anonymous asked:

Can you tell the metronome story? Idk it

ajdlfhkajgf okay. so

in high school i was in the marching band and in my junior year i was co-section leader and i carried a metronome in my backpack to use in rehearsals after school

to preface this story, the day before The Event we had a lockdown because there was a “suspicious person” circling the building (it was a confused parent. i spent two hours in the percussion closet. can you fuckign image, with my level of anxiety. anyway) so everyone was kind of on edge

so in this particular year of high school i had math first thing in the morning, which was awful, so i liked to go visit my english teacher because she was my favourite and i liked hanging out with her in my free time. so i set my backpack down and i leave the room

it gets close to time for class to start and i start heading back to the classroom, and @starrymonk and another friend of ours come running up to me and they tell me that our math teacher thinks my backpack has a bomb in it

apparently, when i set down my backpack, the metronome was in the bottom and got turned on and started beeping

now bombs haven’t fucking beeped or ticked since the goddamn 1960s but fuck that logic, our math teacher was actually. fucking ild and had never heard of an electric metronome in her life and was shouting at students to evacuate the wing 

so im running up and trying to explain to this fucko that the beeping in ¾ time at 120bpm is not, in fact, a bomb, but a device for making sure my section is in time, but she’s fucking losing it and makes us evacuate to the cafeteria

the students in the cafeteria are losing their shit. yesterday they thought they were going to be the next victims of a school shooting and today they think they’re going to die via metronome bomb. im running around trying to find a fucking sane faculty member while simultaneously telling everyone i run into, “it’s not a bomb, it’s A FUCKING METRONOME”

i finally find the vice principal and tell him, “dude, it’s not a fucking bomb, it’s a metronome, you know me, i’m in the band, literally there are only like five hundred fucking students in this school you know exactly who i am”

so he grabs me and another staff member and we start heading back toward the wing with the fake bomb, and already the three officers that we have patrolling the school (because of the incident the previous day) and the principal are gathered near the classroom and they shout at us to stop at the end of the hall (which is no more than fifty feet from the classroom, if that, and yeah that’s totally far enough to save us in the event of a bomb going off, right)

so the vp shouts to them that i think it’s a metronome, and i’m like no, i know it’s a metronome it’s my backpack and im a band student for the love of god

so they’re like nah we’re gonna call bomb squad

so fucking, i’m sent back to the cafeteria and this is how things happen as my band director filled me in later that day

apparently, the principal calls my band director down at the opposite end of the school and he’s like “hey darren, could you identify the sound of a metronome over the phone???” and my band director has no clue what’s happening because he isn’t involved in this nonsense, he doesn’t have a class during first period and was probably napping in his office, but he’s like “yeah, probably??” and the principal holds the phone up to the noise and my band director says it sounds like a metronome

skipping about an hour of hysteria and me telling everyone repeatedly that they aren’t going to die, the intercom comes on and tells the student body to gather in the gym for an assembly, presumably so we can all die in one place when the metronome bomb goes off

i’m still telling everyone i can grab that the bomb isn’t real and we aren’t going to die, and then i sit in the bleachers, possibly the angriest i have ever been, while everyone gathers in the gym

the principal and other important faculty whoever the fuck come in and start talking about the previous day’s incident and how tensions are high, so someone may have been stressed and mistakenly thought a metronome (which he pronounced as “metrodome,” which i like to think of as a giant beeping sports stadium) was a live fucking bomb

meanwhile i see the doors to the gym open and my band director slides in. he looks around for a minute, then sees me, and fucking grins like the asshole he is and starts edging his way around the room to me

when he gets over to me, he turns to face the people talking about threats and mistakes and bullshit to cover the fact that they know nothing about music education

and then slowly and slyly he pulls my metronome out of his pocket and hands it over to me, and then separately hands me the two batteries to it and starts giggling

if you don’t believe me, i made the fucking news

Minnesota is playing at Arizona Thursday Night and if you are a fan of NFL history, or odd, construction-related circumstances, you should be rooting for the Vikings.

A victory would move Minnesota to 9-4 and give them a half game lead in the NFC North. That would put us one step closer to something occurring for the first in nearly three decades … something that if it doesn’t occur this season, may never happen again.

To be specific: An outdoor playoff game in Minneapolis.

Everyone has seen the old footage from the 1970s of the Vikings playing in frigid Upper Midwest weather, with the frozen breath of Carl Eller or Alan Page filling the air before they slammed some poor opposing running back. Classic stuff.

As cold as it gets in Green Bay, Wisc., it may be even a shade colder in the Twin Cities. Officially, the historic average low for both places in January is 7.

It’s so cold the Vikings moved into the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in 1982. There has never been a thought of going back outside but when the franchise decided its new stadium – fixed roof, of course – should be downtown rather than the suburbs, it needed to implode the Metrodome and build on its footprint.

That moved the Vikings to the outdoor stadium on the campus of the University of Minnesota for the 2014 and 2015 season [they played the final game of the 2013 season there too after the Metrodome roof collapsed].

The new – warm – place will be ready for next season, so this is the brief window to bring one of those classic outside-playoff games back. Next year is too late.

The last outdoor playoff game in Minneapolis was on Dec. 26, 1976 [playoffs were earlier then]. Minnesota beat the Los Angeles Rams 24-13. Chuck Foreman had a 62-yard TD run. Fran Tarkenton was the Vikings quarterback and Pat Haden was the Rams starter. It was 19 degrees with a 7-degree wind chill.

Now thanks to a construction quirk, the rise of the Vikings and the NFL rewarding all division winners with at least one home playoff game, we might get a football game in some January Minnesota weather.

Of course, with the way El Nino is working, that might mean sunny and in the 50s.

March 12, 2006

Over 15,000 Twins fans attend a memorial service at the Metrodome to pay their final respects to Kirby Puckett, who died unexpectedly at the age of 45 after suffering a stroke last week. During the heart-felt ceremony, former teammates and fellow Hall of Famer Cal Ripken lighten the mood by sharing humorous anecdotes about the beloved Minnesota outfielder with the crowd.

Metrodome Demolition from Parking Lot of First Covenant Church via Daniel Collison