I need new glasses and you’re the optometrist running my vision tests, but your good looks are really freaking distracting
You’re allergic to cats but my cat really likes you my bad
I adopted a kid and you help me take care of them all the time since we’re neighbors, but you came over and got so involved in the kid’s life so much they think that we’re both their parents instead of just me
I got caught in the rain without an umbrella and an attractive stranger is sharing theirs with me
We’re playing Monopoly in the local library and the game just got serious, I think the librarians are about to kick us out
I have a crush on my younger sibling’s tutor, but I don’t know how to work myself into the scene without making everything incredibly awkward for me
You caught me having a Barbie movie marathon and now I’m trying to keep you from telling anyone about this!
My pet ran away, I got fired from my job, it started raining out of nowhere and I fell in the mud, and you’re just a random stranger at my bus stop but I really need someone to talk to
Alternatively, I’ve always wanted to tell a stranger my life story and I’m choosing you
It’s Spirit Week at school and I’m determined to out spirit you for once
We got put in the same group for the senior trip
This is a big ass mall and I just got lost, please help me
My rival and I are determined for us and our respective partners to be the ultimate power couple, but you and the other person in our rival couple really don’t care
You keep coming in to get your laptop fixed but I’m pretty sure your breaking it on purpose but you’re cute so I’ll let it slide
You’re my apathetic (onesided) rival at work and this month I’m determined to get Employee of the Month, which you always get without even trying
I met you at a convention and you’re cosplaying Person B to my OTP and I’m cosplaying Person A
We’re internet friends and we’re meeting up in real life today and I’m super paranoid because what if you’re a deranged killer and– omg you’re perfect
You got me addicted to playing Love Live and I’m ruining my life
I’m an artist who was at shit creek until I met you, so please be my muse, no, I’m not asking you out
I just showed you all the Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life videos and I think I just scarred you for life
I just crashed this wedding and one of the guests just asked me to dance and I’m pretty sure that they know I’m not a guest from either the bride or groom(brides, grooms) fml
Dude check it out this pair of jeans fits us! Shut up, they aren’t sweatpants they’re jeans
I’m donating blood today and I’m afraid of needles
We’ve been hooking up for the past few weeks and holy shit it turned out you’re my fifth grader’s teacher oh god this embarrassing!
Pack up man; we’re going on a road trip
Let’s get tattoos together
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but can you go on the bungee jumping thing with me? Cuz I’m too scared to go by myself
I’ve never had a proper conversation with you, but I always see you at this cafe folding paper cranes and I you’re really peaking my interest
I’m forcing you to watch my favorite show and you’re more into it than I am now
We’re having our first argument as a married couple: do we explore this island, or do we stay in bed all day
I am an underage kitten and proud, nothing can take that away from me! Please stop the hate in the community stop bullying the under age people in any community not all of it has to sexual just try to be nice and if you dont support it how about you just ignore them and stop the hate
One cat, two cat, white cat, thirty cats--wait, what?
Tim wasn’t sure whether to be angry or assume he’d been hit with something. Something hallucinogenic but not outrageous–not fear toxin, but maybe–
“Ah. Drake. You are home.” Damian appeared out of seemingly nowhere, and yes, two more of the kittens were in his arms.
There had to be thirty of them, playing and mewing across Tim’s floor. In his apartment. On a floor that was certainly not proofed for cat pee. And in a building whose pet policy Tim didn’t even remember.
“Damian, please explain why there are thirty kittens in my apartment,” Tim said, and his legs ached and he just wanted to sit down and drink a can of soda and eat some cold pizza and get to bed. But no. Fate–or Damian–had other ideas.
“Drake. Do you understand the state of the animal ‘shelters’ in this city?”
“…why are you using quotation marks?” Tim asked, too tired to pull up factual knowledge in his head.
“-tt-. If you can call that sheltering, then I’m a doctor,” Damian sniffed, delicately placing a white kitten on the floor. He moved another one, this one tortoiseshell, away from Tim’s radiator. “They kill animals on a regular basis, often within 24 hours–including kittens.” His lip curled. “Kittens, Drake.”
“Well, then they’re obviously pure evil, because why would we need to control animal pop…” One of the kittens mewed, pulling at the edge of his sock with its mouth. Its little, tiny mouth, and its blue, trusting eyes looked up at Tim innocently.
Tim sighed. “Why can’t you keep them at the manor?”
“I already have ‘too many’ animals,” Damian said, half in a griping tone.
Tim groaned. As much as animal population could be an issue in Gotham…he didn’t actually want to see the kittens hurt. He sighed again. “We’ll find them homes, then.”
“We’ll do full background checks and investigate their homes,” Damian agreed.
“No, Damian…urgh.” Tim rubbed at his eyes. He was too tired for this.
Damian busily scooped kittens into a plush sort of boxish thing. “They’re past nursing, but you’ll need cat food–wet and dry. And cat litter.”
“Hey, you’re doing the majority of this, Damian,” Tim said sharply, a sort of pang of horror hitting him. He was not caring for thirty kittens, damn it.
Damian gave him a look. “I have important duties as Robin to attend to. Surely you can take a break from being Red Robin–it’s not as though you’re nearly so vital.”
Tim clamped his mouth shut on the words, ‘You know what else is vital, Damian?’ and the mental image of him stabbing Damian. He sank onto the couch as the kittens mewed intermittently. “I’m not caring for thirty kit–”
Goddamnit, he was gone. Tim groaned as he watched his new housemates.