands secured to the sides of his head with your own.
you scoffed, lifting your hips further away from his, reveling in the feeling of him being at your complete mercy.

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