It teaches me that swollen eyes and hospital visits per your partner exist, but I do not have to exist beside them. That it comes from the mouths and the nonverbal cues of any age, race, religion, any gender. It teaches you how sometimes you carry trauma through quiet. Through plummeting self-esteem and not calling your friends back and shrinking at the intonation of someone’s voice. Through crying too many days and nights, until you stop pretending and realize you’re not actually fine. From an ulcer like a bound butterfly, to chest pains at work that fold your knees in like a prayer to something you never even believed in, just to make it stop, just to get back to a person that you thought lived underneath this all, the person ‘before.’ It teaches me the necessity to set boundaries, that healthy compromise is never the same thing as gaslighting someone/(being gaslit) into your own/(their) opinion. Most importantly, it teaches me about myself. How I am not to blame for through it I remained soft and honest, how I am not to blame simply because I reflected my own empathy onto them, how I am not to blame for being deliberately broken down and manipulated, all the while only trying to love them. After eleven months, it teaches me that I leave or I die. That I am the most resilient person I know. That I still choose to be kind. Every day, no matter how futile it seems, not matter how difficult. Lastly, it taught me how to let go. It taught me never again to hold onto someone who nine times out of ten wouldn’t even reach for me. That I will find a different person, someone better and therefore more beautiful, who looks at and touches me so gently, who will melt into a kiss and mean it, who will hold my shaking body some nights as I continue to grow into myself after everything I’ve been through, someone that I will believe truly and fully loves me, because for the very first time I will be able to differentiate it.
Okay, but tell us what would have cedric's character done had he lived. Do you have any alternative universe in mind?