metal-detector

ARIES: I heard that somebody with icicles in their chest once told you that spring was only for people that know how to be wanted but they were lying. Hardly anybody takes care of honesty the way that you do and somehow that’s still a surprise. Take the weight of your insecurities and lay them to rest underneath a gravestone. When wildflowers grow from what you buried don’t bother to pick them. They’ll always be there. Don’t you know what it’s like to come back to things? 

TAURUS: The peach pit on your dresser has been sitting there for years and it’s okay that you can’t throw it out yet. Okay that you can’t put it back into the fruit and unbite all of the soft and the sweet and the “maybe this time it’ll be different” that leaked out onto your fingers on the nights that your teeth feel too used to be desired. Wash your sheets and dry them outside. Lay underneath the clothes line and listen. Unclench your fists. Rewrite the grocery list.

GEMINI: It isn’t your fault that not everyone can swallow the parts of you that have sharp edges. You’ve been spending too much time forcing yourself down the linen aisle when you should be finding the nearest comic book store. There’s a reason superman is nicknamed “man of steel” and you deserve all of the iron-throated hearts that you can find. Invest in a metal detector. Don’t be ashamed of what you find.

CANCER: The way you bare your chest to the world is terribly brave and I don’t want you to continue feeling responsible for the people you’ve kissed that have taken advantage of that. Skin-deep damage does not make you unlovable, it gives you new perspectives. Don’t apologize for the ways you have tried to survive this. You’re better than the fires you’ve walked through and the storms you’ve caused. Suck on a peppermint until it loses its flavor. Name the taste after your last heartbreak. Now spit it out.

LEO: Your chest caves in whenever you think about the past and nobody’s ever told you that everything is temporary. Well, honey, I have some news for you. Start checking the mailbox again before the neighbors start to worry. People still want to stain paper with your name and martyring yourself over words is something you’ve become too talented at. Take a break, now and again. Burn the television set if that’s what it takes. Air out the smoke and look into a mirror, admire how powerful you seem as you step out of the haze of what’s gone.

VIRGO: Oh, baby, you’ve made mistakes and you’ve drained the bottles but you’re not the only one who’s felt like this. I know that it’s hard to let yourself feel these things but you have to try, you have to let the light in. It’s so dark in the room you’ve been using to store your regrets and your pallor has become a reflection of the ghosts you’ve been taking orders from. You were made for the sun. Let it kiss you without repercussion. Allow yourself to kiss it back.

LIBRA: So maybe you dropped too many pennies down the wishing well and now your wallet is nothing more than negative space. So maybe you forgot who gave you that good advice that one time and you’re still beating yourself up over it. Go ahead, admit to your faults. Set a place for them at the table and scold them for being late. Eat their portion and kick them out. Being familiar with every side to your geometric personality is not something to be ashamed of. Remember the angles, and keep moving. People like you are not meant to stand still.

SCORPIO: I think that your ears were made for listening to things that break. The shattering of a vase. The cracking of a heart. Does it ever get exhausting to be so awfully aware of how things sound when they forget to function? Nobody expects you to take every smashed hope and piece it together on your own. You are not a bottle of glue no matter how much you feel disaster sticks to you. I promise. You don’t have to carry that toolbox around, anymore. It looks heavy. Set it down.

SAGITTARIUS: You have your father’s mouth and consequently have dreams where you’re ripping it from your face. Somebody told you once that you were inadequate and now there’s a bruise on your ego and you can’t seem to stop touching it. Why are you so obsessed with how long it takes to heal? Why are you so afraid of letting people see you cry? Take off your armor and let your skin breathe. There’s still time to be okay with the idea of loss. You’re not too late. You’re not too late.

CAPRICORN: Stop using the word pathetic whenever anybody asks you to describe yourself. The people that hold you accountable for the abuse you’ve endured are the ones that turn away whenever they see it. You don’t need them, you never did. Can you feel that prickling sensation running up your arms? It’s tomorrow knocking and it wants to show you something beautiful. Let it. You’ve handled tragedy, surely you can handle tenderness.

AQUARIUS: You’ve been fucked over so many times it’s hard not to see yourself as a hotel room on the outskirts of town. Dark red bedsheets and rusty doorknobs and a lampshade that hasn’t been touched in a decade or two, this is where you lie and try to erase the memories from your naked body. You don’t want to belong to anybody almost as much as you don’t want people to believe they’ve changed you. They haven’t, you know that right? No matter how many people hike up mount everest it’s still a mountain. It’s still bigger than what’s stepping on it. It still keeps its name.

