sad-but-punkrock  asked:

hey, i'm about to turn 15!! is there anything that you wish you had known before you turned 15, or any stories? tysm!! <3

OMG BBY HAPPY ALMOST BDAY!!! If you want a lil fic on your special day just let me know!

Hmmm, let’s start with what I wish I’d known when I was fifteen.

  • The friends you make in high school aren’t necessarily going to be your friends forever and that’s okay! Don’t stress too much if you start to drift apart. You’re at an age where you’re changing and growing so much and it’s only natural that that would include growing apart from people, too.
  • It’s okay if you aren’t dating anyone. Seriously, I know there can be a lot of pressure, but omg, you’re still so young! Don’t rush into something just to be in a relationship. Only do it when you feel genuinely ready.
  • Do your best at school, but don’t place all of your self worth on your grades. Yes, school is important, but so is your mental health. This is maybe what I wish I could have internalized at your age: your self worth is NOT your grades. As long as you try your best, you should be proud. 
  • Try out new things! Take drawing, writing, karate, dance, piano, violin, audition for the play or musical… Now is the perfect time to try out so many new things! I know some people will make you feel like you need to be an expert already, but that’s simply not true. Never be afraid to pick up a new hobby or skill. 
  • Ask for help when you need it. This is so, so, SO important. Whether it’s asking your math teacher for a private tutoring session or telling a trusted adult you’re feeling depressed, PLEASE speak up. I know it might seem scary, but you don’t need to shoulder anything alone. People love and care for you, so please let them help and be there for you. <333

Okay, now for a quick story from when I was fifteen!

So when I was fifteen I was in the school musical! Now I was SUPER SHY, but I thought I might like acting and I love(d) singing, so I decided to give it a try. The musical that year was The Secret Garden and I was in the ensemble, which I loved because we got to be dead for a song ahaha, and it was such a cool experience overall! 

Buuuuut there was one other element to it. So there was this girl. An upperclassman. The LEAD of the entire thing. And oh my god did I have the biggest crush on her. Was she straight? Hell yeah. Did that stop my lil gay heart? Of course not. But to make matters even better, I still hadn’t really let myself realize that I was gay. So I didn’t really understand how I was feeling. All I knew was I liked her. A LOT. 

Then, before our final show, she gave everyone a little golden key on a string with a card signed from her. I fricking CHERISHED that thing. I hung it next to my bed and would look at her name and smile. I would just stare at it sometimes. She graduated that year and I was sad I didn’t see her in the hallways anymore, but I still had that key, and that was enough :’) <333

Ayer lloré, lloré tanto como pude y le di un golpe a la pared, no podia con tantos impulsos dentro, no sabia como sacarlos, por un momento volví a pensar en el suicidio, por un momento, solo necesitaba un solo corte, pero no quiero caer otra vez, no quiero autolesionarme más, pero sigo autolesionandome mentalmente y no puedo parar, quiero escapar, pero no sé a donde, quiero huir de esta pesadilla, pero no puedo, soy mi propia pesadilla.
Una parte de mí dice que le escriba, que le insista, que no lo deje ir. Y ahí está la otra parte, esa parte que vale verga, esa la que arruina todo; dice que siga adelante con o sin él. Pero, ¿saben? Ojalá fuera tan fácil como pensarlo.
—  kacf.