Waving

Your
bumblebee smile
still flutters
in my lungs
though you
are sleeping
with the dead daisies.
I
still try
to say goodbye
through wrinkled teeth
but it always
collapses
like your heart,
trying to beat away
a thousand
infections.
I’m carving
your peace
into the throat
of our old
neighborhood
and walking away
but always looking
back
because,
without your
laughing ghost,
this town
is nothing
but a stray
crying spell.
It crawls
up my spine
to sleep
in my cortex
and dream
of you and I
playing
with scattered toys
on our
living room floor
and it
will never
awaken.

the hardest part about leaving toxic people is that you know when you leave, they won’t chase after you. they won’t be begging on their hands and knees for you like you would have done for them. they’ll just let you walk away, never even look at you in their rear view mirror, and move on like nothing has changed. and it’s terrifying, because you’ll finally have to come to the cold hard realization that they never cared if you stayed.

nothing will ever hurt like loving someone
who will never love you in return.
and yet,
as i’m melting in your hands, i’m thinking,
darling,
it was a pleasure to burn.
—  if this love should end in fire || r.m. || 7.27.17
When I look at
the night sky
I see only a few
stars,
but the longer I
stare
the more stars
appear
and I wonder if it
is not so different
with people.
—  // 04.11.14 // I FIND NEW THINGS TO LOVE ABOUT YOU EACH DAY // L.H.

which road leads back to you? i’ll walk barefoot through thorns if only i could reach the beginning again. i’ll dig up the grave. i’ll shake the death off. i’ll decorate the abandoned house. i’ll give it cpr until it comes back gasping for air. i like when things aren’t perfect, anyway. we can cover up the bleeding parts with band-aids and kiss each others’ fault lines. this time will be better, i swear. i know you’re saying goodbye but i’m still trying to figure out ways to make this work. you’re saying our story’s over but i don’t believe you. i still think we’re going to find our way back to each other in the end. this isn’t over if i keep pretending. this isn’t over. this cannot be dead.

I feel a burning inside
On the point of breaking
Making me insane
I can’t get out
I’m trapped in my head
My body is aching
My heart is beating
I am not living
—  t.m.
my life was so bland before you walked in it. it was like every day was meaningless. i mean it. i never really knew how to feel until i met you and now that i know you, it’s like i’ve never felt more alive. the fighting, the getting back together, the drunken nights, the screaming, the way our bodies feel intertwined, the way you hug me when i don’t even know i need it, the five page text messages, the way we call each other names but won’t let anybody call the other those things, the leaving, the mouthful of thorn bushes that turn our lips blood red, the kissing it better, kissing it better, kissing it better and it’s actually getting better every time we do and no one will ever be able to comprehend the love i have for you. your cheekbones are asteroids and every moment with you brings me closer to the sun. i’ll let you burn me over and over again until the battle has been won.