meth days

About 2 and a half years ago I got disqualified in basic training for a medical issue. Instead of going home I decided to stay in Missouri where I had some family.

My mother and stepfather. 5 years clean off meth.

The first 7-8 months I lived with them, were the best I’d ever seen them, and the closest thing to a family and normality I’d ever had.

Then they tried to buy a house. Someone at their church agreed to finance and all that. My stepdad worked on his and my mom’s new house.

This guy at the church (adequately named Dick) fucked them over. Sold it out from under them.

Soon after an opportunity presented itself. One of the people that worked for my stepdad offered him and my mom some cocaine.

They started acting weird.

Blew through their savings.

Then switched to meth because it was cheaper.

Sold all their stuff, started associating with the worst kind of drug addled degenerates.

As of today, they are being evicted. My stepfather is half in the grave, at a gram of meth a day, and a severe diabetic. My mom just survived an OD attempt the other night.

In just over a year and a half, I watched them go from some of the most functional people I’d ever known to soon to be homeless tweakers.

Meth isn’t fucking cool. It isn’t fun.

Meth is hell.


“I want another cigarette”
“I wanna draw”
*sits in uncomfortable position for way too long*
Cottonmouth AF bih
“Who stole my lighter”
“Who stole my dope”
*finds dope somewhere weird you hid it when you were tweaking*
“My heart is gonna explode probably sometime ya know”
*peeks out blinds*
*hates people touching me*
*passes out after 6 days with no food or sleep and sleeps for 3 days*

Meth is fun.

Until its day 4 of no sleep or food.

Your family is wondering where you are.

The girl who you were having amazing beautiful sex with is now on the ground in tears looking for drugs that arent there.

Your spinning in a chair in a dirty room with the same dvd menu music playing over and over.

Hearing the calls of suicide.

Your arms hurt from all the shots.

Please remember to tweak responsibly.


becaaaaaaause that one post was bugging me

the best day lighting reference i could find for lapis pre-super watermelon island was in the guide to the crystal gems book. lapis’s night, ocean tower, and ship palettes are all very different to this. i palette swapped it with lapis’s day palette in barn mates.

as you can see, there is a very noticeable difference. the barn mates palette is much more saturated, especially her skin.

so here’s my rebuttal.

It's been one year

It’s been one year since I started doing crystal meth.
365 days and I can count how many days I’ve been sober on 2 hands.
Everything in my life has changed in one year.
In one year I
Started using
Got really skinny
Met a person from tumblr
Fell in love
Got attached
Became pregnant
Went crazy
Got an abortion
Lost my job
Became dependent
Ruined every previous relationship I had
Ruined the relationship I was in
Got raped
Lost the best cat I’ve ever known
Lost the place I called home
Lost my boyfriend
Isolated myself to
Gave up trying

I’m not saying this drug was the cause of any of those things, but if I hadn’t used on March 27th 2016 none of those things would have happened. One thing did not change this year, that’s how much I truly hate myself. I did a lot of stupid things so I could get high. If someone that follows me is curious about trying meth, I can tell you that the first high isn’t worth it. You’ll get addicted and it will control all the things you thought you had control over. I don’t regret any of the things I’ve done, because I got to know what true happiness felt like. I got to know what loving someone with you’re entire heart meant. And it fucking hurts.

And to all the hate I’m going to get for my abortion calm the fuck down before you say shit. I was told that I was too thin to try to give birth. If I did decide to keep it, the baby and I would have died. I know I was too skinny because of meth, I know I had to end a life because of a drug. I’m reminded of that every day when I wake up until the time I go to sleep.
I hope someone takes something away from this.