PISCES: You’ve become so good at sacrificing yourself for the possibility of something worthwhile that your body looks more like an altar than an assortment of bones. If this is your church I hope that your god looks like your nine year old face whenever somebody asked what you wanted to be when you grew up. I hope your prayer sounds like an exhale and that your choir sings in harmony and that every donation tastes like honey. Don’t forget to bow your head every once in a while. Remind yourself of your feet. Of how fast you’re able to run.

—  APRIL HOROSCOPES, 2/30, Caitlin Conlon
Elsewhere University- Feathers

Like a whole bunch of other people, I saw @charminglyantiquated ’s Elsewhere University Comic and got SUPER INSPIRED. And since she’s so generously encouraging other people to play in her sandbox, I present ‘Feathers’.  EDIT : PART 2 HERE

You go to Elsewhere University. You’ve been going to Elsewhere University for (years and years and years and years) for three years now. You know how things are. You’re not an RA, but… Mm, you could have been.

Might still be. Aren’t yet.

This is your junior year (you think). You know how things are. You carry salt in one pocket, iron in another, trinkets to bargain away in your book bag, offerings in your purse, pearls around your neck.

Keep reading

restingbitchfaceisnotsadface  asked:

"I can start with how I went to marine science camp as a kid and end with that time I accidentally brought a flamethrower into the county courthouse" --- PLEASE EXPLAIN IM SO CONFUSED D:

So, when I was a kid, my parents worked full time, so during the summer, my sister and I were enrolled in day-camp so we’d be adequately tired when we got home, and my FAVORITE  camp was Marine Science Camp, run by MSI on the banks of redwood creek, right off the San Francisco bay.  It was AWESOME: we got to dissect squid, there was a literal shark tank, which we got to fish leopard sharks out of and Tag Them For Scientific Research, ad we’d go out on the boat once a week and do things like haul a net full of fish out, use a scoop to study benthic creatures and look at plankton under a microscope.  I realize now we were essentially doing transects, dissections and other field/lab work for a bunch of grad students but it was FUN.  

I totally wanted to be a marine biologist when I grew up and would tell anyone who asked me what I was into about nematocyts and oceanic acidification until The Adult realized their mistake and fled.

At the same time, I was pursing an aggressive interest in the visual arts, which my parents heavily encouraged, becuase they are excellent parents and because it;s was a QUIET hobby unlikely to result in bodily harm, unlike my sister, who got into karate and Theater, which is a surprising dangerous combination.

But then i got to college and realized an issue with this plan: I, hands down, SUCK at chemistry.  I did okay in into becuase I’m great at taking standardized tests, and the teacher got suspended halfway through the semester for getting into a fistfight with another prof for poaching his grad student, but Organic Chemistry was a disaster.  I’ve never been good at arithmetic, and balancing chemical equations is something i need the dang molecule models for. So marine bio was a No-Go.

So I switched my major over to Art, which turned out to be kind of a disaster (the school managed to lose an entire semester of my grades because the Art Department kept really sloppy records and i ended up dropping out and resuming college elsewhere) and AMAZING, becuase I took a human figure drawing course with professor [REDACTED] who announced on the third day of class:  “SWEET THE FOOLS JUST GAVE ME TENURE.  CAN’T FIRE ME NOW, SO LEMME SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A FLAMETHROWER”

The thing she actually taught us was how to modify a culinary butane torch to empty the canister at a much higher rate than any manufacturer anywhere recommends, which gives you and AWESOME bigass jet of blue flame, but only lasts about 30 seconds per container.  She also showed us how to make bandeliers so we could carry multiple containers, “just in case”.

In more practical lessons, we were in class when the first gov’t shutdown happened, so we didn’t have money for models, so she oped to bring in various animals for us to draw instead.  there was the usual cats and dogs, but also chickens, horses, a farm hog, a 12-foot Burmese Python and a baby deer that had been abandoned on her porch.  It was really fun, both becuase animals are amazing, and becuase they don’t hold still, so you learn to draw REAL FAST, which is a skill that’s served me well since.

A few years later, I was summoned for Jury Duty, and had to show up at the courthouse for selection.  HOWEVER, I’d put my usual bag in the wash the previous night, so I grabbed my old school backpack to take with me because I knew I had a sketchbook in there to amuse myself with.

I forgot I also had my flamethrower in there.

I live in a pretty low-crime area, so the metal detectors are actually pretty far into the building- you don’t get scanned until you’re actually going into the courtroom.  So for about three hours beforehand, I was sitting in the hallway having a Nice Chat with one of the state park rangers and the CEO of the local call center.  We get called in, and as we walk through, my backpack sets off the alarm.

“Fuck.” I say abruptly remembering what would have set it off.

“Do you have anything metal in your backpack?” the security guy asks me.  I think he was expecting me to say glasses.

