You asking for yourself, as in how do I change, or for someone else?
If the latter: you don’t. People have to decide to fix themselves.
No one changes unless they cannot stand who they have become, and choose to make a difference in their own life by addressing each of their problems and working hard to change their overall attitude, how they treat people, and their expectations for the future.
Here’s another brutal pill to swallow, which I have struggled mightily with over the years: you are not God’s gift to that person. It is not your job to fix them. If you are in a relationship just to help them, that is patronizing and unhealthy for both of you. Get out while you still can. If the relationship is optional, and you cannot stand this person for the person they are, you need to leave. You can either accept them as they are, or get out. That’s the sad truth of life.
For personal development, what about you as an ISFJ is unhealthy?
Is it Si-dom unwillingness to change, compromise, accept that anyone else’s views are valid, or see beyond your own limited experiences? If so, work on Ne development. Start with the basic presumption that you are not always right, or even right most of the time. Sit down and think about something from different angles. Try and see things from another person’s perspective. Read as much as you can, and hear as many diverse opinions as you can, in order to have a better knowledge base. Listen to both sides of arguments even those you do not like, and pick out the virtues and flaws in each (your Ti can help out).
Is it aux-Fe being absent? Or too engaged? One means you are continually cut off emotionally from other people, often somewhat scornful of their feelings, and you may use Fe only to manipulate or do harm by targeting people’s emotions; the other is that you frequently have an immediate emotional reaction and get your feelings hurt too easily, then refuse to step back from the situation in order to decide how rational your reaction is (poor Ti use). If the former, read up on how Fe is supposed to work. Trust more people with your true feelings. Share your feelings as you process them; often getting them out into the open air will clear your mind and help you move on. If the latter, learn to step back before you emotionally react and decide, “is this worth being mad about? did this person mean to hurt my feelings like that?”
Is it tert-Ti being a no-show (you never analyze yourself, your views, your behaviors or your motives for making decisions) or being overly critical, harsh or demanding in perfection? If the former, well, you know what to do: start figuring out why you like, why you react the way you do, what makes you tick, ask yourself if this is worth being emotionally engaged in, or what the best solution to a problem is. Study some psychology, beef up your understanding of what motivates different behaviors; it’ll help you not only with yourself, but in understanding and dealing with other people. If the latter, engage your Fe more.
Is it inferior Ne envisioning worst-case scenarios 24/7? Listen up: most of what you worry about will never happen. The future is an exciting place full of amazing possibilities. When you go off on a negative tangent, turn it around. Instead of thinking about a global apocalypse, make it fun. Decide what kind of zombie fighting technique you will use when it happens. Or make a list of awesome stuff you HOPE exists in the future, like floating skateboards and telepathic robots. Make it fun.
As with all functional development, notice people who use the function you admire WELL and then copy them if you have to; it can teach you a lot. :)
- ENFP Mod
PS: Sorry if this sounds strongly Te / blunt; I’m a bit annoyed right now with a slow loading wireless connection so I’m not as cuddly as I often am. =P