“I forgot that I have my flamethrower in here. I’ll just leave this outside.”  I explain, hoping I’m not about to be arrested.

“Please open your bag or leave it outs- your WHAT?”  Dude stops halfway through his routine.

“Flamethrower.  I made it in art class and will definitely be leaving it here.” I say, carefully putting my bag on the table, zipper open , and pointing at the small butane torch.  The guard looks at it, looks at me (pls note, I am small, white, feminine and conventionally attractive so YOU BET privilege was happening here), before deciding that Art People Are Dumb and waving me in after wanding me to make sure I hadn’t accidentally brought anything else in my pockets.

I was not selected for jury duty.

In other news, I still have it, and it still works.  I use it for mass-toasting creme brulee.

batter-sempai  asked:

What just happened between idubbz and tana?

Alright lets get down to it

So, Tana Mongeau is a “Storytime” youtuber and what that means is that she lies and makes shit up to make her boring ass life seem interesting. 

One day she decided it was a good idea to tweet at idubbbz and tell him to kill himself for saying the N word. After her followers sent her a shitton of tweets telling her she shouldn’t start shit with edups, she takes it down, but claims its not because she doesn’t believe in what she said, but because she doesn’t like telling people to kill themselves. 

idubbbz, as we all know, gives absolutely zero fucks about anything or anyone, but if he smells weakness in you, its all over. So it was just a bit of fun for him to go to some meetup she was holding, get a ticket and a shirt and pop in for a photo-op with her.  He puts his arm around her shoulder, smiles at the camera and says “saaaaaaaay nigger!” 

Tana, shocked, peels off from him, idubbbz laughs and is ejected from the venue, goes home. All seems normal. 

Tana, however, cannot resist the urge to attention whore, so she puts up a video claiming he threw his arm around her neck, wouldn’t let her go, gave a thumbs up to the camera, made her fear for her life, made her fear for the lives of her friends, fans and family, smiled really creepily at her, forced her to get metal detectors and all new security and made her think of Christina Grimmie, etc. 

Originally posted by annefrankisgod

So when this fails to provoke a response from idubbbz, she makes a live stream talking about how she hopes he breaks his legs and loses all his subs, then spends a lot of time crying and screaming that she hasn’t done anything to deserve this, she didn’t do anything to him to deserve his fans talking shit about her or his photo op shenanigans, etc. 

This was ALSO a mistake, because that made idubbbz a little bit irritated. 

Originally posted by southparkdigital

so idubbbz made a Content Cop episode about her, wherein he fucking guts her and eats her soul. 

He splices in a few clips of her calling people “stupid nigger”, lying and generally being a scumbag. He takes her to task, with receipts, for every lie she told about him from his age (Insisting he was 30 when he’s 26) to his subscriber count, to the events of the photo-op (which he had video of that he showed), as well as her pretending not to know that “nigger” is a racist slur at the time she said it. 

He then went on to tear her apart over her past, present and future. 

The video hit 16 hours ago. Tana has since lost 10k subscribers and counting. idubbz has gained at least twice that, and is barreling towards 4 million at impressive speeds. 

The moral of course is “be nice to idubbbz, because he can destroy you”. 

good things about episode 61:

- everything???
- merle building a church and not abandoning the people when the hunger came
- barry and lup spending time together (even tho it was “off screen”)
- taako building a fucking replica of the light of creation out of GLOWING MUSHROOMS
- absolutely everything!!!
- magnus taking one for the team bc he didn’t want anyone to die and then consequently dying himself
- but really magnus died bc he ate some hard candy and took off his mask
- them saving the plane!
- robot plane
- ROBOTS
- EVERYTHING
- griffin using travis’ world (and then destroying it)
- MAGNUS PUTTING GIANT ROBOT ARMS ON THE SHIP
- the twins going looting
- LUP FINDING A GUN
- LUP FINDING A FUCKING GUN!!!!
- “COUNT THE SHELLS!”
- taako using a metal detector… for magic
- taako being totally down to burn the plane to the ground and lup standing up to him
- taako calling lup lulu
- the twins fighting (but not really) and taako seeing reason and standing by his sister in the end
- TAAKO CALLING LUP LULU!!!!!
- lups "hey taako? mhm mhhhm”
- lup giving a gun to the robots and saying “listen, light them the fuck up”
- saving a bunch of robots from certain(?) doom aka the hunger
- lup making everyone promise they won’t destroy any more worlds
- lup tearing up about returning to their home world- TURNS OUT IT’S BECAUSE OF THOSE 15 DOLLARS, GREG GRIMALDIS
- “you never see the justice league make that promise” 
- griffin: “and everybody else makes their way to the center and i think that’s the last thing we see: the seven of you - well the six of you-” 
travis: “WHO’S DRIVING???” 
griffin: “davenport’s like: ‘I’m putting my hand in too!’ and veers the ship left”
- everything

(In a homebrew space-based comedy game, our heroes find themselves infiltrating a rival company as “technicians”. The issue comes when they try to get on the ship to where they’ll be “working”, because they’re not allowed to bring weapons. They need those weapons. While two of them have weapons they can sneak past the checks, the other three party members have to get creative. One is a warrior-type with a rocket launcher, one is a scout with a handgun, and the last is the party medic, an eldritch abomination pretending to be human for the hell of it.)

Guard: Halt! Is that a rocket launcher?!

Warrior: It’s a work tool. I’m, uh, a demolitions technician. I need it for demolitions.

Guard: (rolls badly) Oh, okay. Carry on! 

Scout (OOC): Okay, I’m going to tape a couple of wrenches to my gun and claim that it’s a wrench itself and thus a valid work tool.

(DM gives Scout an “are you shitting me” look and rolls, critical failing.)

Guard: …Ah, of course, a wrench. Carry on!

DM (OOC): Okay, what about you, Doc? Your scalpels are small, but you do have to go through a metal detector with them.

Doc (OOC): Well… truth be told, I’m not entirely sure these scalpels are made of any metal known to man…

DM (OOC): You know what, I’m actually going to allow that.

Doc (OOC): I was kidding! I’m going to make a serious attempt, I swear.

DM (OOC): Eh, you had to get through somehow.

(This was the one and only time Doc got away with something like this.)

Headcanon that Kraglin is that one guy who hides a ton of weapons on his scrawny person. I’m talking about the amount of weapons that’s absolutely ridiculous, and nobody will ever understand where he keeps them the whole time.

Like…. There’s some important “business meeting” for the Ravagers and they are all required to lay down their weapons at the entrance. They are being checked, and there is some sort of metal detector they have to walk through that reacts specifically to well-known weapons like blasters and stuff.

It seems easy enough at first. Yondu lays down his arrow, there are several blasters and knives put next to it, and Kraglin also lays down a good amount of the usual pocket knives, riffles and what else.

Only that the detector still starts beeping like crazy when he tries walking through.

“Seriously, ‘gain?”

“Yer holdin’ us up, man!” One of the Ravagers calls out, the whole bunch laughing as Kraglin flips him off while walking back.

Kraglin shrugs, mutters something about having forgotten, and pulls out another blaster. A knife. Something that looks like a bunch of poisonous darts. A pulsfire riffle. A grenade-like thing not bigger than a Ping-Pong-ball. And that’s only the beginning.

The guards at the door just stare, slack-jawed, as the first mate produces enough weapons from his pockets and various secret hiding places to fill a whole weapon’s store with it.

Putting down another set of tiny knives, some of them glistening suspiciously green, Kraglin pats himself down. “Think that’s it, yeah.”

He walks through the detector, which stays silent, and catches up with his crewmates, leaving a stunned bunch of guards behind.

Yondu waits until they’re out of earshot before he says, gaze wandering over the crowd, quickly scanning almost-allies and surely-enemies, “How much stuff ya still have on ya?”

“A few things, Capt’n,” Kraglin answers with an easy shrug, as if he’s talking about the weather.  

Yondu’s smile is as brilliant as it is dangerous. “Good job.”

“Thanks.”

Peter tugs carefully at Kraglin’s pants. “Kraglin, can you teach me that?”

“Later, Pete. An’ no bombs an’ poison for ye.”

“Okay.”

“An’ that’s why ye never make fun of our first mate, aye,” Tullk explains in the background, grinning just as amusedly as the rest of the crew.

Archaeologists and Metal Detectorists Find Common Ground

NEW LONDON, Conn. — Keith Wille was metal detecting in the woods of Connecticut a few years ago when he found a triangle of brass about two-and-a-half inches long with a small hole in the middle. He thought little of the find at first, and threw it in his scrap pile. Mr. Wille, 29, is a manager at a survival training company, but spends most of his spare time metal detecting.

In September, Mr. Wille drove from his home here to the Mashantucket Pequot Museum and Research Center with several boxes of objects — the highlights of his recent collecting. The museum — a vast, glassy structure that looks like an airport terminal, complete with a 185-foot-tall traffic-control-style tower — is a testament to the years when the Foxwoods Resort Casino made the Pequots the wealthiest tribe in the nation. Although those fortunes have declined, the Pequots are still financing projects by the archaeologist Kevin McBride, who works full time on what Lori A. Potter, a spokeswoman for the Mashantucket Pequot Nation, called “history that’s written by the conquered and not by the conqueror.” Read more.